Simulblast! Week 011 of Summer 2014

Posted on Sep 23 2014

Simulblast 2014 Summer Week 011

Canada! It’s where Avril Lavigne is from! And she did songs for a One Piece movie! And that’s how we can justify this week’s very Canadian Simulblast challenge!

This Week’s Challenge: Depict one of your characters as Canadian! You can do by writing a short description of them as Canadian for 30 points. Add in a piece of fanart or a picture of a cosplay for an extra two tokens!

Samurai Jam ~Bakumatsu Rock~ (Episode Eleven)
Player: Kanashimi
Class: Boss


The flippin’ flop! Shinsaku is at Ii’s headquarters… I can’t even, why?! So Shinsaku is at Edo Castle, so I guess next we’re gonna find out that the Shogun is a hockey player with a pet beaver. I see where this is going. No wonder there’s all this American influence what with the Western music and random food that makes no sense in this historical time. The Shogun is really a maple syrup suckin’ Canadian… because we all know Canadians love America.

So Shinsaku’s plan is to essentially go to Ii and claim to play Heaven’s Song for him. So random blonde haired boy walks in and reveals he’s actually the Shogun. He claims that Shinsaku is lying, trapping him in purple, dark stuff.< />

On the other hand our remaining heroes are attempting to play against the government, but they’re being overwhelmed by their sheer numbers. This lasts for a few seconds before we go back in time, and Kai is the one who lets them know about this some important festival where they’re going to use this massive speaker or—Dammit, I don’t care! This is so dumb at this point. I found the first few episodes endearing, but what’s with all this serious stuff? The series shined when it was light-hearted and wacky, not when it was dealing with betrayal, death, twists, and all that other drama. Oh, and Ryoma’s still depressed because of reasons.

So anyway, everyone besides Shinsaku and Ryoma are being overwhelmed by the power of a horrible idol business. Ryoma, on the other hand, is somewhere mopping about the entire thing until he hears a commotion of people being arrest for playing rock. They sing the music they love while being arrested, and Kai appears to give Ryoma some speech about it in case the message wasn’t clear enough. That seems to be enough for our red-haired hero to begin singing at the top of his lungs… then he flies through the sky. Oh, never mind, he landed… I was like he turned into Superman.

Okay, I’ve… just… So Ryoma goes to get his guitar and his boss at the restaurant just so happens to have a rocket so he can get to Edo Castle on time. She literally ties him to a rocket and stuffs pizza in his mouth. Back to the failed concert attempt, Ii reveals a brainwashed Shinsaku who performs a powerful version of Heaven’s Song. However, Ryoma’s rocket blows up and he parachutes into the scene with fireworks as his backdrop. I just… I give up. I give up. I don’t wanna anymore. Why? Why do you make me do this?

So fifteen minutes later after crying the bathroom, I find that Ryoma is doing something stupid by charging at Shinsaku and beginning to play. Shinsaku just throws up his gun and is about to shoot, but the gunshot goes off and hits Ryoma in the cheek. Suddenly the Peace Soul actives and GIVES HIM CLOTHES?! Really? You even took away my fanservice. I’m flipping a table here.

So Shinsaku is back to normal, and they hug because they totally have time for that. So they finally play together and it’s all cool with their Peace Souls doing neat little light show stuff, but Ii is like fudge that and somehow deactivates them…? Ii floats into the air and splits the earth… because? Then big snakes come out of the ground and move to attack Ii instead of Ryoma and the gang. So… Ii was eaten by a ground snake that formed from an earthquake he caused because reasons.

Ryoma and the gang are like, “Okay, that’s cool, but this makes us realize there’s someone who was really stronger and behind it all.” What? You see that and not even a passing glance? Okay… Sure. Episode ends with flames, evil earth snakes, and confusion…

I blame Canada.

Kana Challenge Successful

Watch Samurai Jam ~Bakumatsu Rock~ on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Captain Earth (Episode Twenty-Three)
Player: Bobby Henshin
Class: DJ

Captain Earth

Oh Canada! Our home and native land! Well, we’re in Japan, but for the sake of week 11, we are having this episode take place in Canada. Which is weird but this entire episode is weird. Let’s recap what happened last time.

While going through with Operation Summer, Salty Dog attacked our heroes with their large, space station-sized, unmanned interceptor with a laser that can go toe to toe with the Blume. While jumping to hyperspace, they collided, and there was a huge flash of light. Then it took us back to the first episode. Literally, it’s the first episode again. Did the explosion make them go back in time? Yes and no.

The episode plays out like the first episode but with little changes, up to a certain point. One of the big things wrong with this flashback is that several of the characters that Daichi talked to in the first episode have been replaced with the Kiltagangs. The scenes play out like the first episode but with random spurts of the Kiltagangs trying to toy with him.

This is a mental plot by them now to keep him in his mind so they can go on to Earth easily. But with the Kiltagangs sneaking in, there is one other person from Globe and his team sneaking in giving him reasons to come back and fight. But do Canadians really fight? Daichi has been either pro-fighting or against fighting this whole show and has been nothing but nice to people. So Daichi is probably Canadian. From my mass sources of Canadian knowledge, Elk, this is how all Canadians act. It’s weird. I’m used to people being mean to me. America, the land of the free and home of the mean people.

But after he is able to fight the mind attack, they are back at the collision of the Blume and The Salty Dog weapon. Daichi gathers up all of his Canadian rage and destroys the weapon with one large blast. They hyperspace jump to Uranus and make their way to the end game. Next episode, the final fight begins and we will be done with Captain Earth. Thank God!

Bobby Challenge Successful

Watch Captain Earth on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

The Irregular At Magic High School (Episode Twenty-Three)
Player: Kayarath
Class: Content Provider

The Irregular At Magic High School

I would have to say this is the most unCanadian episode of The Irregular at Magic High School yet! There’s a huge battle going on! If the episode was more Canadian, everyone would be getting along and putting maple syrup on pancakes, eh? A large well-organized attack force has landed and is launching a full scale invasion! They got truck bombs, plenty of soldiers with large anti-magician guns, and even a battleship firing missiles! If this force was more Canadian, they would be riding moose into battle and get a mascot like Juno the Bear. The objective of this attack seems to be the Kanto Magic Association database, which is full of all sorts of cool magical knowledge.

Back at the Thesis Competition, everyone is wondering what all the explosions mean. If they were Canadian, at least one of them would say, “What’s this all aboot?” While everyone is paralyzed with indecision, the auditorium is stormed! With the element of surprise, it seems everyone would get captured. However, Tatsuya will have none of that, and gets shot at for his trouble. If Tatsuya was more Canadian, he would allow himself to be captured just to be polite to the attackers. Since this is Tatsuya, he just repels all the bullets using his magic ninja powers. The guy shooting at him responds by dropping the gun and pulling out a knife. If a person is capable of deflecting bullets, I don’t think switching to a knife will improve the situation. Tatsuya dispatches the attacker, and that rallies everyone else to take out all the other attackers.

Mayumi takes control of the situation, and advises everyone to evacuate to safer locations. Tatsuya and friends decide to stay behind in order to do adventuring heroic stuff. Of course, they’re not alone. The students that are part of security are helping out, and the Japanese army is fighting back and mobilizing reinforcements. If this fight was more Canadian, it would all be settled with a hockey match. The army decides to activate Tatsuya and send him off into battle. Everyone is shocked to see Tatsuya’s military background revealed! Before he leaves for battle, Miyuki kisses him on the forehead, removing a limiter of some type. If he was holding back before, I wonder what he can do now? I guess I’ll find out next episode, eh?

Kayarath Challenge Successful

Watch The Irregular at Magic High School on Daisuki or talk about this episode on our forums.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders (Episode Twenty-Three)
Player: Elk
Class: DJ

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Stardust Crusaders

Once again Elk is at the forefront of last minute Simulblasts, with this Simulblast, starting at 30 minutes to deadline, and I haven’t watched my 23 minute episode yet! Let’s! Get! Writing!

We’re starting off with a reminder that Avdol isn’t actually dead, in case you missed the last episode and think you’re insane for thinking he’s been dead the last 5 or so episodes. Of course Polnareff (who is now Canadian, because French Canadian > French) was the only one who didn’t know this, because he’s too easy to read.


One OP break later and we’re under the sea, Little Mermaid style… Or I guess more like 20,000 Leagues style, since we’re in an impressive sub. Everyone is of course complimenting how fancy the sub is, because it’s a specialty luxury sub for rich folks. Kakyoin is going to get Polnareff a Coca-Cola, but what he doesn’t know is there there is a stereotype about french Canadians saying they prefer Pepsi. Shame on Kakyoin for suggesting Coca-Cola.

Joseph uses the sub’s satellite phone to give his wife Suzie a call, hoping to keep her away from their daughter Holly, because he doesn’t want her knowing the truth about Holly’s illness. His assistant pleads with Joseph to let Suzie know, but he tells him not to.

Polnareff is now in control of the sub and is bragging about how easy it is when he accidentally glances against some rocks. This is likely because the Canadian military only has a couple subs, and of those very few are usable. After another crash which Polnareff assures the crew WASN’T his fault, Avdol uses the periscope to see the coast of Africa.

Kakyoin gets everyone some coffee, but he absentmindedly got six cups instead of five. When Joseph goes to drink from his, it transforms into a small monster, cuts off his mechanical hand, and attacks his neck. It then jumps into an instrument panel and merges into it. One of the gauges pops out and water starts flowing in.

Suzie calls back and Jotaro answers the phone. Suzie asks where Joseph is, and Jotaro tells her the old man can’t come to the phone, assures her everything is okay, and hangs up, to her displeasure. Jotaro swears he’ll never get on a submarine again.

Now the oxygen is running out, and Jotaro is looking for the enemy. Before he has a chance to see where it went, it attacks Kakyoin from behind, dodging Heirophant Green’s attacks and cutting his neck. It then appears in the steering wheel and tries to attack Avdol, but Star Platinum grabs it and rips it away. When Jotaro attempts to destroy the stand and it’s user, it morphs into a razor blade and cuts his hand.

Avdol and Polnareff attack with their Stands, but it doesn’t seem to work. Everyone else moves to escape, but Jotaro stays in the pilot’s room. He tells the Stand he’ll end the enemy himself, then leaves with the rest of them.

Meanwhile, Suzie is still wondering why Jotaro would be with Joseph. Everyone grabs scuba gear to make for Egypt. And we’re left with a creepy laughing mouth.

All in all an interesting episode. I am sad that their submarine barely lasted an episode, though…

Elk Challenge Successful

Watch JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Terror in Resonance (Episode Eleven)
Player: Whiskahs
Class: Technomancer


Though pretty action packed, the most recent episode of Terror in Resonance felt rushed and left a lot of really weird plot holes. The short summary of the episode is that Nine turns himself in and threatens to detonate the atomic weapon if he doesn’t get to hold a press conference. The police cave and start to set everything up only for Nine and his bodyguards to be attacked by Five and her American goons. Twelve comes to save the day, sorta, but despite preventing Five from murdering everyone, the police truck is run off the highway, and everyone is knocked unconscious aside from Nine who takes the opportunity to escape.

Or not.

After Twelve stops the car, he crashes his motorcycle, but we don’t see anymore of him despite Nine apparently running back up onto the highway to get chased by Five in a car after she murders her American handler. Nine manages to disable the car with a single shot from a pistol he picked up from a cop only to have Five stop, get out of the vehicle, kiss him, and then kill herself. At this point, a timer runs down and the atomic weapon is released on a balloon and a pre-recorded announcement is played on the televisions everywhere, stating that, because of interference, the atomic weapon will be detonated and nothing can be done to stop it.

Oh yeah, Twelve, almost forgot to mention that, despite he and Lisa being stuck on a ferris wheel surrounded by American agents, they weren’t arrested or anything. In fact, Twelve sits on the shore of the nearby river moping for most of a day before taking Lisa to an amusement park completely uninhibited by the authorities. I guess they figured Lisa wouldn’t have managed to convince him to go help Nine? Bleh. I did not particularly like this episode, and I really hope the writing of the next one or two makes up for it somehow.

Aero Challenge Failure

Watch Terror in Resonance on Funimation or talk about this episode on our forums.

DRAMAtical Murder (Episode Eleven)
Player: Sho
Class: Content Provider


So Sei is introduced more in depth now. He’s even introduced at the beginning of the episode! Sei seems to be Toue’s son, and he also seems to be in pain as well. After the intro, Mink asks Aoba to not follow anymore, but Aoba refused to listen. And as they go up, Ren, a very Canadian character, seems to be malfunctioning a bit. I think Ren is a very Canadian character because he’s so polite and nice and he doesn’t ever want to bother Aoba. Even when he’s not working right, he tells Aoba that he’s alright! Such a sweetie little dog. Such a sweet little Allmate. Then, as they get up to the top of the tower, they notice what looks like a monitor that Toue uses to watch the whole tower as well as the Platinum Jail! There, Aoba is confronted by Sei, who professes that he’s always wanted to meet Aoba, explaining that Aoba is the only one that can destroy him. Shortly after, Aoba is unconscious, and he wakes up with Trip and Virus right in front of him. He questions this… Why are they here? Well, sir, I’m glad you asked. Trip and Virus are actually Morphine. They altered Aoba’s memories so that Toue wouldn’t get Aoba because they wanted him to themselves. How greedy.

What’s more, they said that Aoba would see Sei. And Sei is Aoba’s twin brother, according to Trip and Virus at least. Wouldn’t this mean that Aoba is Toue’s son or something? And does all this mean that it wasn’t Toue that was sending all those traps? Then they start to explain more. Sei and Aoba are designer babies, created by Toue using Gram’s research, connected by their hair. Grams took Aoba and Toue took Sei for his experiments and used Sei’s eyes to control the Platinum Jail. After telling him this, everyone, makes it back, even Clear. They scare off Morphine, then Aoba and Mink go and confront Toue. Toue definitely recognizes Mink, and he tries to implant into him to not die and not kill Toue. Toue had reproduced Aoba’s voice. But Aoba had gotten to Mink already. He got to him through telling Mink to live. So Mink declares their victory and shoots Toue.

But this Toue is a hologram. Mink runs deeper in and Aoba stops, checking on Ren, who promptly bites him and injects some sort of fluid into Aoba.

Knightshade Challenge Successful

This player has been docked 20 points for problems with their summary.

Watch cal Murder on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Week 010 Tally

  1. Kanashimi: 2025
  2. Bobby Henshin: 1990
  3. Kayarath: 1760
  4. Elk: 1730
  5. Whiskahs: 1610
  6. Sho: 1430
  7. The Editor: 135

Week 010 Token Counts

  1. Kanashimi: 8 Tokens
  2. Bobby Henshin: 5 Token
  3. Kayarath: 0 Token
  4. Elk: 8 Tokens
  5. Whiskahs: 4 Token
  6. Sho: 5 Token
  7. The Editor: 2 Token

Next week’s challenge: It’s the last week of Simulblast! Time for a challenge with a little more punch! Don’t use the letter “u.” If you make it through the entire summary without using it, you’ll earn 30 points. Otherwise, you’ll lose 5 points for each time it’s used! Pay attention, contestants!

Make sure to vote for your favorite review below! You can give your favorite a Token!

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  • Zero Gravity September 29, 2014 at 7:53 AM

    Giving a vote to Kayarath

  • nerdwerld September 29, 2014 at 2:19 PM

    “What’s this all aboot?” Kayarath gets my vote.

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