Simulblast! Week 009 of Summer 2014

Posted on Sep 09 2014

Simulblast 2014 Summer Week 009

What is Simublast? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. Romance is in the air in this week’s Simulblast! Whose ship will sail and whose will end up in an iceberg wreck?

This Week’s Challenge: All aboard the shipping train! Time to gush over your favorite couple (or make up your own) of your show. You have the choice of just talking about it or drawing fanart to share with the masses (just make it safe for the kiddies).

Samurai Jam ~Bakumatsu Rock~ (Episode Nine)
Player: Kanashimi
Class: Boss


Ryoma and co are now more popular with Hijikata and Okita, go figure. The government won’t let them play, obviously, and keep chasing them so they can’t do their rock thing. Ryoma’s friend appears and makes them enter a dumb contest where they have to wear masks and perform. They get super famous, but their fame is superficial and makes their Peace Souls vanish over time. Their passion isn’t adequate enough to enable them to perform with their Peace Souls, go figure. I had a big spill here about why this is a reflection of the Japanese music industry and the way idols are handled, but you can blame Bobby for that being cut out. Thanks, Bobby!

Kai approaches them, reveals he’s a part of the government, but only because his own passion became fleeting when he used to rock with their sensei. He shares some wise words, goes on his way, and the government who now produces our heroes due to the contest tells them they have to play Heaven’s Song. Everyone argues, gets upset, and then says whatever and pulls off their dumb costumes and reveals their identity. Their fans protect them from the government officials who try to arrest them, and they run off into the sunset.

Episode was a’right.


Here’s a picture of the one true ship, Ryoma and his guitar.

Kana was attacked with “The Client Wants You To Redo It,” tasking her with rewriting her summary once she had submitted it, still subject to the same deadline. She overcame the attack and will earn full points this week!

Kana Player Was Attacked

Watch Samurai Jam ~Bakumatsu Rock~ on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Captain Earth (Episode Twenty-One)
Player: Bobby Henshin
Class: DJ

Captain Earth

Remember kids, rainbows and jellybeans save the day. I should probably explain. Welcome to Simulblast part nine. Episode 21 leaves off where the last one did, with Creepy McJerkface pointing a gun at Daichi and Hana while spouting his “we’re going to be the ones to save the human race” speech. His goal is, once again, to kidnap Hana and take her to Salty Dog headquarters. And to insure his plan goes off without a hitch, he placed bombs everywhere on the giant ship that is hosting nothing but males that will be used to preserve the human race into the future.

So is there a ship that has nothing but females on it? I think I need a reassignment to that ship, please. Teppei gets ready to shoot but it turns out the bombs are connected to his vital signs, and if he dies the bombs explode. Can… can you still just shoot him though… Please?! Instead they let him leave with Hana and try to pursue after he closes the door behind him, but it is locked. The Governor sends the security team into the base to fund the man and rescue Hana.

While this is happening, Aivatar is inside her Machine Goodfellow and has found some space debris that she is going to uses to her advantage. So she uses the… same power as…Zin? Wait, what?! Okay remember back in the Bugbear episodes where Zin used his powers of telekinesis to stab a gangster with a steel pipe? Will now Ai has the power to do that too. They have a flashback which doesn’t explain anything, but I think it’s saying that they can swap abilities. So Ai uses this to send the debris hurtling towards the base.

Teppei goes out in the Nebula Engine and stops the first two pieces of debris. Then a whole wave! Now there is over 500 pieces heading straight for them. The Nebula Engine’s ejection, communications, and limbs are destroyed and stuck in the debris field. Daichi launches out into the Earth Engine with his new weapon, The Plasmagnum. Creepy McJerkface is trying to save the people on the ship he is threatening to destroy (yeah I don’t get it either) and says that Hana needs to board The Blume and save them. He says this because he believes Daichi will not be able to fire the new super weapon. His friend Teppei is in the range of the blast and will surely die. But Teppei takes a deep breath and fires, destroying everything in its path.

Everyone has a sad few seconds because they believe Teppei is dead, but a new energy signal comes through and we see the glowy rainbow rings that Teppei used to do in the first few episodes. Out of the rainbow rings comes a giant, neon green jellybean with Teppei inside. So rainbows and jellybeans saved the day! I am still confused.

Back on the ship, Teppei and Daichi split up to find Creepy McJerkface and Hana. Daichi enters a corridor with a beautiful scene of the sun setting on the Earth when a gun is pointed to his head. Creepy McJerkface asks him if he fired knowing he was going to be saved or fired because he knew it was the only way to save them. Daichi says he knew he would end up killing Teppei if he fired and made the call anyway. This is enough for Creepy McJerkface to lower his gun, deactivate the bombs, and set Hana free. Also he puts all of his faith in Daichi now to save his dad and brother as Captain Earth.

So let me get this straight. You are now on his side because he fired even though he knew he was going to kill his best friend while also putting bombs on the key thing you were trying to save?! Not only that, they actually have a moment! You sir, are the biggest idiot on the planet… my god! You are the worst terrorist ever! The episode ends here but… dear Jesus my head hurts now. So all in all it’s another episode of no one explaining what the heck is going on with what characters and what the main goal is. Wait, we did learn one thing. The Blume actually might have enough firepower to destroy the Kiltgang’s Ego Blocks, defeating them for good. So it comes down to them getting to Uranus to destroy their mothership and end the threat for good.

So we have learned that an alien race, that is trying to drain all of humanity of their libidos, is parked outside Uranus… Excuse me as I laugh for several hours. Anyway episode’s over. Now the challenge was to make parings for this show. I mean the main parings of Hana and Daichi or Teppei and Akari are set and perfect. We saw them coming, and it was a good delivery. I would like to see Akari’s parents get back together, seeing as they had a bit of a moment last episode. Other than that, I don’t think the Kiltgangs care about relationships which is funny seeing as they are trying to steal our libidos. I’m sorry, but the concept is stupid! Plus Kube/Puck had his fun in the company ink already, so I don’t even want to touch that. Physically and/or mentally. See you all next episode as Salty Dog launches their final attack while or heroes begin Operation Summer.

Bobby Attacked Another Player

Bobby spent 4 tokens to send random attacks to both Kana and Elk!

Bobby Challenge Successful

Watch Captain Earth on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders (Episode Twenty-One)
Player: Elk
Class: DJ

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Stardust Crusaders

Welcome to another episode of Elk scrambles to do Simulblast JUST before it’s due. I mean, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.

We start off with a “Last time on…” which has never really happened before. But there’s an important man on an island they’re going to. Can this be Joseph’s secret gay lover?

We’ll have to wait as we’re given a shot of someone hiding in the bushes before we get to our OP break.

Back to the person in the bushes, Jotaro points him out, and he bolts. From the back it looks like Avdol, with grey hair. Joseph goes to talk to him but he refuses to listen. It’s Abdul’s father. Polnareff still blames himself for Avdol’s death. Joseph pushes forward, determined to talk to Avdol’s father while Polnareff goes off to be alone. To illustrate my above point I’ve made this mashup.

illustrate my point

While sitting on the beach Polnareff finds a lamp, of the rub-it-and-a-genie-comes-out variety. And of course, while absentmindedly polishing it up, a puff of smoke appears, and a “genie” comes out. It looks like a Stand, so Polnareff attacks, but he’s parried with ease. Polnareff doesn’t believe he has three wishes, but when prompted by the genie, agrees to wish for riches. With a chant of “Hail 2 U” and a puff of pink smoke, the genie leaves. Polnareff picks the lamp back up, still wary of a potential attack. He throws the lamp into a bush and hears the clinking of coins. Searching, he finds lost buried treasure.

The genie reappears asking for his second wish, and despite the treasure, Polnareff still refuses to believe him. However, he still makes a second wish. And his wish is to be a manga artist, more famous than Disney. He immediately backtracks and says he doesn’t want that, he wants a girlfriend. Then he stops again, and asks the genie if he can bring people back from the dead. He asks the genie to bring Avdol and his sister back to life. The genie says he will, and we head to the commercial break.

The genie says it’s two wishes, but he’ll grant them both. With a “Hail 2 U” and a puff of smoke the genie disappears, and Polnareff can hear dirt moving around. Polnareff goes searching and hears a woman crying. He finds footprints, and follows them to find a woman. Polnareff asks who she is as his sister was buried in France. She says not to come near her as her body isn’t complete yet.

Meanwhile the rest of the crew have noticed he’s missing. But he’s continuing to look for Sherry, while the genie is watching him from afar. He seems to be completely lost now if this is a Stand user’s trap. While running he notices a dead bird that’s half eaten. He finds Sherry crying, and goes to see if she’s ok. She continues to tell him to stay away, and that if he comes near, he’ll hate her. He convinces her he’ll always love her, no matter what.

She attacks him, biting his neck and escaping, half of her face is messed up. He falls to the ground, and after some evil zombie girl monologuing she comes out of the bushes and bites his leg. He calls the genie, and wishes for his sister to return to the earth. The genie refuses, and admits he’s a Stand, based on the Judgement card. The genie also says he’s already made his third wish, and the episode ends.

Elk Was Attacked

Elk was attacked with “Sitting In The Director’s Chair,” tasking him with casting an English actor to every character in his episode. He did not do this, and as a result will earn no points this week.

Elk Challenge Failure

Watch JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

The Irregular At Magic High School (Episode Twenty-One)
Player: Kayarath
Class: Content Provider

The Irregular At Magic High School

Tatsuya has a world changing MacGuffin, and there’s a powerful criminal organization that wants it. The plot sort of writes itself! The Great Asian Alliance wants the relic Tatsuya has and are going all out to get it. Magical familiars, large-scale hacking attacks, and whatever high schoolers they can recruit are the tools of this thief.

While the girl with the rocket bike and wireless hacker failed, maybe this other guy has a chance? A sleeping gas attack on Tatsuya while he’s in the Robot Research Club may work. However, Tatsuya makes his fortitude save with some help of the robot maid. This is Japan; of course a robot maid is the first thing a robot research club will build! One clever ruse later, and the perp is jailed.

Maybe using high schoolers to conduct your organized crime isn’t the best tactic? If they’re caught, it’s fairly easy to make them spill the beans. To prevent any bean spilling, Lu Gonghu is dispatched to kill the recruits while their beans are unspilled. Target number one is rocket bike girl! Gonghu was this close to the kill when Mr. Zhou of all people pulled the riot alarm. Mari Watanabe and her boyfriend (smooch smooch) just happen to be there and manage to fight him off in an actual fight sequence. And it was actually decently animated for once. Mr. Zhou seems to be a nice guy, or least one with more finesse. Killing people is sort of obvious, and magical mental suggestions can achieve the same goal with less notice.

Hurt but undeterred, Gonghu goes after target number two; the gas attack guy. Oddly enough, Tatsuya, Mari and Mayumi just happen to be there at the same time. What are the odds of that happening? Round Two: Fight! Mari heads up the front line with her sword-chuck (yes, it is a sword/nun-chuck combination weapon), Mayumi is the squishy wizard, and Tatsuya is stuck in the middle with them. One good fight scene later, and Gonghu goes down for the count. Score one for the good guys! It seems Tatsuya and friends are safe for now, but there’s at least four more episodes coming and I don’t think it’ll all be high school comedy if you get my drift.

The episode then gets wrapped by the biggest ship in the whole show; Tatsuya and Miyuki! If incest is your thing, then this series is your thing. Miyuki tries to kiss Tatsuya while he’s asleep and later wiggles in her underwear thinking about him. If that’s not shipping, I don’t know what is! If they ever reveal that they’re not blood relatives, Tatsuya and Miyuki will be making hentai together in less then a chapter. Tune in to the next episode where they’ll be hopefully less uncomfortable incest and more good fight sequences. Knowing this show, that won’t be the case.

Kayarath Challenge Successful

Watch The Irregular at Magic High School on Daisuki or talk about this episode on our forums.

Terror in Resonance (Episode Nine)
Player: Whiskahs
Class: Technomancer


This episode opens up with Lisa receiving a mail bomb from Five. She manages to avoid getting blown to pieces, but the hideout is destroyed and she and the two boys have to move to a new location. Once there, Nine, being the dick he is, decides to blame Lisa for Twelve’s faltering interest in completing their mission as well as the liability she presents to their plans. This ends up causing Lisa to run away and ends up getting her kidnapped and harassed by Five for the second time. After sending a blackmail message to the two boys, Twelve strikes out on his own to try and save Lisa while Nine apparently stays behind.

On the Shibazaki side of things everyone gets put on unpaid leave for disobeying orders while Shibazaki himself ends up getting effectively canned even after explaining himself. Despite his situation, Shibazaki, being Shibazaki, ends up just continuing his investigation on his own and ends up being joined by the younger officer who wasn’t too keen on him in the beginning. Together they end up figuring out that the government, with the support of several large companies and other organizations, had sanctioned a project for finding and training children for unknown purposes. During this time we also get to meet Shibazaki’s daughter who is apparently in college studying engineering. She doesn’t get much screen time, but her conversation with him tells us that Shibazaki has been much like he is now for quite sometime.

Five doesn’t get a lot of screen time this episode other than when she is creeping out over the captured Lisa, but we do find out that her American handler is getting a bit unnerved by her usage of explosives. We saw this a bit when he stopped to look at the plane in the previous episode as well, though it doesn’t quite seem like he is going to try and rein her in at all. I’m not sure if they’ll ever really explain it, but it’d be interesting to know how she had ended up in the US and as part of their intelligence services.

Overall this episode felt a lot like the first airplane episode in that, even though it covered some ground, it still felt short and somewhat incomplete. They flashed “To Be Continued” at the end, but it feels like the writing is getting a little sloppy at this point or something. A lot of the ideas being expressed during the episode are done so too briefly or incompletely, but that could be a side-effect of telling what amounts to three or four stories in the span of a normal episode. Maybe a better format for this show would have been splitting up the telling of each side of the story since most of the episodes aren’t really told in a linear way anywho.

As for shipping, hrm…

There can only be one pairing and that is Lisa x Five. Why? Mostly because it’d be really disturbing. Five is pretty insane as is, but imagine if all that weird touching, gloating, and verbal abuse she tosses Lisa’s way were actually some crazy way of showing affection. It’d almost be reminiscent of Perfect Blue’s psychotic characters all combined into one more deadly and attractive form. But why Lisa instead of Twelve or something more sane? Probably because Lisa is sort of the everyman in this show, so in a way she sort of represents innocence and mixing crazy with innocence seems to be the stuff of fan fiction everywhere.

Aero Challenge Successful

Watch Terror in Resonance on Funimation or talk about this episode on our forums.

DRAMAtical Murder (Episode Nine)
Player: Sho
Class: Content Provider


Bam! Clear is back! As Aoba is taking that strange Noiz back to the place in the Platinum Jail they seemed to have rented out, they are confronted by more goons. Clear dives in to take them out. When he notices one hit Aoba, he freaks out and starts beating him bad. Aoba tells him to stop, and he does so… Only to have the guy throw powder in his face, and it burns him pretty badly. When they get back to the apartment, it is revealed in the shower to Aoba that Clear doesn’t want to take off his mask because his grandfather told him that no one should ever see his face (Rude much?). They have a heartfelt scene where Aoba convinces Clear that he’d never hate him. Then when Clear finally reveals his mask, Aoba says that he has a completely normal face. He actually does have a normal face, except his eyes are an interesting shade of pink. Aoba, for a straight guy, holds Clear’s face pretty close and pretty lovingly… If anything, I think they would make the best couple… Seeing as there are not many girls in this show. Darned boys love anime. And like, Clear even calls Aoba master for Pete’s sake. No one says anything about it past the episode where he’s introduced either… Maybe Aoba really likes it when Clear calls him that… It almost makes me shudder thinking about how good of a couple they could be. AND AOBA IS EVEN SAD THINKING THAT CLEAR WOULD CALL SOMEONE ELSE MASTER.

Now, as everyone recovers, Aoba and Clear head for the Oval Mall. There, they find Clear’s younger brothers… Who look almost the same as him, except they don’t have the same moles as him. And their master is Toue. This sounds dangerous doesn’t it? Clear even attacks them. But unable to attack them, he’s nearly defeated. And the brothers say something interesting. Clear was a robot. And since he attacked his “brothers,” he damaged himself. They escape and have a heart-to-heart as they sit together, and Clear tells them why he didn’t tell Aoba that he wasn’t human. They both encounter the brothers again, and Clear, in an act of protection for Aoba, destroys his safety by stabbing himself in the head. Aoba, entering his mind a moment, probably says bye to him. Clear destroys the other two “Alphas” by singing, and Clear himself dies in Aoba’s arms as he falls apart. Then Aoba cries out in the rain as Clear dies, and the show comes to a close. I guess they won’t actually end up together.

Knightshade Challenge Successful

Watch DRAMAtical Murder on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Week 009 Tally

  1. Kanashimi: 1865
  2. Bobby Henshin: 1830
  3. Elk: 1570
  4. Kayarath: 1600
  5. Whiskahs: 1560
  6. Sho: 1290
  7. The Editor: 115

Week 009 Token Counts

  1. Kanashimi: 8 Tokens
  2. Bobby Henshin: 4 Token
  3. Elk: 3 Tokens
  4. Kayarath: 0 Token
  5. Whiskahs: 4 Token
  6. Sho: 5 Token
  7. The Editor: 2 Token

Next week’s challenge: This week’s challenge is a little special. Kayarath wanted to use all of his tokens to make this challenge happen. Not entirely within the rules, but I’ll allow it! Everyone must use the word “KROZE” as many times as possible in sentences within their summaries. The person who uses the word “KROZE” the least times in their summary (while still actually writing a valid summary) gets no points for the week. Period. Whoever uses it the most times will earn THREE TOKENS to throw at their opponents! I’m getting giddy just thinking about it! And of course, everyone who doesn’t lose gets the standard 30 points.

Make sure to vote for your favorite review below! You can give your favorite a Token!

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  • Kayarath September 10, 2014 at 10:36 PM

    I can’t wait until next’s week Blast! It’ll be KROZE-tastic!

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