Simulblast! Week 007 Of Summer 2014

Posted on Aug 25 2014

Simulblast Summer 2014 Week 007

Powers fly by as players attack one another! Who got burned and embarrassed themselves for the world to see?

This Week’s Challenge: With what you know about your show, tell us your best-case and worst-case ending predictions for your show for 30 points!

Samurai Jam ~Bakumatsu Rock~ (Episode Seven)
Player: Kanashimi
Class: Boss


Kanashimi used the power “Hasta La Vista, Baby!” This power is only usable once per season, and, when used, allows the player to miss a week with no penalty, gaining their usual 50 points!

Kana Power Up

Watch Samurai Jam ~Bakumatsu Rock~ on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Captain Earth (Episode Nineteen)
Player: Bobby Henshin
Class: DJ

Captain Earth

Hey again, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Captain Earth. This one is going to be a pretty straightforward review seeing as, well, nothing really happens. The episode starts out with Daichi, Teppei and Hana still making their way to the Australian branch Globe base when they final get their radios working and get contacted by Akari. Akari tells them that an army of Salty Dog machines are waiting for them, and it would be suicide to go. So instead they lead them to another site that works on airships and rockets a good few miles North East from their position. Bad thing is that it is also a Salty Dog facility, but less guarded. Here they plan on taking a aircraft back to Japan: the same aircraft Teppei was piloting when we first saw the Nebula Engine.

Akari also makes it easier for them to get in unhindered by hacking all of their systems and shutting everything down inside their base. This allows the others to walk into the hangar and load their mechs with no trouble at all. Funny seeing as this is a military type base, and no soldiers are around with guns or anti-mech countermeasures. But hey, would you fire a pistol at a giant robot? Yeah, me too. So they load up and launch themselves straight for Japan.
Evil McBeardyman from Salty Dog gets word of their departure and begins the operation to steal Hana as a weapon for controlling the world, and I think I heard something about being the mother of future generations, which… y’know, that’s heading into gross territory, so we will leave it at that. Also, I just decided to give the Salty Dog people nicknames. They have names, but I think these nicknames best describe them, like Creepy McJerkface from the first few episodes that was creeping on Hana. The new Evil McBeardyman in this episode and the blonde woman who came to inspect Globe HQ, Blondie McGrump. Not to be confused with Blondie McNotsoGrump.

Daichi says he feels like a pirate now, stealing a ship. Teppei responds with, “Pirate Captain Earth.” Not really important, but I thought it was a cool-sounding name for a series. I would totally watch it. Meanwhile at Macbeth HQ, Kube/Puck is telling his secretary to free up tomorrow night for some alone time. She says she will be busy. He tries to set up more dates, but her response is still the same. Meaning that she dumped him. That is what you get for sleeping with the entire staff and waving it in her face, you idiot. Just because you have a body now doesn’t mean you can throw it at everyone.

Amarok is busy on his laptop trying to find locations where Siren can drain more energy and feed on some libido. Oh my! Moco comes out with a towel draped around her shoulder and panties… that’s it. Talk about getting your fan service in a strong early dose. She asks if Amarok is at all interested in her avatar’s body. He bluntly says no, and she says that he has no libido. Is this an anime or a borderline porno? I can’t tell anymore.

Back at Globe HQ, Akari learns that Salty Dog has just launched their new unmanned attack ship called the Sarama Engine. A ship with a face only a mother would love. And I mean it, it has a face. But we’ll get to that later. We have a scene where Blondie McGrump is talking into a paper cup about adults and kids working together to save the world first. You know, important stuff! Then we have to have a flashback of when Globe first obtained Hana and a talk they had. A talk about how, if Hana ever re-enters the Blume, she will not be able to get out unless Daichi is there to pull her out. I mentioned this, I think in a past review, that Daichi is the only one able to communicate with her when she is in the Blume. So he is the only one able to pull her out. Otherwise she becomes the ship and can never leave.

Now it’s time for some airship fighting action! The Samara Engine closes in on our heroes. After a few laser attacks from the ship’s funnel laser turrets, Daichi says that it isn’t easy being a pirate. But he says it in an actually cool manner; I think this is the first time I saw him do or say something cool. Daichi just isn’t that good of a character. Plus um… oh, some more character development would help! Seriously, this is a 25 episode anime. You could throw a little development our way; is that too much to ask anime writers?! But I digress.

After a few more attempts, Hana has a clearing moment and decides to confront the engine in her Flare engine. Daichi is hesitant, but Teppei says to let her go. She launches, and, after a few good hits, she falls into the ocean. Well that was short lived. Evil McBeardyman says they will send a team to retrieve Hana, but a loud rumbling can be heard. Thus we see or first sight of The Blume which is actually a giant alien spaceship! The Samara Engine begins to charge up a giant laser to attack The Blume. Evil McBeardyman is yelling at the Engine to stop because they need Hana unharmed but it isn’t listening. These guys need better control of machinery.

The Blume fires it’s own laser canon and makes quick work of the Engine. Now remember, folks, this is the laser that destroyed an asteroid while it was in orbit! Everyone has a nice, relaxing sigh of relieve and they entire Japanese airspace and are now safe. Thus ends episode 19. Still, this series fails to explain a lot of things. It throws all these people and random, made up words at us with little to no explanation of what they are or how they are relevant to the main plot. Heck, there are so many side plots thrown in that I’m losing track of what the main story objective is. And we only have maybe 5 episodes left, so hopefully we can shed some light onto what is really going on. Even though we should’ve been told 7 episodes ago!

Challenge time! First the weekly challenge. Best case scenario, in my opinion, is that some of the Kiltagangs join up with the Engines to fight off the others to actually save the Earth rather than destroy it, then team up to defeat Salty Dog in a final confrontation as they take over the massive alien spaceship waiting outside of Jupiter. Worst case scenario is that the Engines fail in stopping the Kiltagangs from reaching Earth, and humanity is forced to leave the Earth to survive and is hunted down through space until they are completely wiped out. Now for the second challenge.

Bobby Player Was Attacked

Watch Captain Earth on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders (Episode Nineteen)
Player: Elk
Class: DJ

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Stardust Crusaders

Another week has come and gone, and we talk to you about some more anime. I get the honour of being the person to talk to you about the BEST anime this season, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.

I thought we couldn’t get any weirder than the pedophile orangutan episode… and I was right, but this is a close second.

We open up to Kakyoin seemingly having a nightmare while we hear a baby crying. This will be important later so don’t forget it. In Kakyoin’s dream, he’s riding a ferris wheel with a dog. This’ll be important later, so don’t forget it. Everyone’s having a good time, and a balloon floats towards the ferris wheel box they’re in with a card attached.

Did you think “This is a tarot card”? If not, dock yourself 15 anime watcher points. If you’re Anime Watcher Newbie I guess only dock 5, since you’re a newb at this sort of thing. It IS a tarot card. Death 13. Of course this freaks out Kakyoin, and with good reason. All season the team’ve been fighting Stands named after the tarot, not to mention their own stands are also named after the cards.

The image pops out of the card and attacks. And this is the part that makes me slightly upset. Kakyoin being a now seasoned fighter dodges the attack. The dog isn’t a seasoned fighter and get’s a scythe through the face, splashing blood everywhere. At this moment Polnareff wakes Kakyoin up. turns out Kakyoin is the type of person who thrashes in his sleep during nightmares. He knows his dream was terrible, but can’t remember anything about it. When he goes to leave the room he notices his hand is cut, but doesn’t know why.

Outside the place they stayed, a young boy is crying, his dog’s been killed. Lo and behold the same dog from the dream has a giant face wound. Kakyoin is disturbed, but isn’t 100% sure why. At the same time Joseph is aruing with a middle-eastern man over a cesna he paid for the other night.

A baby has a high fever and the town needs to fly it to a place with medical attention. The woman carrying the baby suggests they take the baby, if they really need to leave so badly. The baby has an evil face with yellow eyes and fangs, but only for a split second. This is why this is the second weirdest episode.

Everyone hops on board and they’re on their way from the UAE to Cairo. Polnareff and Kakyoin start napping, and they both wind up at the same theme park as before. Kakyoin remembers everything while in the dream, but Polnareff is having a bout of stupidity and lucidity and trying to reassure Kakyoin that dreams are fun by summoning popcorn and an ice cream cone.

The muddled sound of a voice tells Polnareff he’s an idiot, and the dead dog is back. a megaphone pops out of the dog’s face wound, followed by a giant eye. Kakyoin warns Polnareff it’s Death 13 and it pops out of the eye, growing to full size and choking Polnareff with one hand. They both try to summon their Stand but as it’s a dream world controlled by Freddie… I mean the baby… they can’t, nor can they physically touch the Stand, since only a Stand can beat another Stand.

Right before Polnareff’s face is torn to shreds, he’s woken up by the awake half of the crew making him change the baby’s diaper. He knows he’s had a terrible dream, but he can’t remember it. This is another of the Stand’s powers.

Death 13 changes focus on Kakyoin, and Kakyoin starts mutilating his own arm with a pocket knife he had on him. Death 13 tells him it’s useless as he can’t wake himself up from inside the dream by hurting himself. Outside of the dream Kakyoin is thrashing like a mad person and accidentally kicks the controls to the plane sending them in a downwards spiral.

Joseph manages to pull up at the last second, having to use Hermit Purple to take direct control of the plane, something I didn’t know he could do. Everything thinks they’re safe, but then they clip some palm trees and crash land in the desert. This finally wakes up Kakyoin.

Sometime later, Kakyoin finally notices his arm is injured. He wasn’t just trying to wake himself up though, he carved BABY STAND into his arm. He can’t remember doing it, but it’s his handwriting. He also notices the baby staring at him, but it looks away when he meets it’s eyes, which only raises more suspicion.

He angrily picks the baby up, but it starts crying, and the rest of the crew who haven’t carved warnings into their arms think he’s losing his mind. We leave off at the evil baby feeling satisfied that his identity is still secret to almost everyone.

This is a second anime version of a manga that’s been out for a LONG time. For that reason I know how this ends. However based on all the episodes this season I’d say the ultimate BAD END would be the baby killing everyone one by one while they sleep since in the dream world he’s the only one who can summon his Stand. Dio would rule the Earth and the JoJo universe would turn into Twilight.

The ultimate good end would be Dio is actually the baby, since we don’t know it’s name. He’s used vampire magic to de-age himself, and this is why the baby has fangs. Kakyoin throws the baby down a well while everyone else sleeps and they win. JoJo’s mom is saved, and the Joestar line isn’t plagued by this feud with Dio ever again. They go to space to fight an alien enemy, and every second episode is made up entirely of charging attacks and monologues. Wait, this is JoJo, not DBZ.

So, get ready for violence against infants next episode, since I don’t see this ending well for the little tyke.

Elk Attacked A Player

Watch JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

The Irregular At Magic High School (Episode Nineteen)
Player: Kayarath
Class: Content Provider

The Irregular At Magic High School

It wouldn’t be The Irregular at Magic High School without some sinister organization trying to get its claws into some school-related event for personal gain. The Thesis competition is on the horizon, and leading-edge magic research is a prime target for theft. Security concerns are brought up and addressed but I get the feeling it’ll be up to our protagonist to save the day.

If it all goes swimmingly, the paper Tatsuya’s team will present will pave the way for magicians to have a future in the civilian workforce. Currently, the main use of magic users are as weapons of war. If magic can be used in energy production, that will change things real quick. Maybe Tatsuya can go on to live a peaceful live and maybe even marry Mayumi Saegusa? Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part?

Back in the present, Tatsuya and friends are getting spied on. It seems another student with a grudge is trying to gather some intel but was quickly discovered. If it wasn’t for the rocket attachments (yes, I said rocket attachments) on her bike, she would have been caught for sure. The next day, they catch someone else trying to spy on them. A subset of the combat group dispatch themselves to intercept him. It seems this guy is an agent of some sort sent to watch over them and counter agents from another group.

There’s lot of players in this game, folks. Things are setting up, and the pieces are moving into place. Hopefully Tatsuya won’t lose that artifact he’s holding on to or get dragged back into the battlefield. That would be a worst case scenario for him. Will it happen? Tune in next week to find out.

Kayarath Challenge Successful

Watch The Irregular at Magic High School on Daisuki or talk about this episode on our forums.

Terror in Resonance (Episode Seven)
Player: Whiskahs
Class: Technomancer


This week’s episode of Terror in Resonance brings all of our characters together in the same place for the first time, though they don’t really sit down and have a cup of tea together. While Nine and Twelve rush around the airport playing their virtual game of chess with Five, Lisa hangs in the wings waiting for a call to do something, and Shibazaki arrives at the airport with a few of his police buddies to try and figure out what’s going on and why they are being kept out of it.

Toward the end of the chess match, Nine and Twelve have Lisa set off a flare in one of the airport bathrooms to provide a distraction. This allows the two of them to move around without much interference for a time, but Five ends up discerning that Lisa is aiding the two boys and sends one of her men to capture her. After Lisa is securely locked on a plane together with a bomb, Five confronts Twelve, and the two sort of catch up… if you could call it that. Five mostly just reveals that she is pretty crazy, and Twelve ends up running away after some of Five’s men start to fire at him.

Eventually Nine and Twelve meet back up and discover that Lisa is not only on a plane with the bomb, but also that the plane is being piloted toward the terminal where they are located. Five aims to kill them in the blast, but Nine and Twelve are equally worried about all the other people in the terminal who would be sure to die if they just tried to save themselves. So, thinking on their feet, Twelve calls Shibazaki and informs him of the situation before suggesting that he break into the air traffic control tower and stop the plane. Shibazaki is reluctant at first, but agrees while Nine and Twelve jack a vehicle on the runway and attempt to save Lisa.

In the end, everything turns out alright. Lisa narrowly manages to avoid getting blown up or falling to her death, Shibazaki has the man controlling the plane drive it away from the terminal before it explodes, and our favorite not-really-but-still-technically terrorists escape. The one caveat to this is that Five apparently took Lisa’s ID off of her when she was captured, so she know the identities of all three of our heroes. Given her crazy smile and behavior, I’m going to guess that this development is a bad thing.

So possible resolutions for this show?

The “bad”

1. In some climatic showdown, everyone but Lisa dies. I’ve kinda assumed this would be the ending up to this point, but have started to have some doubts as to if the show will go this dark given some of the story decisions. The idea would be that pretty much everyone has a point to prove, so narratively someone needs to survive to tell the story. This ending would saddle Lisa with the role of the “hero” as she exposes whatever Nine and Twelve are trying to do while bringing Shibazaki’s actions to the spotlight in a way they cannot be ignored, though I’m not entirely sure what that would mean for her.

The “good”

2. Five dies. Nine and Twelve manage to expose the organization they have been targeting with the help of Shibazaki before disappearing in some climatic final event that makes it appear as they are dead. Lisa and Shibazaki likely know they have survived, and maybe Nine leaves behind something to let Lisa know one way or another. At the end of this, Shibazaki will either quit the police force or get promoted, but I’m not entirely sure what will happen to Lisa. I have the feeling she’ll end up in a passive sort of witness role, but maybe Nine and Twelve will take her along with them? I feel like that’s about as unlikely as Shibazaki adopting her, but who knows? I kinda wish we’d get some more characterization on Lisa or something, because right now it isn’t really clear what her role is supposed to be.

Aero Challenge Successful

Watch Terror in Resonance on Funimation or talk about this episode on our forums.

DRAMAtical Murder (Episode Seven)
Player: Sho
Class: Content Provider


We’re already on episode 7! And we’re greeted with a super cute Aoba-chan! There definitely won’t be any drama this time, right? There’s a cute Aoba child kid. And Koujaku looks so much bigger than him. Haha, as if there’d be any less drama. Koujaku and Aoba both get into the Platinum Jail, and the first thing they see are large fireworks! Large fireworks that seems to brainwash the people in Platinum Jail. Then, of course, Koujaku runs off and Aoba tries to chase after him, but finds himself in a club… But then he passes out. He meets a really disturbing guy named Ryuha. A tattoo artist that messed with Koujaku before, putting a tattoo on him and sealing his soul. He runs in and slashes at Ryuha, presumably killing him and making his rage even more uncontrollable. Aoba uses that time to use his Scrap ability and enter Koujaku.

Something disturbing that Ryuha said before Koujaku slashed at him was that Koujaku actually killed his mother. When Aoba enters Koujaku, tattoos start to grab and chase Aoba, making him run further and further into an impossibly large looking Japanese home. He reaches the final room and finds Koukaju being swallowed by the tattoos. He reaches Koujaku through the tattoos and he starts telling Aoba his story.

Apparently he was supposed to be the heir to his father’s throne. His father called him to be the heir and he was required to have a tattoo to become the heir. Ryuha placed the tattoo on him, and the process got progressively more painful. On the last one, it was too much for Koujaku to bear, and he passed out. When he awoke… Let’s just say it wasn’t a pleasant sight for him to see. After this, Aoba convinces Koujaku to stay with them and destroys “The part of Koujaku that is grounded in the past.” And they awaken. They wake and Ryuha, alive for just a little longer, reports to Toue that the experiment is complete, and he collapses, presumably dead… Again.

Now, what will happen with this series? I wonder since I haven’t played the Visual Novels and haven’t heard much about it either. I’d imagine that the end will involve Aoba defeating Toue and mastering his Scrap ability. Then he’ll have to pick a dude to love. Because the source material was very Boys Love. From this episode, I think Koujaku is a likely candidate, because Aoba has known him for so long. Except… Since he’s a childhood friend, it probably won’t work. Clear would be my next guess. He’s so strange. So yeah! Classic hero mastering his powers and getting the erm… Boy of his dreams!

Knightshade Challenge Successful

Watch DRAMAtical Murder on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Week 007 Tally

  1. Kanashimi: 1705
  2. Bobby Henshin: 1670
  3. Elk: 1490
  4. Kayarath: 1440
  5. Whiskahs: 1430
  6. Sho: 1160
  7. The Editor: 115

Week 007 Token Counts

  1. Kanashimi: 5 Tokens
  2. Bobby Henshin: 7 Token
  3. Elk: 4 Tokens
  4. Kayarath: 5 Token
  5. Whiskahs: 6 Token
  6. Sho: 5 Token
  7. The Editor: 2 Token

Next week’s challenge: The powers are flying this week! Let’s keep it going. This week’s challenge is to make sure your summary uses each letter of the alphabet to earn 30 points (within words; no cheating, guys!). As an added bonus, each additional time you use every letter beyond the challenge is worth a Token (for a maximum of 3 tokens!).

Make sure to vote for your favorite review below! You can give your favorite a Token!

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  • Elk August 27, 2014 at 8:15 AM

    Don’t forget to listen to the audio clip at the end of Bobby’s review!
    Also be sure to read mine, which involves evil babies.

  • nerdwerld August 27, 2014 at 7:24 PM

    Oh my mother of raptor Jesus, Bobby’s review in on it’s self was amazing. Then what is this gem at the end? Bobby’s review today was the most entertaining to read and the audio clip was the icing on the cake. So yes, I vote Bobby Henshin this week for the best review of this week, and possible best review in simulblast ever. Beyond that Elk’s review was about killing babies, because when you think about Saudi Arabia you think about infanticide… this is why I love JJBA

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