This week in Simulblast! A flurry of favoritism! A battle of the beloved! Which character comes out on top for each of our contestants? Who’s getting a huge point boost while leaving one of our contestants in the dust? It’s not who you might expect!

This week’s challenge: It’s time to catch your favorite! If you could take a character home who would it be and what would you do with them?

Chaika ~ The Coffin Princess (Episode Eight)
Player: Kanashimi
Class: Boss

Alberic apparently returned to base in an effort to look at the old Emperor Gaz files. He is being told that perhaps the Chaika case is something that might not pose a threat; he disagrees, considering she’s stealing the remains. He is told to take a break while our trio is traveling across a bumpy road. They have a conversation, essentially explaining how magic works from their memories of things. In fact, it was Emperor Gaz himself that actually forged the techniques through which they use magic today.

The group is stopped by Neo Gaz followers who wish to restore that empire as well as celebrate Chaika’s birthright. Granted, they have no idea she’s Chaika, but it makes for a humorous and awkward scene. Until another girl claiming to be Chaika emerges. Thankfully, she’s blonde and looks nothing like the main character. The trio gets roped into pretending to be a performance troupe, and as such they must display their abilities to the “princess.” C’mon, just bust through… really? Akari seems to be enjoying this, though. Wow, this performance seems actually pretty well made. Can they leave now, though?

Oh my, Chaika blushing, uguuu! The “princess” is talking to Chaika and asking her about her relationship with Toru, but it turns into adorable. The princess is obviously not Chaika, and, in fact, they’re just a band of thieves. They’re gonna to take all of their money in the middle of the night or try to… annnnnnd they’re down and tied up. So the princess, Julia, got trapped while stealing from a house, and everyone is tied up. Chaika is gonna play the big doe-eyed card and get them to save her imposter.

Toru begrudgingly agrees, and they save her with little to no problems. There are a few heart-to-heart conversations with these characters we’ll never see again as our gang rides off into the sunset. Realistically, this episode just felt like filler, which was kinda disappointing all things considered.

As for this week’s challenge, I think it’s a given that I’d take Chaika home with me. I mean, her eating me out of house and home is a possibility, but if I can tease her relentlessly, I don’t see why not. She’s ridiculously adorable without being annoying, which is a rarity with moe type of characters. They’re either derping around somewhere or getting angry for reasons people can’t understand. Chaika is naïve, but I can deal with that if the intention is good enough. Also, I’d love to see her face when I beat her at video games, mwahaha.

Watch Chaika ~ The Coffin Princess on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Captain Earth (Episode Eight)
Player: Bobby Henshin
Class: DJ

An empty, dark room is our setting as a lone figure in front of a roulette table looks at his hand and says that he will never hold anything in it. Welcome to episode eight, everyone! After that symbolic opening, we are thrown into Kiltgang HQ where Kube is talking with Puck about the Kiltgang’s last attack and how he is shaken up about there being two of them at a time. Amarok and Moco’s Goodfellow machines are out of commission for two weeks because the last fight left them hurting. Puck gives them the keys to the remaining Goodfellows… wait, there are more?! Meanwhile at Globe, Teppei tells us that Amarok, Moco, and himself aren’t the only Kiltgangs on Earth. There are actually five more, two males and three females. Teppei explains that they would all have amnesia like him, and, if they come in contact with the Kiltgangs, Amarok and Moco, they will regain all of their memories. So the mission now is to find the remaining Kiltgangs and get them on their side.

The team arrives in Obaiha, where our greatest hero, Pitz, predicted that there will be a Oberion energy fluctuation in this area. On board a train, our team dresses to impress as the boys dress in their finest suits while Akari puts on a frilly, pink short dress and Hana dons a tight scarlet dress with matching stockings. Excuse me as I complete this weeks Simulblast challenge, take Hana to a nice dinner and a movie with a night of gazing at the stars atop a New York tower, then walk her home, for I am a classy gentleman and will not succumb to the creepy antics of catching a character and taking them home with me. Now excuse me as I pet Pitz and take him home with me, because he is adorable. Also, I forgot to mention that this was all taking place aboard a train.

After the mission briefing, Akari uses her internet skills to look for the most likely place for the Kiltgang to be. Instead she finds a five-star casino where they have a large selection of designer desserts. Cut to the fancy casino, and I do mean fancy; this place is made of gold. As they finish and head to the casino floor, they are stopped by the employee who is running the roulette table. Of course, it is the person we saw in front of the roulette table at the beginning of the episode. He stops our team and says that minors are not allowed on the casino floor. Akari says that it’s okay because she told the manager that they are just there to observe and nothing more; plus she gave him a really good tip. The manager comes and confirms her story. The employee’s name is Zin, and the manager has come to tell him that a friend has come to see him. This throws him off because, when he met our team, he made a comment about not having friends. Due to the fact he thought they must all be good friends because they are teasing Daichi by calling him nothing but Captain for the whole episode, and it makes him uncomfortable.

The friend of Zin is named Naoko, a high school friend of his who was looking for him after he dropped out. If you haven’t guessed by now, Zin is the Kiltgang our team is looking
for. Back in high school, it looks like Zin’s buddy was trying to get him into photography. Zin’s fist ever picture he took was of Naoko, and the photo was so good that it won first prize in a contest. Thing is, though, his so-called buddy submitted it under his own name and not Zin’s. So he took all the credit for the award-winning picture. His friend asked him if he could us the picture because it was his camera he used. Can you believe this guy?

Later on in the night, Zin is asked to meet the leader of the Japanese mafia. Turns out Zin has the ability to force the outcome of the roulette table with his mind. So the mafia boss wants to use this power to his advantage. In enters Amarok and Moco! Amarok uses his anime Sonic the hedgehog speed to knock the boss out while Moco makes her way to Zin and… kisses him… okay? Towards the start of the episode, Teppei said that if they come in contact with the Kiltgangs in a certain way they will regain their memories. Turns out that curtain thing is kissing them. Zin’s memories are restored, and his Goodfellow activates. Amarok says good morning and calls him by his real name, Zimbalt. His personality goes from timid, emotional young man to Kefka from Final Fantasy VI crazy. He jumps in his Mini Goodfellow, which is like those Nightmare-frame-type robots and gets ready to escape the city.

The team finds the signal and gets ready to launch their own mini robot piloted by Daichi called The Earth Engine Ordinary. That actually has to be the worst name for a robot I have ever heard, if not the most demeaning. Now the fight starts with a few well-executed blows. After a while, Zimbalt scares and a red ring of light shows up exactly like Teppei’s rainbow ring. Teppei cannot do this anymore after he destroyed his cube. Anyway, this ring is actually his power, which is to negate all energy except for Oberion energy for 20 seconds. Too bad for him, Daichi’s LivLaster fires and uses Oberion energy. Now, powering his Earth Engine with his LivLaster, Daichi fires one strong blast as Zimbalt follows suit. Zimbalt’s Goodfellow starts to explode as he hits eject and makes his way to Amarok and Moco. He looks at his hand and says “I guess I can hold everything in my hands now.” Then gives a creepy smile as the credits roll. What is it with this show and creepy people?!

This is getting interesting. Now we have a new Kiltgang and still have four more to go. Will there be new members of the team, or will we have four more enemies to deal with? Stay tuned and find out! See you next episode, everyone.

Watch Captain Earth on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders (Episode Eight)
Player: Elk
Class: DJ

Hey it’s time for Simulblast! Episode 8 of JoJo to be exact and I’m going to write this slightly differently. Instead of telling you what’s happening, I’m going to give you my reactions.

You already know how I feel about the OP so we’ll skip that.

We left our heroes in a lifeboat on the way to Singapore and they’ve made it. Polnareff gets some harassment, which is quite hilarious. The stowaway, who has successfully made it to Singapore where she’s supposed to meet her father, also finds this funny. After some interesting discussion about the child’s future with the group, it’s time to head to a hotel.

Everyone is happy to finally be able to relax without fighting Stand users after their trip. That would make a boring episode, so good thing they’re wrong! everyone splits up into different rooms. This will be a Polnareff-centric episode, so we’re going to focus on him. He’s in for a slight surprise as he is attacked soon after entering his room. The surprise is slight for a funny reason you’ll see when you watch the episode.

Polnareff easily beats up the enemy Stand user, which is kind of odd. For good reason, as he gets back up and apparently has some sort of revenge complex. The whole scene is odd and interesting. Once Polnareff thinks it’s over, however, his ankle is slashed from behind. Quite shocking, though you’d probably have guessed the culprit at the same time I did earlier in the episode. Polnareff alerts the others, and, for some reason, no one is going to check on him at all. Polnareff acts like a complete moron, and everyone watching this episode simultaneously facepalms.

After some whining about messing up new pants and some insight into our enemy of the day thanks to Avdol (which is pretty cool), his revenge complex is explained.

So now that Polnareff made the calls, he gets trapped under the bed by the enemy. We get to see some would-be gruesome highly censored random violence, and then the fight truly begins. This is actually really cool. Polnareff is bound and can’t see anything. It makes this episode more exciting, which is strange since it takes place entirely in a hotel room, when the others had perhaps cooler fight locations.

Again, everyone else ignores Polnareff despite him being the one who was attacked, and for that we get some head shaking disbelief as their fight rages on. The enemy has a nonsensical strategy of spilling beer all over the floor and threatens to bite Polnareff’s balls off. That’s the weirdest threat I’ve heard in an anime…

Polnareff, much like everyone else, however, has outsmarted his enemy. How? You’ll have to watch to find out.

To end the episode we’re left with what I found to be quite a shocking cliffhanger. Let me know what you think of the cliffhanger in the comments, and if you liked my write-up best, don’t forget to vote for me!

As for which character I’d take home? Probably Joseph, as his Stand power seems really interesting, and because of bias from Part 2. Out of the three parts so far, he’s my favorite lead. I’d use him and his position in the Speedwagon organization to make 91.8 The Fan bigger and better with the funding it deserves!

Watch JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

The Irregular At Magic High School (Episode Eight)
Player: Kayarath
Class: Content Provider

Don’t think of The Irregular at Magic High School as a twenty-six episode anime. Think of it as a series of four movies, each cut up into between five and eight episodes each. While this may do good things for plot integrity, reviewing a single episode can be a bit of a drag. We are now in the Nine Schools Competition arc, which is basically a giant track and field event… with magic! The actual competition is several episodes away, as it takes a while to prepare for these types of events.

The school is short on engineers for the event, so the school council ropes Tatsuya into doing the job. He’s not too keen on the idea, but he’s also a go-with-the-flow type of guy. Of course, some people object to the idea, so Tatsuya must prove his abilities in a demonstration. His unorthodox but highly effective methods earn him scorn and praise, and then he lands the job without a hitch. It’s such a forgone conclusion that the anime takes it as more of an opportunity to do magical exposition than to have dramatic conflict.

If you’re looking for a few cheap thrills, then we have Erika Chiba in bloomers and Miyuki Shiba in a performance costume! This show is so crammed full of hardcore awesome people that a flash-stepping samurai like Erika is basically just another schoolgirl there. Even the school counselor is a secret agent with some ninja thrown in. Erika teases people, does bits of fanservice, and has a childhood friend who wants to break out of the friend zone. She is a cool person in general, and in fact, I would enjoy hanging out with her. Erika can teach me swordmanship, or we could just hang out. Miyuki is in an event at the Nine Schools Competition, so of course she’ll need a cute costume to compete in.

There’s also loads of magical science explanation. It’s a mainstay of the series so far. If that’s your thing, then this show is your thing. While it may be going too fast for me, It is clear that magic flying hasn’t been invented yet. When it comes to vertical movement, everyone doesn’t fly; they just jump real good. It’s so complicated, no one has done it yet. Logically, that means Tatsuya invents magic flying in his basement. Cue “I Believe I Can Fly” by R. Kelly and call it an episode!

One more thing: Turns out there’s gonna be an international crime syndicate at the Nine Schools Competition. Just wanted to let you know…

Watch The Irregular at Magic High School on Daisuki or talk about this episode on our forums.

No Game No Life (Episode Eight)
Player: Whiskahs
Class: Technomancer

With episode 8, the story begins to move forward again. Sora, with sister and company in tow, travels to the giant tower that is the Eastern Federation’s (home of the werebeasts) embassy. Steph is confused and freaking out, Jibril isn’t too troubled, and Shiro is just sorta there. Once the group approaches the door, they are greeted by a grey-haired werebeast named Ino who seems to have been expecting Sora’s arrival. Everyone but Shiro seems surprised by this and assumes that its because of the rumored werebeast ability to read minds. After a bit of chatter, the group enters the tower.

Unlike the somewhat medieval technology the human’s possess, the werebeasts’ tower is filled with monitors and has working elevators, which puzzles Jibril and Steph, as they have never seen anything like them. Sora asks the two to confirm that they had actually never seen them before, and then continues on with Ino to the elevator. Once inside, Jibril seems to go out of her way to trade insults with Ino, which they both seem to attribute to old grudges from the great war that occurred before the god Tet took over the world and enforced the pledges. During the elevator ride, we also discover that even though open warfare was disallowed, the humans and werebeasts had competed in a “war” of building the tallest building possible, the werebeast embassy eventually winning out over the human palace.

At the top of the tower, the group is introduced to ambassador of the werebeasts and Ino’s granddaugter, Izuna. Upon seeing her, Sora and Shiro rush to her side and immediately start petting her. This elicits some ire from Ino, and at first it seems as though Izuna is perturbed as well as she responds to the action by being rather blunt with them. It turns out she is still learning the human language and is still rather young (8 years old or so), so she hasn’t quite mastered the art of communication. Eventually she requests that they continue, which bothers Ino.

Once all of the trolling of Ino pauses, the group moves to a room with a large table where Ino begins to initiate conversation about the reason Sora had come. Sora asks why he has to explain why he has come to Ino since he should just be able to read his mind, to which Ino say that matters of diplomacy are best spoken. After a bit more trolling on Sora’s part, a conversation begins where he deconstructs all the myths around the werebeasts’ abilities (aka they can’t read minds) and goads Ino and the Eastern Federation into accepting a challenge from him for their entire nation.

Sora manages to force the issue by pointing out that, now that he knows that werebeasts’ mind reading ability doesn’t exist and the reason everyone loses against them is because they simply don’t understand video games (since no other race has them), they effectively must accept his challenge since Sora threatens to reveal all of what he knows to the world, which would effectively cripple the Eastern Federation and make them vulnerable to invasion. After issuing his challenge, he offers the human chess piece, a representation of humanity’s status among the intelligent races, as his bet, to Steph and Jibril’s confusion. This gives Ino pause and causes him to request time to talk to his government about the challenge.

Back at the palace, Steph is back to thinking of Sora as a monster. If Sora loses the challenge he issued, humanity would be removed from the protection of the pledges and could thus be killed, enslaved, or whatever by the other races of the world. Since the piece represents the race, all humanity in the world know the bet had been made and are gathered outside the palace in protest. Sora doesn’t seemed too concerned and is utterly convinced he will win, which doesn’t do much to ease Steph’s nerves; even Jibril seems legitimately concerned about the situation.

The episode wraps up oddly. Things go grayscale and static-y for a second at a time, which Sora seems to notice. He then turns to his sister and starts telling her how much he believes in her and about not forgetting whatever promise he had made to her growing up before randomly disappearing. It seems the game has begun, but there isn’t really enough information to go off of to know what has happened. I’m sure it’ll be explained in the next episode.

One thing I’ve begun to suspect, particularly after the game against Jibril, is that there is a lot of word play going on in this show that just doesn’t translate. The way some characters react to how Sora says things and the conversations themselves seems to hint that there is something missing, which is a little frustrating. Maybe one day, if I ever learn Japanese, I’ll go back and rewatch some of these episodes to see if my theory is correct.

Or maybe after this season is over I’ll just forget about this series and never waste my time with it again. We’ll see.

As for which character I would bring home with me, I think it might be one of the random nameless adolescent werebeast women shown in the tower. None of the human characters seem terribly interesting, and introducing creatures with magical power to a world where they aren’t prevented from using the power for destructive purposes seems like a terrible idea. Most of the races were used as weapons of war after all, so it isn’t too far fetched that bringing home someone like Jibril, who seems to miss war and slaughter, would only lead to the pain and suffering of millions.

The werebeasts seem as though they are technologically similar enough to bring to our world without too much culture shock. With only her crazy keen senses, ears, and tail, one of the ladies wouldn’t completely disrupt the world as we know it. As to the reason why I’d want to bring back a random adolescent female instead of the senior Ino or the child Izuna, it would be to introduce the possibility of werebeast-ish people in our world. I’m not twisted enough to keep her locked in my house like some sort of slave, though, so I’d mostly bring her here and hope that she’d just hit it off with some dude in our world and get at it. We could stop the search for alien life because I will have introduced it to our world! Though it seems like the better option to do that would be to bring back several couples.

Weeaboos and furries everywhere would laud me as a hero for generations.

Watch No Game, No Life on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Daimidaler (Episode Eight)
Player: Knightshade
Class: DJ

What’s going down everybody?! This show is making me question my existence, and I continue to wonder why I watch this show! It’s making me think horrible bad thoughts of evil! Well, let’s take a look at Daimidaler episode 8.

Things aren’t looking good for Ritz and her penguin concubines as they wander the desert trying to get back to base. Meanwhile, at the penguin base, the Penguin Empire is wondering what to do until Ritz and the rest get back. The first thing that comes to mind is that the collective penguins watch porn, because that’s… normal? However, the Emperor summons a new ally named (and I kid you not) Macaroni, I mean it. His highness then fondles her breast and she proclaims that her underwear is gone. I swear, sometimes I wonder if this show was written by a boy going through puberty.

Meanwhile, the admin is explaining a new plan to Shouma and Kiriko, but they’re being too lovey dovey to notice that he’s even talking. He yells at them to get a move on so he can show them the newest mech, the HEP-R 06: Daimidaler Type-6 Kiriko, the strongest and best one they have now. Well, it certainly looks cool enough, but as soon as the admin is talking to the other scientists, the two slip away to get alone. However, Kiriko gets the two lost, and she explodes her way to the command center.

At the Penguin Empire, it looks like they’re trying to see how the summoning works. It looks like it doesn’t affect non-living objects, but it could have a serious effects on a person’s body mass, memory, or body fluid, down to a person’s money and or clothing. Umm… sure, I guess. She then takes her leave but also leaves her panties behind as well. Ritz and the others are still in the desert looking for food. Dennis finds a scorpion and tries to eat it but gets stung. He claims to see a light, and it looks like they’re going home when the penguin beam drags them up. Some perverted stuff happens and I don’t really know what happened after that. I guess that the penguins wanted to measure Kiriko, and they got the measurements out of the kindness of her heart… I guess. Back at the base, the admin gets a transmission from the Penguin Empire saying that they will start “Operation New Penguin.” They then use the summoning device to bring out a brand new robot and the episode ends.

Well, as for the person I would take home, I’d take no one home with me due to the frustration I have with everyone on the show! Sorry, but everyone loses! As for the episode, I’m not sure what it’s trying to be anymore! All I know is that it’s an ecchi. The plot is basically non-existent at this point, and I wanna murder everyone on the show! Let’s give it 4 brand new robots out of 10, and I’ll wait for more horror next week. Take care, everyone!

Watch Daimidaler on Funimation or talk about this episode on our forums.

Black Bullet (Episode Eight)
Player: Midnight
Class: DJ

Midnight has been removed from the competition due to failure to post. She relinquishes all of her points to the editor, and may not return until next season!

Watch Black Bullet on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Week 008 Tally

1. Kanashimi: 820
2. Bobby Henshin: 810
3. Elk: 710
4. Kayarath: 680
5. Whiskahs: 600
6. Knightshade: 550
7. The Editor: 300
8. Midnight: 0

Next week’s challenge: Get your print screen buttons ready! This week’s challenge is to take one screenshot from your episode that you think sums up the episode the best! Be sure to keep it clean!

Make sure to vote for your favorite review below! You can give your favorite an extra 20 points.