Simulblast! Week 005 Of Spring 2014

Posted on May 12 2014

Simublast Spring Week 005 2014

Who will meme and who will be memed on? Will one of our contestants be crowned MemeQueen?

This week’s challenge: Include as many internet memes as possible in your episode summary!

Captain Earth (Episode Five)
Player: Bobby Henshin
Class: DJ

Captain Earth


Welcome everyone to episode feels of Captain Earth. Sorry, I mean episode five. This episode does give you the feels, though. We start off with Teepei and Daichi in the hospital getting checked up and patched up from last episode’s attack. Teppei is starting to doubt everything now due to him finding out about his past and who he is. He believes that he cannot be trusted now. Hana tried to make Daichi feel better using a magic spell that Akari taught her. Oh no… this can’t be good. She stands up and leaves her dress. Akari told her that if she showed Daichi her belly button that he would feel better. Completely flashing Daichi and the doctor, Daichi tells her that it doesn’t work in a dress.

A phone call comes in for Teppei, saying that he needs to go see the Commander right away. He leaves without a word. Hana follows, asking him what is wrong. He simply says that she shouldn’t be so trusting of him and drives away. At the briefing, we learn that Teppei was an artificially-born child. The one who gave him his genes is a prisoner being held in the same space station that houses the Earth Engine. So, technically, this man is Teppei’s father. His mission is to break him out and protect him from a group of spies who are attempting to kidnap him. And now Teppei leaves for the space station while being accompanied by Akari. Their cover story is that Akari really wanted to see her mother, so Teppei is there as her bodyguard.

We arrive at the station where another rocket just came in unloading supplies. Teppei senses something with that shuttle, but brushes it off for now. In the control room, we see Akari and he mother talking. Akari’s mother is extremely happy to see her, while Akrai just remains silent and a little down. Teppei goes over to two girls who are talking about how cute he is. I’ve noticed this in the last few episodes: girls tend to say Teppei is cute. Teppei asks the two girls about the other shuttle that was in the docking bay. Turns out it’s just the usual supply ship. He doesn’t believe it, though.

Teppei gets ready to commence the operation but Akari knew everything from the get go and is ready to help with the mission. Also, I’d like to point out that this anime makes full comedic ability of the use of zero gravity.


Teppei equips a watch-like device that is actually a tranquilizer gun. They float on through the halls, hacking their way through the doors, when Akari realizes that several of the security systems in the station have been shut off. Looks like the spies are making their move.

The two make their way into the holding cells where Eiji, Teppei’s father, is being held. It’s actually a room filled with cryo-sleep pods. They pull out the pod with Eiji in it and wake him up. After a good two minutes of blank staring and Teppei trying to explain to him whats going on, Eiji asks if that is Teppei. Confused about how this man would know his name. Eiji knows it because he is the one that named him. We find out that this man isn’t like Teppei’s father, he is Teppei’s father, but Teppei doesn’t see him as a father at all. By using Akari’s hacking skills, they make their way through blast doors and vents to get to the docking bay.

Eiji is a pretty cool character. He is smooth and cunning. He also has a quick wit and is calm under pressure. They find one spy with a gun waiting for them down a hallway. They find some space suits and use them to distract the guy by sending three suits after him. Two were empty, luring him into a false sense of security, while the third one held Eiji where he counter-struck. They guy wasn’t knocked out, though, as he fires a shot at Teppei after the spy was shot with a tranquilizer dart. Eiji took the bullet for Teppei and was shot in the shoulder.

Hurt badly, they made it to the docking bay, but the enemy shuttle that they planned on stealing is fully guarded. Shot and armed with only a tranquilizer gun, Eiji decides to give himself up so Teppei and Akari can escape. Teppei gets angry, saying that he doesn’t need protection and to stop calling himself his father because he never knew what a father was, and the thought of it just makes him mad. Eiji responds by pulling him close, holding Teppei’s head to his chest, and saying that he never got to read him a single picture book at night and that was the biggest regret of his life. Okay, here come the feels now. Oh God! After the touching moment, Eiji pushes Teppei away and fires the tranquilizer watch at Teppei, knocking him out. He totally stole it mid-hug!


Akari throws a fit while Eiji tells her that it was all to protect him, because the spies would want Teppei’s genes more then his. Plus he says no one would miss him, seeing as he is a criminal and all, as he gets into the elevator to surrender himself. Okay! Eiji is now my favorite character, and I hope to god we get to see him more. With the mission a failure, Teppei and Akari make their way back to Earth. Turns out that the mission was never to get Eiji out, but for Teppei to meet his father, to help him get over the funk he was in. Also Eiji isn’t really a criminal. He was charged for attempted murder and espionage. But his real goal was to get his son back from the group that was in charge of the Kiltgang. He did it all to protect Teppei. Stop being so awesome, Eiji!

Teppei believes that the mission was a failure, but the Commander found out that when the spies shuttle landed, Eiji escaped from them and is now in hiding somewhere. So, all in all, the mission was a success. The episode ends with Teppei looking at the stars and having a new definition for the word Father. This was, in my opinion, the best episode of the series so far. We were introduced to a new character, Eiji, and he was an interesting character. I hope he shows up more in the series. We also got some flags for a Teppei and Akrai romance. I can’t wait to see what happens next. Tune in next time!

Bobby Challenge Successful

Watch Captain Earth on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Chaika ~ The Coffin Princess (Episode Five)
Player: Kanashimi
Class: Boss

Chaika Coffin Princess

Man, I really love that opening theme. I know it’s not Leather Pants or Ievan Polkka, but it’s still a really nice set up for the episode. Anyway, another week, so let’s get ‘er done!

We start with Chaika trying to ask various people who the next hero is. It’s just a gang of ruffians who just want to rape her. Such do not want, but then Toru comes from behind and disarms two of the three. Before he can continue, Fredrica jumps from the roof of a building as a dragon onto the last one, excited to kill her prey. It makes for a comical moment, but simply that. Toru and Chaika have a heartfelt moment which makes my kokoro go doki doki, but Akari comes in and ruins it with a lizard in their face.

The three head to a new town, but Toru and Akari are aware they’re being followed because their skills are on par with the god dang Batman. They are stopped by someone, however, asking them to leave all of their items. The enemy is equipped with a “Snake Blade”, which is a sword that can transform into a sharp whip at a slash. Toru is able to reveal her face in battle, and it matches Chaika’s perfectly besides the short hair. A large man captures Chaika, and Toru and Akari capture the other one, only to split before they run into some of their pursuers. What a twist!

The imposter claims to be named Chaika Bohdan, which I believe is the name Chaika used initially in the first episode. Apparently there are several people claiming to be Chaika who are gathering her father’s remains. In addition, a few people who were chasing Chaika with some noble, political family know about at least one of them and have figured out that the two are going to meet in an attempt to exchange the two girls. The difference here being that this new Chaika wants to gather the remains to kill everyone possible; isn’t that just precious?

And before we get to find out what happens… oh look, credits. I figured I’d be able to shove a few more catchphrases or something in there, but that wasn’t the case. Oh well!

Kana Challenge Successful

Watch Chaika ~ The Coffin Princess on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

The Irregular At Magic High School (Episode Five)
Player: Kayarath
Class: Content Provider

The Irregular At Magic High School

What time is it? Adventure Time! If by “adventure” you mean The Irregular at Magic High School, then you’re right! We start in class, where Tatsuya goes, “magic theory explanation, magic theory explanation, character development” followed by Mizuki going, “Senpai, notice me!” Then it’s date time with Mibu. Tastsuya asks, “so what’s your plan for things after you Row! Row! Fight the power!” and Mibu goes, “Plan?” If only Tastsuya was around when the Arab Spring happened. If it was me, I demand that all female students be required to wear tiny miniskirts!

The next day, some students are trapped in the closet, er, broadcast room! Since Tastsuya is the God darn Batman, the situation is quickly resolved. The student council then agrees to an open debate with the muggle coalition. As this point I would throw in a meme about political campaigning if I though any of you would understand it.

To sum up the debate, the muggles go, “Yo Ho Ho He took a bite of Gum Gum!” Student council president Mayumi Seagusa responds by going, “I have a Dream” and wins by over 9000! While everyone is applauding, the school gets zerg rushed by a terrorist attack. Since they’re armed with guns and bazookas, you think it would be like, “We’re in your base, killin’ your dudes!” Since someone told all the students, “You’re a wizard, Harry.” It’s not gonna be so easy a caveman can do it. Tastsuya and friends spring into action! Will we finally see some real cool magic fights? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z! Err, I mean The Irregular at Magic High School!

Kayarath Challenge Successful

Watch The Irregular at Magic High School on Daisuki or talk about this episode on our forums.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders (Episode Five)
Player: Elk
Class: DJ

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Stardust Crusaders

Welcome back to… episode 5 of Simulblast? We left off with a manly showdown between Polnareff and Avdol, but are their powers over 9000? Only time will tell.

Polnareff shows off with a nifty fencing trick, and dubious science. Perhaps he can explain to us how magnets work. His Stand is Silver Chariot. Thankfully it’s not the penis chariot from Shin Megami Tensei or we might have to call the party van to pick him up.

OP break! How much different would this anime be if the OP song was Never Gonna Give you Up? Probably not a lot given how awesome this series it.

It’s quite funny that it’s the internet meme episode and we can’t bring up steamrollers as Dio’s The World is the most famous meme from JoJo most likely.

They take the fight outside, and Avdol sends out Magician’s Red to kill it with fire. Silver Chariot counters by swiping them away, destroying some art installations.

At this point I have to mention how much Magician’s Red resembles the Flying Men from Earthbound, which are kind of a small scale meme in the Earthbound community. It doesn’t really come into effect as everyone else is clothed, even if the place they’re in looks like Magicant.

Magician’s red takes the victory with some clever trickery, and consequences were never the same again.

Or does he!? The armor flies off Silver Chariot revealing that it, and Polnareff are fine. Fun fact, Benimaru from King of Fighters is inspired by Polnareff and looking at their hair and outfits it’s easy to see. Guile was similarly influenced by a character from season two of JoJo. Oddly enough it was a robot nazi with a heart of gold.

Silver Chariot splits into shadow clones, and I’m suddenly wondering if I’m watching Naruto. Believe it! Just kidding; this anime is much better than Naruto.

Avdol gets all cut up and Polnareff brags that he’ll win with the next move. Avdol responds by revealing a secret about his special move crossfire hurricane. Polnareff moves to counter, but he’s surprised by an attack from below.This time Polnareff can’t dodge and is left burning. Avdol gives him a knife to end his pain, but he refuses, honouring Magician’s Red’s fire powers by burning to death.

Avdol turns the flames off, and JoJo removes the bud Avdol finds on his head forcing him to obey Dio. Much like Kakyoin, Polnareff joins JoJo’s party. he also reveals he’s searching for the man who killed his sister. He somehow has two right arms. he reveals how he met Dio, and how he was persuaded to join him with a vision of the man he is hunting.

A couple of women show up and are enamored with JoJo, who rejects their advances, but Polnareff steps in and tries to be a ladies man.

Then it is time to walk like and Egyptian. Through this anime I have learned:
Step 1: Stand Powers.
Step 2: ????????
Step 3: Profit.

Elk Challenge Successful

Watch JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Daimidaler (Episode Five)
Player: Knightshade
Class: DJ


What’s going on, nyan cats? I’m back again this week watching an anime I swear to god is trolling me. I mean, each episode is weirder and more perverted than the last. Well, let’s dive right into Kenzen Robo Daimidaler episode 5.

We start off with the penguin empire talking about why their plans failed before, and the lackeys give lack luster explanations. Until one of them makes the comment that Daimidaler was made with their technology, to which the Empire says no food until they do as much research on this as possible. We then cut to the hideout with Koichi trying to grope Kyoko while repairs are being completed on the robot. Later, at school, he is making his case why he missed so much school, he has been piloting a giant robot, and he intends to prove it. Well, finally he can show his teacher and possibly get his dignity bac- OR he’s going to rape his teacher glowing pink! My god! I can’t even!

So we’re back at the beauty shop to study for tests I gues- or he can snap at Kyoko and storm off to fight. All of the nope! We than cut to a new Penguin robot coming to the city, and the penguins are passing out the flyers to advertise and I guess eventually take over the world that way. To this, Daimidaler is launched, and Kyoko is thinking about what Koichi said earlier. Oh yeah, that’s right, I forgot to mention he said the only reason he joined is because of her. The Daimidaler gets to the surface, and the battle between Daimidaler and Penguin 8 ensues. Just when Daimidaler looks like it’s gonna win, Penguin 8 changes its form with the Hi-Ero particles. During the battle, penguin Sam gets hurt by the debris, and Ritz gets enraged, going all out on Daimidaler. She is destroying that robot; I mean, my god, Robot forever alone and dead. Well, Ritz is knocked out by one of the penguins, so she doesn’t die from the Hi-Ero particles, and the Penguin robot goes on a death march and destroys the Daimidaler and Koichi, leaving only Kyoko to live.

Well this episode was unexpectedly good. Daimidaler destroyed and Koichi “dead;” I think this was alright aside from the hentai aspect. I’m giving it 8 lolcats out of 10. Happy, happy, joy, joy! Later!

Knightshade Challenge Successful

Watch Daimidaler on Funimation or talk about this episode on our forums.

No Game No Life (Episode Five)
Player: Whiskahs
Class: Technomancer

No Game No Life


No Game No Life doesn’t particularly seem to be going anywhere story-wise. In episode five we’re treated to Steph spending the duration embarrassed, mostly by losing game after game to Sora and Shiro. Steph is convinced that the pair have done nothing for some time while she has been burdened with actually running the country, so she keeps challenging the pair and demanding that they become decent people. In the end, she doesn’t achieve her aim, but learns that they’ve been spending all their time researching the other races, which appeases her somewhat.

The embarrassing part of all her losses comes in the form of the things Sora and Shiro have her do. It begins with her being lead around town on a leash while wearing dog-like ears and a tail and ends with her wearing nothing but an apron and a few other minor scraps of clothing while chasing them about. As she loses more and more clothing, we find that Sora has an infatuation with animal-girls and decides that their first target for invasion will be the nation that consists of them. We also discover that all of the books outside of the palace were effectively lost in a challenge Steph’s grandfather made against a member of the angel-like race of the world.

At the end of the episode, having thoroughly embarrassed Steph, Sora decided to go to the library and challenge the current owner for its possession. Sora and Shiro are convinced that they must win it in order to begin their conquest of the other nations.

Aero Challenge Failure

Watch No Game, No Life on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Black Bullet (Episode Five)
Player: Midnight
Class: DJ

Black Bullet

Midnight No Show

Watch Black Bullet on Crunchyroll or talk about this episode on our forums.

Week 005 Tally

  1. Bobby Henshin: 510
  2. Kanashimi: 500
  3. Kayarath: 450
  4. Elk: 430
  5. Knightshade: 380
  6. Whiskahs: 370
  7. Midnight: 280
  8. The Editor: 10

Next week’s challenge: Know how we asked you to pull in your friends? Well, time to watch anime with your family… aren’t you excited?

Make sure to vote for your favorite review below! You can give your favorite an extra 20 points.

You Might Also Like...

  • Siege May 14, 2014 at 9:35 PM

    I don’t think anyone here gets my vote in the MemeQueen election.

  • […] Komi. You might remember it from last season of Simulblast (by the way, don’t forget to vote in this season!). The series was first published with a one-shot in Jump NEXT!, and was officially serialized in […]

  • You must be logged in to comment. Log in