Kayarath’s Adventures In Filling Out Applications

Posted on Apr 14 2011

The following is taken from Kayarath’s application for the position of “Web Producer” for 91.8 the Fan.  This is his response to the question “Almost done.  Prove you’re a human” where he had to input “4” to answer a question designed to impede spambots.

So, in order to complete my application to become part of the super cool staff at 91.8 The Fan, I must some how prove my humanity?  What a difficult task!  I see that they won’t let any otaku join their ranks.  How do I do such a thing?  What exactly does it mean to be human?

I like to believe that being human is more then simply being a collection of biological parts.  What if I had a robotic arm because my original arm was shot off by my back stabbing partner while I was chasing an assassin?  I would obviously still be human.  Now, what if I was in a horrible airplane accident that mangled my body and had to get my brain transplanted into a robotic form?  Would I still be a human then?  I would like to think so.

My next thought is that a human is a member of the species “homo sapiens” but that doesn’t feel right either.  I could argue that a person who was received strange powers due to a geological phenomenon was no longer human and therefore, strip them of their status as human beings.  Doing that is just wrong on so many levels.  Using just species as a definition also leads to a lot of loopholes.  A human’s genetic code could be manipulated to the point where they have the ability to rewrite the operating system of a giant robots in mere minutes yet still be human.  If a human was cursed with a micro black hole in their palm or with uncontrollable transformation triggered by contact with the opposite sex, they would still be humans.  They would be humans with curses.  Using species as the sole criteria does not truly reflect the essence of humanity.

There has to be a deeper meaning to being a human.  There has to be more to being a human being then being a human? There has to be something more.  A special thing that allows a human to win the battle, even if your opponent suddenly completely recovers by consuming the spiritual energy of the six other magical clones he split himself into.  Something that allows a young mechanic in training to overcome robots, mind control magic, and even Satan herself to win the heart of the women he loves!

Yet to think things like these would be exclusive to humans would not only be misguided, but even speicist as well!  Can’t the spawn of a spider demon have the natural human desire for freedom?  Couldn’t a robot built to guard a loli-vampire show kindness to animals, form friendships, and even fall in love?  I like to think so.

Does that mean the things that make us human are available to anyone?  Could the sentient result of a failed resurrection fulfill their overwhelming desire to truly become human?  Maybe becoming human is as simple as screaming, “I AM A HUMAN BEING!” while activating the second giant robot attached to the giant robot you’re already piloting?

If being human truly is a choice; is it possible to reject it?  Not being human could be an attractive option to some.  After all, the human race have created awful things like war, oppression, and the live action Dragonball Evolution movie.  If you lived forever, witnessing again and again the horrors of humanity, becoming disillusioned to the point where your only joy is pizza, wouldn’t you reject your humanity sooner or later?  Is not being human really that bad?  For humanity to become ready for the dialogues to come, it must learn to not only communicate with itself; but also with whatever non-human life is out there, or here already.

The thing is, with the unpredictability of life, it’s impossible to know anything for sure!  For all you know, I could be a sentient computer program on a quest to be recognized as a being worthy of full legal protection.  For all I know, I could be an alien sent to Earth in order to destroy it, but completely forgot about my objective due to a childhood head accident!

Based on all that I have wrote, I can only conclude that I cannot prove my humanity.  It is too indefinable to demonstrate using only words.  Still, I ask you, the people of 91.8 The Fan, to accept me for whatever I may be.  ACCEPT MEEEEEEEE!?

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  • Jubilee April 14, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    I accept you Kay! 😀

    Good first article dude-man! ^-^

  • EagleEyes April 14, 2011 at 2:24 PM

    Welcome to the team ^_____^

  • Leviathan Mist April 14, 2011 at 6:04 PM

    wait, what?

  • Kayarath April 14, 2011 at 8:49 PM

    I read over this article at least twice before posting it and yet I find a typo in two minutes while reading it on the site. D:

    Thanks Jubilee, EagleEyes, and Leviathan Mist!

  • Zero Gravity April 14, 2011 at 11:16 PM


  • Renku April 14, 2011 at 11:25 PM

    X’D That was wonderful!

  • toyNN April 15, 2011 at 9:53 PM

    Very good read and I had to try matching up those awesome references – (had to just guess on several)
    1. Cowboy Bebop – Jet
    2. Asura Cry’n – Aine
    3. S’cry-ed – Kazuma
    4. Gundam SEED – ?
    5. InuYasha – Miroku
    6. Fruits Basket
    7. Naruto
    8. ?Fate/stay night
    9. ?spider demon
    10.Negima! – Chachamaru
    11. Full Metal Alchemist – Alphonse
    12. Gurren Lagann
    13. CC
    14. Ghost in the Shell
    15. Goku

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