Remember back at Episode 1 when I was so fresh-faced and bright-eyed and thought Shiki would be really good? Remember how excited I was about this series? Well, the “slaughter” in the title is clearly referring to my optimism because after this, I am over Shiki and all its tricks. OVER.

There’s a lot of that lady with the red hair and bad teeth in this episode. I like to think of her as Red Hair Bad Teeth, but she has a name and it’s Ikumi. She also has all kinds of theories about the Risens and their antics. Look, Shiki, there’s only one Risen I care about right now and that’s Yuuki, so quit playing games with me and let’s see how he ended up.

The Doc is beginning to become a bit unhinged. He’s always been a little rough around the edges and sort of gritty but now he seems like a man possessed…but by obsession, not by demons. Even his man friends comment about how bad he looks, which I’m sure must be hard to hear especially when you’re dealing with the mass death of, literally, all your patients. OK, sure, his turmoil as a medicine man is all well and good and blah blah blah whatever – what’s happening with Yuuki?

We get a little of Ikumi’s backstory, too. She married a guy who was not real bright or especially awesome in any way, had a few kids and lost all of them (husband included) except her daughter. Also, she was formerly kind of hot, but time has been hard on Ikumi. She’s some kind of priestess or spiritual guide or something – very important in town, no doubt.

The other townspeople just don’t understand. Of course we know she’s right in all her theories, but they figure she’s just be crazy. Hey, I could stand to hear some crazy theories about Yuuki! Yuuki? Remember him?

Later DJ Funky Monk comes on the Doc digging up his latest patient casualty and ranting about how she’s going to come back to life, at which point he’s going to run all kinds of tests of her and figure out just what the heck is happening. He accuses his friend of being too scared to do anything about all the dying and Rising and killing, which is basically confirmed by how El Mono turns and runs off.

He meets up with his creepy underage girlfriend at their super secret hideout and tells her about his Cain and Abel/shiki book. He asks her: are you Abel? She’s annoyed to say the least and is about to bite him to death when he says he thinks of her as a shiki. That she likes a lot better. I’m sure all these ridiculous scenes are just providing imporant build-up to seeing Yuuki. Right??

Ikumi gathers up a crowd of townspeople to go “prove” or whatever that the Risens exist and are behind all the trouble. Even the Doc joins the mob, though without much enthusiasm. When they reach Kanemasa, the gates open and the owner greets them with his ugly hair and stupid coat. He even lets the Doc examine him: yep, totally human. (Yeah, right, Doc. I totally believe you.) Doc recognizes Cat Hair Dude from that night he got beat up in his own clinic, so he knows there’s some ill business (get it? GET IT??) going down but keeps his mouth shut.

I didn’t see Yuuki anywhere, but I’m sure he was hiding just off-camera. I mean, he has to be. I’m sure. Super sure.

After her complete humiliation at Kanemasa, Ikumi is understandly looking for some kind of come-back. But then! A knock at the door! A neighbor needs help! Risens are attacking! Ikumi rushes to her air. But it’s not a neighbor. It’s a Risen. Ikumi’s probably being lured to her death. Aw, shucks.

Seriously: WHERE IS YUUKI?! Oh, the episode is over. Great. Thanks a lot, Shiki. Thanks for nothing.

I know from next week’s preview that Yuuki shows up, not dead yet, not a Risen, just as moody as ever. But the Doc’s wife gets Risen’d and then he…tortures her…and kills her? Is it just me or does Episode 12 sound way more interesting that this pointless, unnecessary, stupid, waste of time, slaughter-free episode that introduced another stupid character that I don’t care about in order to take the focus off that OTHER stupid character that I don’t care about just when his stupid storyline started to get a teensy bit interesting?!

Shiki’s particular brand of story-telling (interrupt the important action with a meaningless 180-degree turn that reiterates things WE ALREADY KNEW using characters NO ONE CARES ABOUT) completely baffles me. This week’s question to ponder is: who do you think is really writing this thing? Why are they doing such a bad job? I mean it.

I think it’s robots. Shiny plot robots. They’re programmed to churn out crap as an experiment to see who’s sucker enough to keep tuning in. Joke’s on us, guys! Robots win every time!