Remember last week when the episode left off on semi-major cliffhanger? Remember grabbing your monitor with both hands as the ending credits played and yelling, “WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!” (You can admit it, I don’t judge.) Well, apparently Durarara!! is all about the slow reveal and it takes nearly a full episode to get to the resolution of that cliffhanger, which made me a little bit crazy.

Readers: you know I would never do that to you.

Short story short, it was indeed the Slasher sneaking up behind Sonohara and it was indeed a knife poised to end her life. The Slasher had inhabited Niekawa, the writer (why do writers always get abused?), and sent him to “look after” Sonohara (with a knife?). Luckily for our girl, Dotachin and his merry band noticed the dude’s red eyes (dead giveaway for demonic posession, hello!) and hit him with their van.

And then Selty hits him in the face with her motorcycle/horse.

And then Shizzy challenges him to an epic battle.

And the episode ends.

I had a big problem with the timeline in this episode. Sure, once I finished watching it I was able to put the pieces together: oh, OK, we’re six months ago and then we’re six months later but wait we’re still not at the present, and then we’re still not at the present but it looks familiar, and then we’re at the present finally. But as I was watching the episode real-time I was all, “Wait? What? Where am I in time? When did this happen? Can I get a freakin’ transition here? PLEASE?”

So, let’s start at the beginning of the timeline and set things up chronologically (except for the last bit, which I put first – oh no! It’s contagious!). At the very first, six months ago, Niekawa the writer went looking for the city’s strongest man for an article. He found Shizzy, but also got a beating for asking questions (bad Shizzy! play nice with writers!). It’s implied later that he asked about Shizzy’s brother, but we don’t get the see the conversation so who knows.

Also interesting: as Shizzy leaves the scene, his boss mentions they’re off to see “that sex offender teacher” – golly, I wonder who that could be…

Six months later, he’s still trying to write the article and he wanders around town trying to find information on the strongest man in the city – Shizzy, of course. He starts at Simon’s sushi house and then gets referred to some kind of gangster, who refers him to Izaya.

Izaya claims he can’t help because all the information he’s collected on Shizzy he wants for himself, the two of them being less than friendly, you will recall. But Izaya earns his keep as an informant by sharing all kinds of details about Niekawa’s private life – including that he has a daughter who had to switch schools.

Last episode, a student named Niekawa caused the sex offender teacher to break out into a sweat. Izaya seems to be saying that Niekawa’s daughter switched schools because of the beating her father got from Shizzy, but of course we know it was because of the teacher. (Rather, that’s what I assume given what-all has happened up till now.) So…is it possible that even Izaya doesn’t know about the business with the teacher? And why wouldn’t he? And just what the heck happened, anyway???

Izaya sends Niekawa to talk to Selty, who tells him Shizzy is awesome but scary and very strong. Almost like a demon. Or an alien. Um…okay?

Niekawa shares his own personal hypothesis that Shizzy’s strength comes from adrenaline, but I guess it could be aliens. (Jeez, I hope not!)

In the next scene, we get some new information that came out of left field for me: there’s apparently a “General” of the Yellow Scarves gang who has given strict instructions that all members of the Yellow Scarves have nothing to do with Izaya. Could it be Shizzy? Do we care?

Later Niekawa is attacked, presumably by the Slasher, outside his house. He doesn’t really get slashed, though – just stabbed. When he wakes up in the hospital later, he seems normal but he charges out to find Sonohara because he has a deep need to be near her…courtesy of the Slasher, who’s possessed him.

Also, the Slasher shows up in the chat again with a serious longing for Shizzy. Oooh – Slasher and Shizzy sitting in a tree, k-i-l-l-i-n-g!

We get a little bit of backstory about Sonohara, along with a creepy dream sequence that’s probably meant to be sweet and homey but, really, is just creepy. Turns out her parents were killed in some kind of horrible incident, which she survived. Poor kid.

We relive the scene where Sonohara, Kida and Mikado don’t walk anywhere together and see Niekawa/the Slasher following along in the stalkerish kind of way. Classy, dude.

So now we’re at the beginning! I mean, the end. Er…you know.

The episode ends with another sort of cliffhanger, but it’s one that doesn’t excite or interest me. Oh, Shizzy’s getting into a fight? How unique and unusual. Gee, I wonder what will happen. Yawn.

Then again…since the Slasher is super-duper in love with Shizzy, maybe Niekawa/the Slasher will thrown down his knife and try to make out instead. If that really happens, I will send the show’s writers a festive gift basket.

Next time: Mutual Love
I guess Sonohara is going to have a bigger part in this arc! OK. I’ll go along with that.