Kayarath’s Adventures In Sharks!

Posted on Apr 25 2013

Kayarath's Adventures In Sharks

We here at 91.8 The Fan are huge fans of the video game Skullgirls. We interviewed the gameplay developer Mike Z and many of the voice actors who worked in the game. When Skullgirls was knocked out of the running to get into the fighting game conference EVO, we were sorely disappointed. When their Indiegogo campaign raised over eight hundred thousand dollars, we were happy for the people of Lab Zero Games.

Lab Zero raised enough money to produce five more characters for the game. While two of them were already decided and a third is a remix of an existing character, the last two would be decided by vote. The contributors to the Indiegogo campaign would select the two characters who would be brought to life. We here at The Fan have our own favorite characters we want to see win. Today I would like to take the opportunity to promote the character I believe would be perfect addition to the Skullgirls line up; Stanley! I know there are thirty two other characters to pick from but they are all guppies compared to the Dagonian dreadnought that is Stanley!

First off, he’s a freakin’ shark! How can you say no to playing a shark? It’s the iconic terror of the seas who bit and tore his way into our worst nightmares! Do I need to rattle off some shark facts? These hunters of the deep can detect blood up to three miles away, can weigh over five thousand pounds, and have the most powerful jaws on the planet! With stats like that, no wonder the movie “Jaws” was made. Sharks strike fear into us to this very day! Can you name any other animal who got a whole week dedicated to them on the Discovery Channel?

You take some jawsome shark powers...

You take some jawsome shark powers…

Second off, he’s a scientist! Scientists make science and science is awesome! Smartphones, anime, and iWhatevers exist because of science! Our food and water is safe because of science! You’re reading this now because of science! With science, we can understand and reconstruct the universe! Whoever wields the power of science can redirect the course of history! Stanley wields that power.

Being a shark scientist is an unbeatable combination. They go together like moe and huggy pillows, peanut butter and jelly, like your ears and our radio stream! Imagine Albert Einstein with bone crushing teeth! Imagine a great white shark with the power to build nuclear bombs! That’s what you get when you get Stanley, and the feeding frenzy has just begun! If you look at the inspiration material being used to construct him, you’ll be crushed by a tidal wave of crazy and cool!

The first wave of the assault goes to the Street Sharks! Remember them? It was a nineties show about four totally radical brothers who got mutated into Sharkmen! They could burrow through the earth through sheer jawsomeness! They fought to save the city from a mad doctor trying to mutate everyone so he could rule over them. I actually watched the show a bit when I was a kid. I remember the occasional use of musical rock numbers to spice it up. I also never saw the ending. I got to the point where the Street Sharks got time pushed into a bad future where the bad guys won and then got shot back to the present to prevent it from happening. I can only assume that they won somehow. Despite my hazy memories of the show, I know that the sharkman concept works, and Stanley is a sharkman!

Then you add the power of SCIENCE!!!

Then you add the power of SCIENCE!!!

Have you ever played Marvel VS Capcom 3? I have! Do you know what the best super move in the game is? It’s Iron Man’s Proton Cannon! He summons a gigantic cannon and blasts the stuffing out of everything! Disintegrating your opponent with a giant laser cannon is always a satisfying experience. Gameplay wise it’s pure win too. Getting hit with it straight on is obviously sucksville, and even blocking it won’t completely save you! That thing chips like a potato, meaning it’s always good when you hit with it. You may be thinking that a move this powerful would be broken, but you’re dead wrong! The Proton Cannon has a strong tell and a long (for a fighting game) charge time. A suitably skilled opponent can quickly evade or interrupt the attack. In higher level play, the cannon would be mainly used to top off a combo or punish the unaware. The Proton Cannon has appeal for the newbie looking for fun things to do and the pro looking for the winning tools. It’s a win win for everyone, including it’s potential future wielder, Stanley.

Are you still not convinced? What’s it gonna take? Gordon Freeman himself smackin’ you a crowbar!?! Wish granted! Gordon Freeman’s the croutons of cool in the Super Saiyan salad that is Stanley! For the three of you out there who never heard of him, Gordon Freeman is the protagonist of the Half-Life series. Half-Life is the legendary First Person Shooter game/franchise known for adding an previously unheard of level of immersion and story telling to the First Person Shooter. The fact that his suit is a Swiss army knife of life saving features including taking a rocket hit straight on is the least cool thing about him. Freeman pretty much liberates the entire Earth from an alien army using only his degree in science and whatever weapon he can get his fists on to. Gordon Freeman is a larger then life figure both in the game and in the real world. He’s what we always wanted to be, a geek who saves the world. Since Gordon Freeman is part of the source material for Stanley, you could say that Stanley is Gordon Freeman’s son. Therefore, if you don’t support Stanley, it’s like your kicking the son of Gordon Freeman in the face. Would you want to kick the face of Gordon Freeman’s son?

To create the greatest character you can get via DLC

To create the greatest character you can get via DLC

The choice is obvious. If you backed the Skullgirls Indiegogo campaign, vote Stanley to be the next DLC character. He’s already made the top eight for the first round of voting so don’t stop now. He may have been stopped in the first round but the second one is about to start! Get back up and keep going because it’s not over until the announcer says so. How can you say no to a shark with a frickin’ laser?!?

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