Here we are guys…the final episode of Durarara!! that we’ll be spending together. We’ve had some ups and some downs, but like any merry band of friends I think we’ve come out of it better than ever. At least, that’s what Durarara!! wants us to believe.

Guess what – it’s a rumble at the warehouse! (My favorite participant in any fight scene is the guy that brings the length of chain and twirls it around, looking fierce. You go, chain-guy! WHOA SCARY!) But then…something goes terribly awry! The Yellow Scarves are fighting each other! What? What?? What’s the meaning of this? I say, I demand an explanation, sir!

It’s…the Gang Formerly Known As The Dollars That’s Now Re-Grouped And Is The Dollars Again! (That’s a mouthful; can we just settle on calling them The Dollars? Thanks.) Kadota masterminded the large scale invasion of Dollars into the Yellow Scarves, correctly assuming all it would take was a scrap of yellow something. Don’t worry, man – I fall for that one every time!

Predictably, Mikado does not react like, “oh man, I’m so sad that this gang that I founded and then dis-founded because they were getting too gang-like has sunk into such gang-ness and is being so violent and thank goodness I cut my ties with them.” Instead, because this is Durarara!!, he gets all, “YAY VIOLENCE! Let’s be bad guys…I mean good guys…whatever…I love my gang!”

Kida finally gets a punch in, but he doesn’t finish the job because he doesn’t think that Mikado and Sonohara should have to see a corpse. I guess this is a version of mercy? The three friends have a little talk in which Mikado says, IT’S ALL MY FAULT! and then Kida says, NO IT’S ALL MY FAULT! and Sonohara says, NO IT’S DEFINITELY MY FAULT!, and I say, YOU’RE ALL THREE RIGHT! Communication, kids. Learn how.

Then Kida passes out in Mikado’s arms (aww) after instructing them to take him to Saki’s hospital.

Horada gets away, though he’s pursued by Selty. A bit of a waste of time for our girl, because they encounter Shizzy who uses a large road sign to sheer off the top of the car (changes of pants are required all around). In escaping Shizzy, they run into the Bad Cop (remember him? My favorite character who didn’t get ANY screen time after his promising debut? TEAM BAD COP!) and they all get arrested. Justice served.

Later, at the hospital, Mikado notices that Sonohara is missing from Kida’s bedside. She’s used one of her Slasher-zombies to lead her to Izaya who totally knew that he was a Slasher-zombie and totally expected her to come along. Of. Course. Their conversation is mostly infuriating in how dumb it is, but Izaya does call her out on her supposed lack of emotion, hypothesizing instead that she uses that as a defense mechanism and a means of maintaining the status quo. I appreciated that, at least.

When Izaya gets home, he has a big black eye from running into Simon’s fist along the way. They have a weird conversation about Izaya’s cowardice and Saki disobeying him and how Izaya does what he does because he loves people (PUH-lease) but really he just has a little man complex regarding Shizzy.

Kida dreams about breaking up with Saki, but when he wakes up and she’s there he begs her not to break up with him. Instead she tells him about how she manipulated him and he tells her about how he couldn’t help her and then they embrace because they’re so in looooooove. Blech, yuck, gross.

And then we learn through Mikado’s voice-over that they drop out of school and run away together. UGH.

The voice-over goes on to say that everyday life is totally different…except for him – and them – and her – and that guy – and him – and those two…sooo, basically, not a whole lot has changed. Mikado and Sonohara are alone now, and she admits to being lonely, but they still do their little chats online. And then somebody new joins! Is it Kida? Could it be?? Yes. It could. It is.

As the episode ends, Mikado reflects that everything has changed, except that it seems like nothing has changed, because something strange happened to him, but it was something that happens to everyone. So it’s different, but not really. And strange, but not really. Mikado? Just be quiet.

I don’t think it will shock anyone to hear that my expectations for this finale were pretty low. But even I’m surprised at how not-good it was. Disappointment lurked for me around every turn, like a winged beast with bloody fangs and little horns and curved claws and skin like…oh, sorry. Describing my imaginary creature is so much more interesting than this episode.

My most enormous complaint is the “resolution” (if it can even be called that) of the rift in the friendship. First of all, there was so much build-up about what would happen and all we got was, “hey, whatever,” and then absolutely nothing. Not even a tearful scene in the hospital. And then Kida just LEAVES and then he shows up in a chat room?! (I mean, seriously. If my “best friend” disappeared off with some girl and couldn’t be bothered to at least TEXT me once in a while to say hey I’d be out looking for new friends.)

Second of all, they were on the brink of a freakin’ GANG WAR! And instead of resolving that and actually, I don’t know, stepping up and acting like leaders, they just had a mini-fight and the gang slunk away and got “quiet.” It was like a non-resolution. I’m sure there was no lingering tension in town at all and I’m sure that none of the displaced Yellow Scarves/Blue Squares went out and started his own wacko gang and I’m super duper sure that this series takes place in some kind of alternate universe where everything is puppies and rainbows and even when there are problems they aren’t really problems with actual consequences because HEAVEN FORBID any of these ridiculous characters should have to deal with anything that can’t be brushed off or solved with a group hug. It was such a relaxed ending to the storyline that it made everything else before it seem unimportant – basically, you know, the entire storyline.

Another brief complaint: severed head. Hello.

Look: Durarara!! was a watchable show. Was it great? Absolutely not. Was it good? Not really. Watchable.

Do I feel like I wasted a chunk of my life watching it? Not exactly. But would I watch it again? No, nor would I bother with any future seasons or spin-offs or reincarnations.

What did you think – about the finale or about the series as a whole? Did it make your Top 10 or did it make you want to pull your hair out? As always, I’m curious to hear about how it struck you.

Everyone, in all seriousness, it’s been a pleasure. Thanks for watching, thanks for reading, thanks for kickin’ it here at 91.8 The Fan.

What will the HoundBlog bring next? You’ll just have to wait and see!