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Old 11-20-2009, 01:49 PM   #1

Mark from Canada
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The Cabin

I wrote this a little over a year ago. I haven't re-read it, so I don't know if I should be ashamed of this or not, but I figured an empty subforum is an unhappy subforum, so here we go. inb4 tl;dr

The Cabin

She never liked camping. It was uncomfortable, unhygienic, she was usually covered in bug bites, and by the time she got back, she was too exhausted to enjoy being back properly, and by the time she was, the novelty of being back had worn off. No technology, no comforts of home, no good meals, no hot showers, and no four walls to protect her from the hundreds of blood suckers that seemed to own the campgrounds.

That's why she bought the cabin. It had basic amenities, such as running water for sink and shower, a fridge to store food and drinks, and most of all, four walls. Hopefully they'd be enough to protect her from the legions of little beasts just waiting to get a bite out of her. It was cheap too, all things considered. A modest but adequate log cabin, two floors, two bedrooms, one bathroom. A large open living room, and a kitchen with the basic appliances. It had a beautiful fireplace, and the location was perfect. Built on a fairly level field opening up from a beautiful forest, it sat right on a large clean lake. It was the location more than anything that made her buy it, even if it was quite a drive from the city.

She had invited her friends over for the long weekend, but they wouldn't be there until Friday. She wanted to drive out Thursday after work, get everything cleaned up and set up. She wanted everything ready for when her friends got there. As she turned onto the long driveway to the cabin, she couldn't help but think of how happy she was with the place, how much fun she'd have, and how it would be her sanctuary for years to come. It was nature how she wanted to experience it.

Finally arriving at the cabin, she carried in the boxes with the food, clothing, and other necessities. After the long drive she walked upstairs, and had a quick shower to get clean and wake her up. Then she went to work. It took nearly all day, and most of the evening, but finally everything was cleaned up and in it's proper place, and she was tired, and wanted to rest. She changed into her nightclothes, and drifted to sleep soon after hitting the bed.

She awoke to the sounds of nature, and of the sunlight shining through her bedroom window. Rejuvenated, she went downstairs to the kitchen and cooked up some breakfast. Afterward she brushed her teeth, and skipping the shower, decided to go out to the lake for a swim. The water was icy cool, but after her initial shriek, she got used to it fairly quick, and wasted at least an hour, swimming and enjoying the water. Amazingly, there seemed to be no bugs at all around the cabin and it's surrounding area. Her friends weren't supposed to arrive til late afternoon, so she decided on a midday nap in the sun.

It was the chill that woke her up. the only light was coming from the moon, and the stars. Living in the city, the view amazed her, but she still wondered what was going on. Something didn't feel right, so she quickly went back inside and warmed up by the fireplace. Her friends should have came by hours ago. It had to be at least midnight. She stayed awake until near dawn, but despite her extra long nap, she dozed off on the sofa.

When she woke up again, it was well into the afternoon. It was Saturday now, and it seemed her friends were still missing. There was no phone in the cabin, and her cell phone had no reception this far out of the city. Deciding to just drive back, and find out what was going on, she put on a change of clothes, and went outside, only to find her car missing.

No car. It had vanished. At first, she thought it had to be a practical joke, her friends must have arrived in the morning, and they must have split up, and drove back out. she wanted it to be true, but she knew her friends weren't like that. and if they were, they would have been back by now. There was also the matter of the keys, uncomfortably in her pocket, which assured that it hadn't been driven away by her friends, but then where did it go? She wouldn't walk home. She couldn't even walk to her neighbors. It was an hour just to get out of her driveway by foot. And surely it would be hours more, perhaps even days to get to the next house, allowing for breaks. She couldn't carry that much food and water, not by herself. Eyes vacant, she calmly walked back into the cabin. Sat down onto the sofa in the living room, and stared at the wall. Minutes passed, and then it clicked. She cried.

She let out all her tears. This was supposed to be her nature. Her sanctuary. This was supposed to be fun with friends, and instead, she was stranded. No phone, no car, her friends were supposed to be there yesterday. But they weren't, and they aren't now. she wandered around the cabin, aimlessly, eating when she was hungry, occasionally stopping to cry. Night came, and she slept, albeit uncomfortably, filled with fear and doubt. She was not rested in the morning. Her dreams were haunted by unknown horrors. Something lurking just outside her vision, her reach. She could feel it starring at her. But the feeling didn't go away when she woke. She knew her nightmare had gotten to her, and it was all in her mind, but she still felt it, and it made her nervous, and feeling sick.

She had to get out. Quickly, she packed a bag, only food and water. Heavy, but enough for her to carry. She'd need as much food as she could bring. She didn't know if she'd find anyone else, but she had to try. She knew it was about an hour to the road, but when she set out, it was still early morning, and now, it felt like afternoon, and she still didn't think she was getting anywhere. She felt a bit woozy, and her vision was getting a little blurry, so she stopped, to have a drink and calm herself. The feeling from her dreams still hadn't left her. Stabilized, she continued on, though the sky was starting to show signs of early evening now.

Then reality hit her like a ton of bricks. The trees covering each side of the road opened up, revealing her cottage, just the way ♫♫♫♫ left it in the morning. The fear in her chest grew, and her willpower left her like a punch in the gut. For five seconds, she couldn't breathe. Regaining herself she walked defeated, back to the cabin. She spent the rest of the day lost in herself, consumed by fear and worry. Her friends still hadn't came, and she was beginning to think they weren't going to. It was already Sunday evening. After crying again, she looked out the window, over the lake. Her eyes moved from it to the forest bordering her camps boundaries, and her eyes met another pair of eyes. For that moment, it felt like an eternity, and the fear of what she saw rushed through her body. Her mind stopped, her breathe caught, her body swayed, her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she hit the floor.

He loved fishing. But with work, he never really got the time. Maybe once a year, he and some of his buddies would get a chance to camp out and fish for a couple of days. But with his promotion, he was working less, making more, and with the huge bonus he got, he was able to buy a beautiful cabin, right on a lake. It was secluded, and although it was a little further out of the city than he'd like, the location, the cabin, and the price, he couldn't say no. As he was coming down the long driveway to the cabin, he couldn't help but think how lucky he was.

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Old 11-22-2009, 04:55 PM   #2
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Re: The Cabin

Well enough conceived. But: way, way, way too many "she"s in it. That really makes things hard to read.

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Old 01-04-2010, 03:44 PM   #3
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Thumbs up Re: The Cabin

That was a good story, I quite enjoyed it. Good atmosphere and suitably dark.
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Old 01-04-2010, 04:50 PM   #4
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Re: The Cabin

I'd agree, a lot of 'she' in there. I get that the character is anonymous and doesn't have a name, but you could replaced those with things like 'the girl' and stuff.

Other than that, good job.

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