Bittersweet Violin - 91.8 The Fan

homie_jiraiya · 02-16-2012, 11:03 PM

too many repeated words, the more descriptive termsneed to be first then the nondescript( ie glass should be something like chalice or grail or goblet)
second order of the dragon was led by dracula
third the name would be dracul not dragos
it was the turks nopt the church that were against dracula
the man van helsing was not born
until the early 1900s
http://www.draculas.info/vlad_iii_dracula/

i suppose as a n early attempt it would be ok but you seriously need to find a good editor ar thesaurus

02-16-2012, 11:03 PM	#1
homie_jiraiya Fan Join Date: May 2010 Location: space oklahoma Posts: 132 Rep Power: 0	Re: Bittersweet Violin too many repeated words, the more descriptive termsneed to be first then the nondescript( ie glass should be something like chalice or grail or goblet) second order of the dragon was led by dracula third the name would be dracul not dragos it was the turks nopt the church that were against dracula the man van helsing was not born until the early 1900s http://www.draculas.info/vlad_iii_dracula/ i suppose as a n early attempt it would be ok but you seriously need to find a good editor ar thesaurus ______________________ eternaly nerdy homie_jiraiya