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Old 06-24-2011, 08:48 PM   #1
sasukeuzi's Avatar
Join Date: May 2010
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sasukeuzi is meh
Blitzkreig Chess(working name)

A one shot of a sort I made >_> I'm skeptical about how it's going to go. I seemed to have found a good artist so that's swell, it'd be nice to get some help on this.
So yeah it'd be great if you read past the intro
Writer: Sasukeuzi
Artist: Hanaji
Art Assistant: Moondrop
Editor(not professional): Takanota

Blitzkreig Chess. The one competition that holds rule over every law within the universe. Planets of every kind are required to compete in the BC Tournament. Planets that compete must compose a team in order to enter the tournament. The one team that overcomes every enemy within the tournament and reaches the top become the Chess Grand Masters. The team is allowed one royal decree. This one decree must never be denied and must be followed through unless it is changed by the next Chess Grand Masters. This goal is what every planet strives for.

The story in particular focuses on planet Earth. Throughout the millions of years humans have lived on this planet, human beings can be seen as a curse. Humans have been evolving to a point where their very existence have been harmful to the planet they occupy. The Earth is on the very verge of destruction thanks to these humans.
The deterioration of Earth has been identified by the humans during their later years and through their studies. Efforts have been made trying to prevent their planet's destruction. Planting trees, preventing the loss of the ozone layer, and etc. Efforts were too late to be made.
The Earth is now on its final leg, conditions of the planet have calmed and everything seemed to return to normal. Although things seemed peaceful studies have been said that this peaceful state was a stage right before Earth's imminent destruction. To keep the public at peace the world leaders have said that peace has returned and all their efforts were worth the cause.
Although the public was at peace, the world leaders and others knew that Earth was doomed and there was no way to reverse the effects of what they,as a species, have done.
Making one last effort, the world leaders of planet Earth took the advantage of the Blitzkreig Chess Tournament. Aiming for the prize of the royal decree, the world leaders of Earth plan to transfer the human population to occupy a new planet.
The plan was set into motion, doing what they could and would resort to any treachery available to them, all to save their race or compensate for the sins of man.

One Shot Chapter:
Within a large room, an atrium of some sort, the view is set on a man knocking out another. Around him are unconscious bodies of other men, all beaten and bruised. In the room along with the one man, 9 other people are seen standing and awake.
MC(main character.name undetermined) yells out with an air of confidence: Okay we completed your test! What comes next?
After a moment of silence a female's voice is heard through the speakers within the room.
SPEAKER: Congratulations to those of you who have managed to pass the trial. For those of you still standing please make your way to the ten doors on the right side of the room. There you shall decide which door you shall enter. As there are ten doors please notice that only one of each contestants may enter one door. Through there please wait for an attendant to greet you.
The announcement was finished and the remaining contestants made their way to the doors.
MC makes his way to the door on the far right. Without hesitating he pulls the door open and enters. He makes his way through and enters a pure white hallway....

[Scene shifts over to a monitoring room filled with a group of women]
Secretary: President Kawaguchi, the remaining ten have entered the designated hallways.

Secretary 2: But President, are you sure this is enough? It seems like the remaining number we would have for the team would seem very little. Shouldn't we have as much support as we would need for this tournament? The world leaders have been pressing on the matter that we should have at least an army for this year.

Nami Kawa: It doesn't matter how much trash we gather up. Trash is all that it is. I've already told those leaders that this situation is now under my control. Their influence means nothing now. I want to get off this planet as much as they do, since this planet is past saving...
Nami looks at the monitors.
Nami: The trials still haven't ended. I want the rest of you to enter the designated hallways. Test the remaining few however way you can.

Secretaries: Understood.
The secretaries all leave,going to their assigned locations.
Nami looks down at a photo on her desk. There she sees a shot of herself and her husband and son. She stands up and walks towards the back of the room with a serious look in her face.
She enters a code on a security pad on the wall. The wall opens revealing a room. There the view sets on a girl(dark blue hair along with blue eyes as deep as the ocean,her face shows no emotion), being attended by her two butlers. Both are seen wearing glasses, wearing garments of light brown with gold trimmings, clad in a butlers uniform. The butlers are both male and female(twins).
Nami looks at Tsukuyo.
Nami: It's time. Let's go.
The girl is helped up out of her seat and is led outside the room. They cross the monitors in the monitor room and Tsukuyo sets her eyes on the monitor which holds the image of the main character(MC).

[Scene shifts back to MC]
MC: Tch, how long are they going to make me wait?
After speaking, the door at the end of the hallways opens.
Coming through the door is one of the secretaries seen earlier with Nami Kawaguchi.
Secretary: Greetings. Congratulations on making it this far.
MC: Never thought I'd get out of that last trial. So, are you here to take me away?
Secretary: Hmm...Yes. Although you still hold one last final trial.
The secretary says this while writing on her notepad.
MC: Well let's hurry this up shall- WHOA.
MC suddenly moves his head to the side.
The secretary smiles slightly.

Secretary: Now if you will follow me.
MC has a slight surprised look on his face. He makes his way towards the end of the hallway and looks back. On the wall is the pen that the secretary was writing with earlier. It was stuck deep within the door that MC had walked through. If he had not dodged that would have been a fatal blow.

MC and the secretary make out of the hallway.
MC: So tell me are you joining this years Chess Tourney?
Secretary: Me? Oh Heavens no. I'm just a humble secretary.
MC(Thought bubble): So she says =_=...
MC: So I take that I'm the only one that passed?
MC notices another pair walking beside them. Another secretary and one of the 10 men that MC saw before.
The secretary looked the same as his, the other contestant beside him was of African American descent.
MC(thought bubble): Hey he must be pretty impressive to have dodge the pen. The other contestant turns towards MC and MC finds that the pen thrown at the other contestant was still lodged within his forehead.
MC:?!?!? WTF ?!?!?!?
The group reach an elevator of some sort.
Secretary: Now if you please, enter through this door. In here this contraption shall transport you to your final destination. You have both passed your trials and you will both be briefed in on the Blitzkreig Chess Tourney.
MC nods his head and both contestants step forward into the transporter. The transporter takes off leading them to the rest of the team.

Both contestants stand within the speeding transporter.
BG(Black guy other contestant. sorry if it sounds rascist, names are still undetermined for some):So what're you in for?
MC:? You make it sound like I'm in jail
MC says this with a smile
BG: You tryin' to imply somethin'?! Ha ha, but c'mon tell me. We got some time to kill.
MC: Yeah I suppose so...
MC looks outside the transporter.
MC: It's a beautiful place isn't it?
BG: What is?
MC: This planet. People gripe about how the plants are being replaced by buildings and whatnot but I don't think the natural part of Earth is what makes it beautiful. The fact that living things can just live here is what seems unique to me.

BG: I suppose you're right I guess. At least we're past the time of danger. Remember when people thought that world was on its way to doom? Plenty people did what they could and look where we are now. All peaceful, nothing more than you really want now.

MC: At least that's what it looks like.
BG: ?
MC: I've been getting feelings lately. All isn't what it seems. I know this planet is going somewhere, but not the way we think it's going. I'm just here so I can do something about it.
BG: You're a strange guy. You should try to take it easy!
MC: Just want to save the planet my dad used to love.
MC says this with a look of nostalgia on his face.
BG: Well since you're reason is all said and done let's move on to me. The reason I'm here is-.
MC: Oh look. We're here.
MC walks out of the transporter leaving BG with a look of startle and regret.
BG: ALREADY?! I didn't get a turn to talk TT_TT
MC and BG walk down a large corridor, walking further they see another secretary.
Secretary: This way if you will.
The secretary motions them towards a room.
Entering, they see a briefing room of some sort. There they see Tsukuyo and her two attendees. MC and BG both take a look at their teammates. MC and Tsukuyo take a glance towards each other.
A old man enters the room next, wearing a lab coat and glasses. His age appears that of in his 70s. With gray and thinning hair on the top. He enters with a grin.
Professor(Pro for short): Well, well. It seems like we have quite a team this year.
BG: Wait, are you saying this is it? All we have on our team is a little girl, 2 butlers, and 2 grown men?!
Pro: Hmm? Well now that you mention it we should have more on the way?
BG: Really? Thank goodness.
Pro: Yes all we have left is for the housewife to make her way here.
BG: WHAT?!?!
Pro: Settle down. We have enough people as it is. Since you two have made it past the trials, it should be time for you to know what you're getting into. Sit down if you please.
MC and BG sit down in chairs.
Pro: To begin, Blitzkreig Chess is a method to avoid trivial matters such as war. Violence across alien species is strictly forbidden, the Blitzkreig Chess tournament is a way to get past this. Planets from around the universe will participate in the tourney, all striving for the goal of Chess Grand Master and the Royal Decree. The Royal Decree, simply put it is a free pass to anything. The winning team can use this Royal Decree however they will. Annihilating an entire species, requesting the conquer of another planet, anything. This decree must be followed and can never be denied and is put into play forever unless the next Royal Decree cancels out the previous one.
MC: What's Earth's purpose for entering the tournament?
Pro looks at MC with a questioning look in his eyes.
Pro: Hmmm... As most of you know, this planet has seemed seemingly peaceful yes? Although things seem peaceful on the outside, this planet we live on is ready to perish within the coming year.
BG jumps out his chair, with a startled look on his face.
BG: What?! Are you serious? Then everyone on this planet will...
Pro: Yes. It's exactly what you are presuming.
BG: Oh my god...I guess you were right...
BG says this looking at MC
Pro notices this and is perplexed. Pro asks MC
Pro: You...Were already aware of this?
MC looks away from Pro's gaze
MC: Yeah
Pro(Thought bubble): Interesting...
BG: So what you're tryin' to do is use the Royal Decree and restore this planet?
Pro says with a false face.
Pro: Why yes.
MC(thought bubble): He's lying...
Pro: Well now you know what you're fighting for. Let us move onto the rules of the tourney.
<Scene shifts to Nami Kawaguchi, walking down a hallway on her way to the briefing room. She thinks back to the past>
Nami finds her husband making off with MC(as a child age 8).
Nami: Where the hell do you think you're going?
Husband: I'm through with this. I've had enough with what we're doing.
Nami: We're trying to save this world! Why would you ruin the plan?!
Husband: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY! You're trying to save this planet even when you know it's beyond saving!
Nami: You don't know that. There's still a chance if we follow through with the plan.
Husband: You're talking about putting your own child in that god-forsaken tournament.
Nami: Sacrifices are needed...I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
Husband: You sacrifice whatever you have, this child's life isn't yours.
Nami: If you take him now then this planet and everyone on it is dead!
Husband: I'll take my chances.
Husband leaves with MC in his arms. MC looks back with curious eyes towards Tsukuyo.
Tsukuyo is standing a distance behind Nami, and looks back at MC straight in the eyes...
<Scene shifts back to MC>
BG: Hey you listening?!
BG snaps MC back into the present
MC: Huh? Yeah I'm listening. What's up?
BG: What do you mean what's up? We're having introductions. I told you guys my name so what's yours?
MC: My name is Sen. Sen Kawaguchi.
Secretary: Kawaguchi?
The secretary pulls uses her communicator to contact a secretary
Secretary 1: Could you please bring the President here? Tell her she'll want to see this.
MC: Well since I introduced myself how bout the rest of you?
The 2 butlers get of their seats and introduce themselves.
B2(Butlers): Greetings, we are Tigr and Uphray. This here is our Madam. Madam Tsukuyo Kawaguchi.
BG: Hey Kawaguchi just like you Sen.
MC is surprised at the appearance of another Kawaguchi in the room.
MC: Who are you?
Nami: My daughter.
Everyone's attention turns to Nami Kawaguchi.
Nami: What is it you called me for?
Secretary: President, do you recognize this boy.
Secretary directs Nami towards Sen.
Nami and Sen take a hard look at each other.
Nami has a look of pain and relief
Nami: Sen do you know who I am?
Sen: Yeah. You're my Mom.
BG(thought bubble): You say that so nonchalantly =_=...
[Scene shifts forward to MC and BG following Professor along a ship]
BG: Pretty big ship you got there. I take it this is what's going to get us to our destination.
Pro: You are correct. But before we take off there a few matters we must take care of.
Pro directs them both into a room. He closes the door and appears through a window. He speaks through a speaker into the room.
Pro: As you might know, throughout the universe there are many diseases and viruses. Some which are known and unknown. We have been studying greatly to produce a vaccine to fight off most of the illnesses you will find in the tournament. Afterwards we shall test your fitness and performance.
BG: Hmm... Seems pretty useful. So what're you going to do now? Give us a shot?
Pro: Well you are not entirely wrong.
Pro presses a button.
About a hundred Needles come out of the wall along with medical tools.
Pro: I hope you will do what is necessary. It'll go smoother if you just stay still.
MC and BG are scared for their lives.
[Scene shifts forward onto the team boarding the ship.]
A worker spots MC coming aboard and is surprised at the results of the shots.
Worker: Whoa. Looks like you've seen Hell. But since you'll be participating I bet you've been through worse.
MC looks at the worker with a dead expression.
MC: Never....In my life...
MC walks off into the ship.
MC walks on board.
Flight attendant: You're room is right here sir.
MC: Thanks
Flight Attendant: Glad to be of assistance ^_^
MC enters his room and looks around. There he sees a desk and sees his belongings next to it. He sees a room leading to the bathroom. He's too worn out to take a shower and immediately heads to bed. He falls dead flat onto it and buries his head in the pillow.
MC(thought bubble): So much for saving the world.
Nami: Are you okay?
MC looks up from his pillow.
MC: Yeah...
Nami: I haven't seen you in a long time. You've grown. How's your father.
MC has a look of pain. And looks away.
MC: He...Passed away. Just a few months ago...
Nami looks like she'll tear up but holds it back.
Nami: I see...He was a good man.
MC: I know...
MC looks at his mother.
MC: Who is Tsukuyo? Is she really your daughter?
Nami: Yes... Yes she is. I adopted her later when you and your father moved out.
MC: She looks a bit like you, but I know she isn't related to you...
Nami: Just a coincidence. Used to remind me of myself back then.
MC: And you're having her compete in the Chess Tournament?
Nami: She was suited for this.
MC: ...
Nami: Here.
Nami throws MC a thick book.
MC: ? What's this?
Nami: It's a manual. It'll show you how to operate the weapon you'll be using in tomorrows battle. Read all of it before we get to the planet.
Nami turns and walks out the room.
MC looks at his manual. Throws it in the trash can from his bed.
MC turns on his side
MC: What no sweet dreams?
MC goes to sleep and when he awakens he finds the ship approaching the planet of Blitzkreig.
MC awakens and gets out of bed. He looks out the window and sees a gigantic planet and other ships of various kinds heading towards it. He is entranced by the view of various life forms making their way to the artificial planet.
MC walks out his room and heads down the hallway. He enters a room on his left and there he sees his teammates.
MC: I take it we've reached our destination?
Tigre: Yes. We will be landing shortly. As soon as we land, the battle begins.
MC(thought bubble): Guess I should go get ready.
MC goes back to his room and finds a pair of black clothes on his bed.
MC: I take it this is what I'm supposed to wear? (Thought bubble): Is this supposed to enforce team spirit?
MC makes his way to the hangar and finds the team prepped and ready to go, but Nami is found yelling through her communicator.
Nami: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE"S ON ANOTHER-?! What about that Mercenary?! What?! Those world leaders will have my *** about this!
MC: What's wrong?
Nami: You're stupid friend boarded the wrong ship. He won't make it in time for the battle. And that Merc. we hired is behind schedule. All we have left is you and the other 3.
MC: All we have to do is take out the other team right? No worries, I'll get the job done.
Nami doesn't hear MC and storms off.
MC: =_= Ah well. So how is this gonna go?
He talks to the other three teammates.
Uphrey: I'm guessing that you will be spearheading the attack. The rest of us will stay in our designated positions and protect Tsukuyo-sama.
MC: She can't fend for herself? How bout we just all go?
Tigre: You didn't listen to the rule briefing I take it?
MC: Well.....
Tigre: I expected as much. The objective in Blitzkreig Chess is to capture the opponents King or Queen. If a piece(a player) incapacitates the opponent's king or queen the respective team shall win. We must do this while we protect our own Queen from being downed. If a King or Queen surrenders however they forfeit the match.
MC: Ok I get it. So all I have to do is find the enemy's King or Queen and take 'em down?
Tigre: Correct.
MC: Sounds easy enough.
SPEAKERS: Attention Chess Participants. We are landing within the minute. Prepare for battle.
MC: Right! Let's do this.
The doors to the hangar open and MC heads out.

MC heads out of the ship hangar on to the battle field. Running out into what looked like a forest but of very different forms than on Earth.
Tigre and Uphrey set up the throne where Tsukuyo shall sit upon and transmit info.
After minutes of running, MC thinks: You know I talked pretty big back there but...I don't where I'm going =_=...
MC comes to a halt and takes a look at his surrounding.
MC: Looks different than Earth. At least we're capable of breathing at least...Hm? What was that?
MC looks to his right. He gets a strange feeling in that direction. He can sense presences of some sort that way.
MC: Well I got no where else to go.
MC takes off in that direction.
[Scene Shifts to Nami and Co.]
Secretary: President, it seems Sen has found his way towards the enemy. Are you sure you should let him go alone?
Nami: We have no choice. There's no way to get around this, we have no way of finding the enemy King. We'll just have to pray he'll take a few of them down with him.
The secretaries are solemn and surprised at the words that came out of their president's mouth.
Nami stands and watches the monitor with Sen, biting her thumb nail.
[Scene shifts back to Sen/MC]
MC: I'm getting close. I can feel it.
Suddenly in MC's mind he's told to stop. It wasn't a voice but a signal of some sort. It jolted MC to a stop.
MC: WHOA! The hell? Crap they're getting closer. What was that? Hide?
The voice in MC's head directed him, though it wasn't a voice at all.
MC gets up in one of the trees and hides.
4 Alien life-forms approach. All 4 seemed similar to bird. They had the body structure of both man and bird. Covered in gray feathers, but instead of beaks they had muzzles and sharp teeth. Feathers and wings growing out of their arms, hencing flight.
They flew into the clearing. Speaking a language that MC couldn't understand.
MC: Whoa O_O... What are they?

Secretary speaks through MC's communicator: The alien species Poli. They came from the planet Cunaer. They resemble birds from our species. They have the hollow bone structures similar to birds but the density is 30 times those of regular birds. They have tremendous strength, more so than a human. They are faster in the air than they are on the ground. As you can see they prefer flight.

MC: Nice lecture. Is there anything else I should know?
Secretary: Examine the bodies of your opponents. Do you see bracelets?
MC: Yeah. The same as the one I'm wearing?
[Scene Shifts Back Right Before MC took off from the hangar]
Professor approaches the team with bracelets and hands them out.
MC: What're these? Are we trying to make a fashion statement?
Pro: Heheh, I see you haven't been listening to my lecture earlier.
MC: So I've been told >_>
Pro: Those bracelets are necessary for the tournament. Enemies will be trying to get your bracelet as you try to get theirs. They hold a special purpose that you will later find out.
[Scene Shifts Back to the Present]
MC: So all I have to do is take their bracelets right? Seems simple.
Secretary: To take the enemy bracelet, you must defeat the respective holder of that bracelet.
MC:... Fine. I'll use the element of surprise and make this quick.
[Scene Shifts to Nami Kawa]
Nami: You give him the weapon before he left?
Secretary: Yes ma'am.
Pro: Well well, let's see how well he performs in battle with it.
Everyone waits in anticipation.
[Scene shifts back to MC]
MC jumps out of the tree and flies above his opponents.
MC comes across one of the opponents striking one of them on the head with a branch.
MC: How was that!?
[Scene shifts to Nami and co]
Nami: I thought you gave him the weapon!!!
Secretary: I did!
Pro: Hohohoho!!!HAHAHA!!!!
Nami: SHUT UP OLD MAN!!! Now we're screwed. Damn it Sen!
[Scene shifts back to Sen/MC]
MC: How was that!
The enemy Sen struck was on the ground. But easily got back up.
Enemy 1: (Alien Speak):<What was that? Is that one of the native species in this environment?>
Enemy 2: <I don't know. Looks stupid enough to be.>
Enemy 3: <That thing?! Looks harmless.>
Enemy 1: <He has a bracelet, sooo I guess we should get to it.>
The enemy team was speaking in a language MC couldn't understand.
MC: Bet that got em good. Better go in for the finishing blo-UGH!!!
One of the Avian Enemies flew at a fast speed and grabbed hold of MC's neck.
MC: GUHHH!!! Let go!
Enemy 2: <What is it saying?>
Enemy 4: <It doesn't matter. Go on ahead and spread out. I'll take care of this one. Their King/Queen is bound to be here somewhere.>
The 3 spread out and move on ahead.
Enemy 1: <It's too bad human. You struck me on the hardest part of my species body. The head. Struck me elsewhere and you could've gotten somewhere.>
MC: *****.
Enemy 1: <Hmmm?>
MC bites the enemies hand.
Enemy 1: <AUGH!!! YOU-!!!>
MC head butts the enemy in the head.
MC: GAAAH!!! Damn! You'd think that's the hardest part of their species body!
Nami speaks through the communicator: You idiot! Hide NOW!!!
MC: Got it got it. Tch.
MC heads into the forest and hides while the enemy was on the ground in pain from the unusually hard head butt.
Nami: What the hell did you think you were doing?! What happened to the weapon we gave you?!
MC: Oh that thing? Well I didn't get time to practice with it so I didn't think of using it anytime soon so....
Nami: What happened to that manual I gave you?!
MC: Manual?...
[Manual in trash can]
Nami: Damn! What're we going to do?
Pro: Hand the comm. link to me. I'll explain the weapons capabilities as fast as I can.
Pro: Sen can you hear me?
MC: Loud and Clear.
Pro: Pull out your weapons. Now listen to my every word. I'm going to explain this as fast I can.
[Minutes later]
MC: Whoa! How am I supposed to use it?
Pro: The way I just told you! Just don't go using it on full blast. Put it on a setting that'll let you get a good handle on it.
MC: Ok got it.
Enemy 1: <There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you!>
MC dodges the swipe from the enemy and backs away.
Enemy notices the Blades in MC's hands.
MC: I see you've noticed my new toy. I'll be using these to kick your sorry ***.
Enemy takes to the skies and air dives towards MC.
MC braces himself going head to head with the enemy.
Through the forest you hear a SQUUAAAAAWK!!!!
The rest of the enemy team communicate through their comm. link.
Enemy 2: <You hear that?>
Enemy 3: <Did that guy find the enemy King/Queen already?>
Enemy 4: <I don't know. He's not responding. Everyone rendezvous to his position.>
The enemy team arrive at the destination and find their first teammate down on the ground, with blade wounds, lying on the ground in a puddle of blue blood.
Enemy 3: <What happened?>
Enemy 4: <I don't know...When we arrived we found him like this. And that human he had back then isn't here either.>
Enemy 2: <That must mean->
MC takes Enemy 2's back and slashes through the waist.
Enemy 3: <YOU *******!!!>
Enemy 3 dives for MC.
MC jumps and goes above the attacking enemy with the enemy's back open to MC. MC takes one of his blades and drives it into the back.
MC: That's 3. Now it's your turn...Hey where'd he go?
Enemy 4 takes MC's back and slashes.
MC throws himself forward getting away from his opponent.
MC: Guess you're better than the rest.
Enemy 4: <You *******! I'll kill you for what you did!>
MC: I can guess what you're saying. But talk is cheap.
MC rushes forward as his opponent rushes through the hair.
They clash.
The enemy drove his claws into MC's waist, as MC drives one of his blades deep into the enemy's head cutting the body in half using the propellers on the blade.
MC falls towards the ground.
MC: Phew! That's 4.
Secretary: Congratulations. You far exceeded our expectations. Now if you will please take the remaining bracelets.
MC: Roger.
MC gathers the bracelets from the bodies.
Secretary: Now hold the bracelets to your own.
MC follows the directions and the bracelets start melding.
MC: Wow. Pretty cool. So what's the purpose.

Secretary: The bracelets contain data on where the enemy King/Queen is. This data will be transmitted to our Queen Tsukuyo. She will relay the general location to you. If you defeat all the enemy's pieces and take their bracelets then the precise location of the enemy's King/Queen shall be relayed to Tsukuyo and will in turn be transmitted to you.

MC listens and gets the feeling in his head. He finds that the feeling earlier was Tsukuyo, and she now guides him to the enemy King.
MC makes it into another clearing and finds the enemy King.
MC: I take it you're the King?
MC: Sorry...
MC takes the blade in his hand and prepares to stab the enemy king.
Like earlier Tsukuyo stopped MC's movements, the tip of the blade was half an inch away from the enemy King's neck.
When the Enemy King announced his surrender a siren went out, and presented Team Earth the victory.
MC withdraws and heads back, leaving the enemy king unscathed.
MC: Well I guess that's that. Time to head back.
MC makes it back to his team's location.
MC is greeted by his team.
Tigre: Impressive performance.
Uprhey: Impressive indeed.
MC: Thanks, though you guys didn't do much.
Tigre: Our sole purpose in this game is to protect our Madam Tsukuyo.
Uphrey: Quite.
MC approaches Tsukuyo
MC: Hey thanks for the help earlier. Was a pleasure working with you...Well? You gonna talk?
Tigre: Sen-san it is not that Madam Tsukuyo doesn't choose to talk but
Uphrey: She cannot.
MC: Huh? Why?
Tigre: When she was adopted by Nami-dono she didn't have the ability to speak. She speaks only through the Empathy Link all the pieces on our team share.
MC looks at Tsukuyo with a sad face.
Tsukyuo just looks forward with an emotionless face.
[Scene shifts forward]
Nami: Good job out there Sen. I knew you'd pull through.
Secretaries(Thought Bubble): But she said we were screwed =_=...
MC: Thanks Mom. I guess we're one step closer into saving the world?
Mom:...Yes...You're right.
MC: Hey by the way. Where can I find Tsukuyo? I wanted to give her something.
Nami: Tsukuyo? She should be in the infirmary. They're tending to her wound.
MC: Wound? What do you mean?! She wasn't even in battle today.
MC Runs off to the Infirmary
Secretary: Your son is a very caring boy.
Nami: Yes...Just like his father.
Nami closes her eyes.
MC rushes into the infirmary.
MC: Tsu you okay?!
Doctor: Do you mean Tsukuyo? Yes she'll be recovering soon. She received a severe wound to the waist.
MC: But how? If anything I should be treated from MY wound to the wais-.
Wait a minute.
MC checks his waist. There was no sign of the wound he received earlier.
MC: What is this?! I know I was struck.
Dr: It seems Mistress Tsukuyo took the blow for you.
Tsukuyo sits looking down
Dr: She must have used the Empathy Link. It is one of the Empathy Links many uses. A King/Queen can receive a blow struck upon His/Her piece instead.
MC: But why?
MC walks over to Tsukuyo.
Dr: I wouldn't know. If you'll excuse me I need to get more medical supplies from the hangar.
The Doctor exits the room.
MC sits next to Tsukuyo.
MC: You mind if I call you Tsu-chan?
Tsukuyo sits with an emotionless face.
MC: I'll take that as a yes. Here I brought you a present.
MC pulls out something from a bag he brought with him.
It was a cat plushie.
MC: Here I got this for you before we left Earth.
Tsukuyo takes the plushie.
MC: You know, most of the time I've been living all I had was my dad. My Dad took me away from my Mom. I don't know why. But all I had was him. I had no friends, family, much less a sister.
MC: We may not be related by blood but I'm glad to have you as a sister. I feel like I know you already.
Tsukuyo turns and looks towards MC.
MC: Promise me though that you won't receive anymore of my wounds like you did today. I'd hate myself if anything serious happened to you.
Tsukuyo considers this. And nods yes.
MC: All right!
Outside the room is Nami and the Professor.
Pro: Your son is a very interesting one. It looks like things worked out more so than we hoped 10 years ago.
Nami: Yes. I suppose it did.


: Action, Sci-Fi, Supernatural
Please comment on and critic my work. If possible be as harsh as you can be and tell me whether or not if this would be something you would read

Pages each chapter: Around 20, but more pages for the first chapter.

Blitzkreig Chess Rules and Concepts:

Blitzkreig Chess pits teams against one another. Each team is made up of pieces and Kings/Queens.

Each team is limited to one King/Queen. The number of pieces within a team is limited to 50 pieces.

Each pawn is equipped with any weapon of their choosing, and must also wear a bracelet provided to them by the Association.
As each pawn in a team wears a bracelet, the Kings/Queens must also wear a crown.
The Crowns are used to transmit a signal to the bracelets from Kings/Queens to their respective pieces, the connection is known as a Hyper Empathy Connection.
Through the Hyper Empathy Connection holds benefits and consequences.
Using the Hyper Empathy Connection, a King/Queen can transmit any kind of information to the pawn of their choosing and vice-versa.
The Hyper Empathy Connection is not only limited to information but can also transmit energy. When transmitting energy from King/Queen to pawn, the pawn receiving energy can use the energy to enhance the physical abilities of oneself.(Thinking about making it vice-versa,from Pawn to King/Queen).

Another application of the Hyper Empathy Connection is the Damage Medium(maybe i should come up with a better name).
When a pawn receives damage, a King/Queen can decide whether or not to use his/herself as a medium to receive the damage instead of the chosen pawn.

The goal of the competition is to reach Checkmate.
There are 2 ways to reach Checkmate:
1. The opposing team's King/Queen is "eliminated"
The King/Queen can be rendered unconscious or can be killed.
2. The opposing team resigns.

Teams can change the number of pieces they have and can replace each round.
Pieces can be replaced but Kings/Queens cannot. Once a King/Queen is eliminated the team must resign from the tournament.
Whatever state the King/Queen is in(in slumber,injured,and etc.) he/she must participate or the team forfeits.

Battles take place in an environment chosen by the Committee. The tournament takes place on planet Dion(working name) and the Association provide the environments/battlefields on Dion.
Each team can choose a starting spot as long as it is not within a 3 mile radius of the center of the chosen battlefield.
Starting points also must not be within 10 miles within each other.
Pieces can go on the offensive searching for the opponents King/Queen or can stay on the defense defending their own.
The location of the opposing side's King/Queen is unknown.
This now brings us to one of the few reasons of battle between pieces.
The location of the opponent's King/Queen can be shown through the enemies bracelet. Pieces must battle it out and whoever wins receives the loser's bracelet. The pawn that wins the bracelet must equip it over their own. Once done the bracelet assimilates with his/her own bracelet. The opponents bracelet holds information on where the general direction of where their respective King/Queen is. The information is transmitted to the winning pawn's King/Queen.
When more bracelets are won, the location of the opponent's King/Queen becomes more specific. When all bracelets are won the exact location of the opponent's King/Queen is revealed.

When a team wins the Chess Tournament, the king/queen of the team decides whether or not their respective world stays within the tournament or no. If no, the respective team's planet is liberated from absolute participation of the tournament.
(I'll add more to the grand prize if possible)


Kawaguchi Tsukuyo

The representing queen of the team from Planet Earth.
Personality: Calm, collective demeanor, shy, quiet and seeing her talk is actually a one in a million chance. Through the HEC(Hyper Empathy Connection) she shares information through images instead of words(teammates understand each other enough to understand the meaning of the images).
Tsukuyo is the daughter of one of the leading sponsors of the team from Earth.
Her mother is Kawaguchi Nami.
She's an adoptive daughter of Nami but isn't human.
Here's the reason why:
After many pathetic losses in the Chess Tournament, years ago after a tournament ended(that time the reigning champions made up of a race above all others called Vera's won every time they entered. They don't enter every tournament due to their bodies going into a deep slumber and can sleep during various time limits from a year to 30.) At the end of the last tournament the Veras were to head back to their movable home planet Novantus( if they do not return in time for their hibernation they risk immediate death), the humans decided to take one of the Verans back to their home planet to study and use as a test subject. The Veras had to leave their missing comrade for dead and left back to Novantus, the Vera that the Humans took was put into hibernation using the Earthlings technology. Throughout the many years past many other losses in the Chess Tournaments the Humans bided their time while experimenting on the Vera they captured. They planned to use the Vera they captured as a Queen to their team in the tournament years on. To have a member on your team, they must be genetically of the same species. So the Humans changed the genetics of the Vera they captured to make it similar enough to a human's but keeping the genetics somewhat close to that of a Vera's to still tap into it's power while in the tournament. So about 30 years after they captured the Vera, she finally awakened. With their new Queen they named Tsukuyo, the humans thought they would finally have a chance at winning the tournament and achieving the ultimate prize for a planet(still working on that part) for they thought that year the Veras would still be within their slumber. They thought the reason Tsukuyo woke up was because they thought it was the right time for her to enter, but they didn't think of the possibility of the Veras reawakening and the troubles the possibility may hold when they come to find their missing comrade back in the Chess Tournament alive and mutated.

Tsukuyo is not a warrior and is not actually physically capable of battle. Although she has no battle experience she excels at her role as Queen and can provide energy when needed and is willing to take damage no matter how severe if the situation demands it.

Her hair being silver, and her eyes a deep shade of blue as deep as the ocean.
Since her genetic information was altered she does not retain the appearance of a Vera. But it is during battle when she is pushed to a near limit that her eyes glow orange and her hair turns snow white, similar to the appearance of an actual Vera.

Sen Kawaguchi(Main character):

Sex: Male
Personality: Somewhat the adventurous type.
ABOUT: Cherishes his life more than anything. Will do whatever he can to protect which is close to him. His team and planet Earth including.
The legitimate son of Nami Kawaguchi.
At birth he was to be paired with Tsukuyo for the later Chess Tournament. He was to be developed along with Tsukuyo to compete at max potential. An experiment was done on MC , was to alter him but his father took him out of training and development and took his son away from the Chess Tourney. Father and son ran away, leaving Nami,wife and mother, to her work on the Chess tourney alone with Tsukuyo.
Father recently died, and MC is left alone. Making a decision, he decides to go to the Chess Tourney try outs to see Nami, his mother, who is leading this years expedition. That being one of his many reasons of entering the Blitzkreig Chess Tournament.

Ideas thinking about putting into the series:
  • Ranking of pieces(Players). Pieces/Players are ranked on experience within the game. All players start off as pawns. When the Committee sees a player worthy of ranking up, the chosen piece can rank up from a "pawn" to a rook".
    Pawns: Lvl 1
    Rook: Lvl 2
    Bishop: Lvl 3
    Knight: Lvl 4
    I determined the ranking based on my little experience as a chess player.
    Through each battle, a Pieces(player/team member) is evaluated on their performance and is given points as a result. Points can be added up to acheive new ranks and privileges.
    Though the ranking reminds me of MAR so I'm hesitant on putting this idea in there

Working Ideas for a Prize if a team wins the Tournament:
  • Royal decree: The Chess Grand Masters may issue a decree that must be followed and never denied. Anything goes.

The idea of the Veras I would like to give credit to my friend DJ.

Concept Drawings:
Blades of Eirliche(Weapon that Sen uses in Battle):

Practice Page for Manga:

This idea seems similar(?) to some competitions that may have been seen in other series, its just what i think. I didn't rip off of anything its just something that came from head. If it does seem similar to a manga/anime series I'd just want to say I didn't mean to rip off anything. Forgive me if i did though.
If things turn out alright I'll post some character profiles and whatnot and add in the plot of the story. I'm also working on another project with a friend so I'll be busy.

So yeah need harsh critics and advice.

Last edited by sasukeuzi; 07-15-2011 at 05:26 PM.
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Old 07-12-2011, 08:19 PM   #2
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Re: Blitzkreig Chess(working name)

Alright alright. So I read this on a whim since I'm not up to anything right now. Luckily I've dabbled into a bit of creative writing so I'll give some insights. Judging from how you said you hope you found a drawers for this and the description you used I'm guessing this is written to be in a manga or comic of sorts. Or at least a novel with some pictures here and there.

Anyway, I like the theme. I used to be a pretty advent chess players so I'm definitely cool with the idea or murdering people to get to the king/queen. Earth sound's pretty screwed but unless you change how human's get "saved" it's going to be pretty predictable what happens (unless you pull a Berserk on us and murder EVERYONE sending them to hell...that could happen too...).

You have some really minor spelling mistakes in that draft. There's a 'past' that should be 'passed' and something else but really nothing I'd fret about. Not like this is a final draft or something.

Now the content. I'm black so I'm cool with the black guy being "The black guy" hahahah but get the dude a name! You do need some names for some of the players. Also you might want to change the idea that the not king/queen people can be switched in and out. Otherwise you're either going to have a clusterf*** of characters with no background OR like a bunch with little to no back-story. So make a set cast and stick with them unless you are going for an "army" idea in which case I'd expect character bios to give background depth at the end of each chapter. You might want to look at the game Valkryia Chronicles if you do the whole army idea. They have a core set of people, the main ones in cutscenes and all that. But the other not as important people were made with a story and all fit very nicely and a lot of them become lovable (I'm looking at you Marina Wulfstan my lone wolf love!).

I do like how you added the obvious "sh*ts about to go down when Tsukuyo gets on the field!" My gf would like to have a word with you about the genetics thing tho (don't let her, she'll only hurt you!). I told her it was just creative writing magic and that's all you need to tell anyone who asks. It is what it is because it is. You have her playing your martyr which means mc guy is going to play a martyr shield (because suicide bombers need life insurance to balance their finances afterwards). The idea of using pictures is to relate information seems...well it seems cute, not gonna lie hahahah.

All in all I would be interested in reading more if for anything to see who you add to this ragtag last ditch hope team for Earth.

Somethings you could work on would be re-working how you introduce new people to readers. If you just throw a name out there you'll make readers think they missed the introduction to them. Also reword some of the sentences so you aren't saying the same word right next to each other, example:
Both are seen wearing glasses, wearing garments of light brown with gold trimmings, clad in a butlers uniform. The butlers are both male and female(twins).
Yes, we know they're butlers and they're wearing clothes. We don't necessarily need to know that the two people in butler uniforms are...butlers. Seems pretty self evident. But try to liven up your word choice a bit. Don't go extreme otherwise you'll have readers having to look in a dictionary to figure out what you said. That's never a good thing.

Anyway tho for me to say more would be me pulling things out of my buttocks. So go ahead and start working on more so I can take a peak at it and see where you're headed! Nice read.
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Old 07-13-2011, 05:20 PM   #3
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Re: Blitzkreig Chess(working name)

I read this for a long time to get my insight right.

I think it is a really original story with I think is rare these days, and if I have not seen a plot like this then I haven't heard of it.

The plot will have tons of characters if you are going for 'every' planet, unless you do something later from this rough draft.

the tournament is really unique in what strategy the teams can win and the conditions are really good.

My critic on this is the actual make of it. I thought it was more on the political view of the tournament than the games itself but it is to make the reader understand the thoughts of what is happening on Earth.

Some of the lines for the plot seem like it would be better with images than a sentence.

And finally, the ranking of the chess pieces don't seem to be beneficial in any way or any kind of restriction to what role it can't do while the players seem to be able to move around.

(If I find any more critics on this then I will add some to this post than making another one)
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Old 07-15-2011, 01:02 PM   #4
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Re: Blitzkreig Chess(working name)

Thanks for the reviews guys. I kind of forgot I had this story posted on the Fan's Forum. I update the story on another forum and i forgot about this one lol.
But anyways, I read all your comments, and I completely agree. I definitely think that this story isn't the best it can be. I make a lot of changes on a daily basis for the first chapter. I haven't moved on to chapter 2 because I want to make chapter 1 the best it can be.
I added more stuff to the story that you can see from the first post, such as some art and more to the first chapter. What I wrote for the beginning of the chapter isn't the same as what I have in mind now, but I'd rather show people the changes when the pages are out.
Hanaji should be working on the first 4 pages so they'll be out in a week or so.
But thanks for the reviews, I needed them.

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fanfic , one shot

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