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Old 06-22-2011, 04:34 AM   #1
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Two Suns (original poem)

Reviews appreciated. I attempted a rhyme and was extremely inspired. This recurring theme of the Sun tends to also come to me; I don't know. I feel like each time I write more the poems begin to merge together into a story plot; it's interesting. Mixed feelings and devotion. I have two shorts and another side poem I have to submit. They're poor but enriched in thoughts. Please tell me what you think :)
The two Suns forbid my rest;
I follow them as I please.
Never will I say again that I, too, want to sleep.
Although I'm part of the big, shared world,
I hope I'm a part of you.
Your indifference, your respectfulness;
I can't sleep 'til noon.
I give no care to the Sun in the sky,
or the coward in the clouds.
I only need to have you here;
the beauty of your elegant smile.
The transitions are choppy; an edit must be made.
Thanks, all.

+ P.S. I'm concerned about my posting and whether or not it would be "spamming" this section. I want to post more so would it be more reasonable to stack them in one thread?

- littlefileuser -

Last edited by littlefileuser; 06-22-2011 at 05:13 AM.
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love , poem , poetry , review , rhyme , two suns , uyen vo

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