Two Suns (original poem) - 91.8 The Fan

littlefileuser · 05:13 AM

Reviews appreciated. I attempted a rhyme and was extremely inspired. This recurring theme of the Sun tends to also come to me; I don't know. I feel like each time I write more the poems begin to merge together into a story plot; it's interesting. Mixed feelings and devotion. I have two shorts and another side poem I have to submit. They're poor but enriched in thoughts. Please tell me what you think :)

The two Suns forbid my rest;
I follow them as I please.
Never will I say again that I, too, want to sleep.
Although I'm part of the big, shared world,
I hope I'm a part of you.
Your indifference, your respectfulness;
I can't sleep 'til noon.
I give no care to the Sun in the sky,
or the coward in the clouds.
I only need to have you here;
the beauty of your elegant smile.

The transitions are choppy; an edit must be made.
Thanks, all.

+ P.S. I'm concerned about my posting and whether or not it would be "spamming" this section. I want to post more so would it be more reasonable to stack them in one thread?

06-22-2011, 04:34 AM	#1
littlefileuser Newbie Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 21 Rep Power: 0	Two Suns (original poem) Reviews appreciated. I attempted a rhyme and was extremely inspired. This recurring theme of the Sun tends to also come to me; I don't know. I feel like each time I write more the poems begin to merge together into a story plot; it's interesting. Mixed feelings and devotion. I have two shorts and another side poem I have to submit. They're poor but enriched in thoughts. Please tell me what you think :) The two Suns forbid my rest; I follow them as I please. Never will I say again that I, too, want to sleep. Although I'm part of the big, shared world, I hope I'm a part of you. Your indifference, your respectfulness; I can't sleep 'til noon. I give no care to the Sun in the sky, or the coward in the clouds. I only need to have you here; the beauty of your elegant smile. The transitions are choppy; an edit must be made. Thanks, all. + P.S. I'm concerned about my posting and whether or not it would be "spamming" this section. I want to post more so would it be more reasonable to stack them in one thread? ______________________ - littlefileuser - Last edited by littlefileuser; 06-22-2011 at 05:13 AM.