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Old 08-06-2010, 10:23 PM   #1
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Battle for 91.8 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands



Chapter Two: Hired Hands

Entering the main gate of the capital city of the Xanitrius, a lean man started towards the other end of town, where the military had set up it's headquarters. Appearing beside him, another man appeared. "Fuhrer Darghan. Where have you been? The military has been on alert since yourself and Remy vanished yesterday." The thin man said as he walked quickly beside who he was speaking to. "That is my business. Now, What is the situation in town." said Darghan, soon after they entered the marketplace, which was bustling with traders and civilians. "We've had reports of attacks from the Euphanthenians, on our outpost within the town of Sibalaia. The enemy has been trekking across the safe zone posed by the Merchant Guild, to get within attack range easily of that town." said Nerco, knocking people out of his way instead of walking around them. "Good. I've left Remy near the town of Hibasand on a mission. He will keep in contact on any forces in that area." said Darghan quickly.

Kana wiped her forehead with her arm just as they crossed into the grasslands at the end of the desert, and pulled off her cloak, relishing in the gentle breeze that accompanied the environment change. Walking with her, two others removed their cloaks as well. "Our travels should be much easier from here out. Although, some of the creatures hiding in that desert were definately something to be feared." said Marc, as he adjusted the position of his sword's sheath into a more comfortable position. "You're tell me. I'm not even the best of fighters, so they were scarier to me then to you two." said Kisa, looking back just as a giant worm like creature jumped out of the sand, moving away from them. Kisa sighed, and started forward beside Kana and Marc, who were leading the way. The journey went relatively well, with only a group of wolfs charging out of nowhere, hoping to turn them into tonights dinner. As they approached the town of Hibasand, four people stood in their way. "Are you the one known as Kana?" said the person at the front of the group. Kana looked over at Marc, who had placed his hand on the hilt of his sword. "Yes. I am Kanashimi. What business do you have with me?" said Kana strongly, not showing any sign of weakness towards the people before her.

"Allow us to introduce ourselves first. My name is Taikutsu. A mercenary. Beside me are Renasa Renatosa and Syhshen, and lastly, this is Re-" She was cut off when she looked towards where Remy had been standing, only to find him nowhere to be seen. "Forget about him. Now, onto business. We've been hired to kill you. So I hope you'll forgive us for this." said Taikutsu, quickly raising her hand gun and firing off a few shots towards Kana. Almost instinctively, Marc stepped in front of Kana and with a swing of his sword, deflected the bullets away harmlessly with a burst of energy, just before he dashed forward at an inhuman speed, and tried slashing at Taikutsu, but was interupted by Syhshen, who blocked Marc's sword slash with his own katana. As they pushed against each other to try throwing the other off balance, Syhshen raised his hand and placed it on the blunt of his sword. "Dianli Bagong." muttered Syhshen softly, as a powerful wave of energy erupted from his katana, throwing Marc backwards and out of the way, as the wave pulsed towards Kana. Taking the hammer off her back, Kana gingerly swung it, just as the attack came into range and deflected it. "Marc. Are you okay?" said Kana, as Marc pulled himself to his feet and nodded, suffering minor wounds from that attack. Nocking an arrow into her bow, Kisa let out a few arrows one after another at the group, before transforming behind into her dog form. Hidden behind both Syhshen and Taikutsu, Renasa sent a stream of water out over their heads, and absorbed the impact of the arrows.

Sitting on top of the main gate leading into Hibasand, Remy watched the battle below with interest. Kisa burst out from behind Kana and ran into a half circle, heading straight towards Renasa, just as Marc rushed in for another strike at Taikutsu. Running past Syhshen, Taikutsu rushed towards Kana, who had projected a shield around herself, Taikutsu's handgun in one hand, and the katana sheath in the other. Marc changed paths to block her advance, but was halted when Syhshen appeared and attacked, this time fighting with a small blade in each hand. "These mercenaries are living up to their reputation. Unless Kana begins to go all out against them, I can expect them to lose this battle." said Remy, just as he felt the ground beneath him begin to vibrate. Looking towards the horizon in the direction of the desert, something massive was moving towards the town. "Well, this should make things interesting, and on that note, giving me enough reason to leave." said Remy, and as he was leaving, forced the main gates to the town to close with the helpful push from a mass of poisonous vines that burst from the nearby wall. "Have fun out there." said Remy, vanishing into the town.

As the wild boars charged towards the six fighters, the escalating vibrations in the ground caught Kana's attention first, and turned towards them, Taikutsu coming to a stop behind her. "I don't think this is the time for us to be fighting." said Kana, as she looked towards Marc, "Can you get that gate open from the outside?" yelled Kana, as Marc pushed Syhshen out of the way and started examining the area around the doorway. "It doesn't appear so." said Marc quickly. Renasa joined Marc, but instead of looking for a way into the city, she began thinking of different escape routes they could use. It came quickly, as Renasa yelled towards everyone else to head towards the river. They all moved quickly, with Kisa and Taikutsu shooting as many of the boars as they could from a distance, moving backwards along the side of the town wall. "What about the town?" asked Marc, looking back at the growing horde racing towards them. "Don't worry. Almost all towns in this day and age are outfitted to handle monster attacks, so the town should be fine. It's us we have to worry about." said Kana as she looked down towards the river. It was a steep slope going down into a powerful river, which flowed westwards. "I'm out of ammo! Let's go!" yelled Taikutsu, and dashed past Kana, and lept off the edge, and slid down the slope, plunging into the water and vanishing downstream. Renasa and Syhshen quickly followed, and were out of sight before the others had even considered jumping.

"This doesn't bode well." said Kisa as she backed up to the edge, standing just on the edge of the slope. Transforming into her dog form, she was going to use the increased strength and added legs to stabilize herself as she headed down the stream. Together, they began down the stream, and headed into the river. Swimming as hard as they could, they moved across the river, while being pushed downstream at the same time. Finally reaching the other side, Marc pulled himself onto a safe part of land, and helped Kisa out of the water as well. Looking around, Kana was nowhere in sight. Worried, Marc started downstream, watching the Mercorias River like a hawk, but to no avail. Kana was nowhere to be seen. Kisa finally pulled herself together, and joined up with Marc. "What do we do now? Go look for Kana?" said Kisa. "No. She knows if we get split up, to continue on. We'll get a search party together once we return to Euphanthene." said Marc, worried sick about the whereabouts of Kana.

Having been caught in a bad current, Kana was swept far downstream, washing ashore on the shore of a small island just downstream from where they had originally entered the water. The fast current was too powerful, and the travel downstream knocked Kana unconcious. Soon after, Kana awoke in a strange bed, a ripple of pain running up her left leg. Looking down, she found she had somehow damaged her leg after she jumped into the water, and that her injury was already treated. Looking around, she noticed a older woman sitting on the other side of the room, preparing what smelled like dinner. "Umm...Excuse me..." muttered Kana quietly, but it was loud enough that the elderly lady stood up, and turned towards Kana. "I see that you are awake, child. I found you unconcious near the river almost three hours ago. I brought you here and treated the injury on your leg." said the woman politely. "Where am I?" said Kana, continuing to look around. "You are in the town of Pelenini on the island of Dahran." Kana's eyes widened as she realized where she was. This city was in enemy territory. If they realized exactly who she was, she would be in a bad situation. "Could you tell me your name, young one?" said the woman gently. "I-I don't remember my name." said Kana calmly, hoping an act of amnesia would get her by for now. "I see. My name is Potia. I suggest you stay here for a few days. That leg of yours is in no condition for travelling." Kana nodded, and laid back, wondering what happened to Marc and Kisa. Back on shore, Marc and Kisa arrived back in Euphanthene, and headed straight to the military headquarters to gather a garison to head out and find the Fuhrer.

A bird arrived in Xanitrius, landing on a perch within the courtyard of the military headquarters, carrying a letter. The letter was taken, and delivered to Darghan. Opening it up, he whispered the contents aloud to himself. "The mission to assassinate the Fuhrer of Euphanthene, Kanashimi, was unsuccessful. After hiring a group of mercenaries to attack and kill her, they ended up in a stalemate of overall power. Eventually someone would have won, had a rather large group of animals not stormed the city. Watching them from the safety of the town, they were all forced to jump into the nearby river to escape. Kanashimi's whereabouts are currently unknown. If she was swept downstream, she may eventually end up in our territory. I am returning to base. Remy." Darghan destroyed the letter, and headed into the command center where he handed out order to his troops. Looking down at the group of people before him, Darghan began to speak to them. "I want you all to scout out all cities within our territory. Kanashimi was last seen moving downstream along the Mercorias River towards our territory, so I want you all to find her, and kill her. Your lives mean nothing to me. Don't come back if you don't have anything to bring back. Is that understood?" The soldiers nodded, and took off out of the command center.

 
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Last edited by JinnRemona; 08-25-2010 at 08:56 PM.
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:36 PM   #2
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

I'm still waiting for a flying dragon.
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:49 PM   #3
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheDrunkenShadow View Post
I'm still waiting for a flying dragon.
I was actually considering that already for a later development. :P
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:49 PM   #4
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Explain the lack of Kibbles being where the Kanashimi is
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:53 PM   #5
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Awwwww poor kibs
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:53 PM   #6
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Oh, Oh, Oh

I did something


Excited for part 3 ...
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:56 PM   #7
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Win.
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Old 08-06-2010, 11:03 PM   #8
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Did I portray everyone to their expectations?
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Old 08-06-2010, 11:05 PM   #9
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Awesome! Keep it up
I was like
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Old 08-06-2010, 11:30 PM   #10
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Time for some constructive criticism~

I like that the characters all have a lot to do, but I feel like they're doing them too fast for me to keep up. For instance, if I wasn't someone who had read all the profiles (which I didn't), I have no idea who has what ability and so when I read it... it feels sort of like people are firing off this or that, but I don't know why or how (action scenes are honestly the hardest I think). I know character development comes in all forms, but I feel like there needs to be more in-between so the pacing isn't as awkward as it is.

This could be done in several ways, but when you read it back you should think about how you see it in your head... and then can someone who has no idea what I'm talking about see it as clearly as me. You don't need to describe shoelaces in every paragraph, but there's a lot of characters already and I already have forgotten everyone besides mine cause it has my name. xD I remember Kisa because her unique ability was highlighted during the fight, which was to transform. I remember Chris... as Chris, haha xD

I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to add some spice and opinion~
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Old 08-06-2010, 11:38 PM   #11
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Maybe dramatic fight sequences should have their own paragraph AND BE BOLD!
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Old 08-06-2010, 11:51 PM   #12
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

I agree with Kana, in a way. I've read some of the profiles, yet at the same time, a sentence or two to describe would be good for future characters, or if old characters were described later in a way to explain actions they take.
But on a positive side, everyone seems happy with the way you've rightfully portrayed their characters! Your writing style is action-packed, too, and nothing seems awkward or rushed to me. Just lots of interesting characters so far. Keep up the amazing work, the continuity of the story looks like it's headed somewhere positive. :)
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Old 08-07-2010, 12:35 AM   #13
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Still no mighty bass riffs, but I'll survive. The enemy on the other hand.... >:D I'm sure Zale's out there somewhere, beating down on someone in the Wasteland's xD

Another good chapter though! Although, some of the things Kana suggested may come in useful. It is a little hard to keep up with each character and who's they are.

...Were the wolfs at the beginning an allusion to a certain alien character?
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Old 08-07-2010, 07:43 AM   #14
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

That was very well written. I did read the profiles so I was able to follow just fine, but I agree that a short introduction to each character's ability and purpose would make this a better read for those who were... how do I put this... too lazy to read them :P (just kidding)
I can't wait to read part three! I'm ready for some Henry!!
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Old 08-07-2010, 08:01 AM   #15
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Needs moar ice
THE GREAT BANG SHISHIGAMI DEMANDS IT TO BE SO! but either way, cool chapter
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Old 08-07-2010, 09:31 AM   #16
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Liking it so far! :D
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Old 08-07-2010, 01:05 PM   #17
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

I enjoyed it as well! I'm not one to criticize when people have already said what I agree with so I'll go with saying that as time goes on you'll get better and better, I'm looking forward to what comes next! ^^
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Old 08-07-2010, 02:27 PM   #18
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

Just got finished reading it finally.

And I think it's awesome that I shoot mother flippin' laser beams out of my sword.

I'm liking it so far!
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Old 08-07-2010, 03:56 PM   #19
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

I am liking having a story to read every time I log in.I demand more.

*stomps his foot on the ground*

RIGHT NAO! Or else...
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Old 08-07-2010, 10:37 PM   #20
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Re: Battle for 9.18 The Fan - Chapter 2: Hired Hands

the orson levels are dropping dangerously low
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