Horrible Fanfic Duel: Eternal Scholar vs. Zero Gravity

[Bargain Gamer]

I am a horrible person for writing this, and you are a horrible person for reading this. Nuff said.

Originally Posted by Bargain Gamer Eternal Scholar (henceforth referred to as Eternal), was relaxing outside a rundown “dining establishment”, as one might politely call such a place. One might also call it a seedy hole in the wall where no sane person would ever waste a second of their time, but then again Eternal wasn’t exactly known for his sanity. Listening to Every Fight so many times would eventually cave even the strongest of individuals, and so he came here to escape from the rigors of his position. Downing yet another shot, he smirked as the shadows within his peripheral vision flickered slightly, his right hand shifting innocently to the sawed off quintuple barrel shotgun at his side as his left poured yet another shot. “Care to join me?” he called out, not even bothering to look over as he downed it, the shadows flickering once more at the provocative statement. Slowly a figure draped in black emerged, his footsteps silent as he walked over to the table, his bloodshot eyes glaring down at the DJ. “Join you?” Zero said with a sneer, his own grip tightening around the 15 foot long wakizashi draped across his shoulder. “You’ve been a thorn in my side for too long. Stealing my fans and ideas…. did you honestly think I would just let it slide?” “Guess not, huh?” Eternal said, a poorly suppressed grin threatening to conquer his entire face. “But then again, it wasn’t very hard, you talentless hack!” “Enough!” Zero yelled, having had just that from his fellow compatriot. He swung his 18 foot wakizashi across horizontally at Eternal’s head, the former kicking back off the table so that he fell backwards with his chair, the blade skimming across his nose while it leveled the building behind him. Not even bothering to draw it, he aimed his shotgun and fired through the holster, evaporating the table between them. Unfortunately Zero merely blew apart into hunks of wood, his substitution technique allowing him to sneak behind Eternal. Well above him anyway, what with his back being on the ground and all. His wakizashi, now somehow being a manageable enough size to swing down at Eternal without being in midair came crashing down into the chair below, Eternal barely rolling out of the way. His shotgun spent, he casually drew his dual fifty caliber rifles from his trench coat pockets and opened fire, blowing chunks out of the surrounding civilians. Yet Zero seemed to anticipate his every move, dodging just barely out of the way and rapidly closing the distance. With a single swing of his wakizashi he sheered the barrels off of the rifles, though the blade also shattered against their diamond coating. Growling at this, he drew his giant reaper scythe and proceeded to attack DBZ style, a bunch of blurred lines implying attacks cutting through the air all around Eternal. Unimpressed, Eternal ripped open his jacket to reveal over 9000 grenades strapped to his chest which he somehow managed to pull all of their pins at once. The resulting explosion destroyed half of the city in which they were located. Yet when the smoke cleared both fighters were still intact, Zero having shifted over to his dreaded gotoryu style, with five gigantic reaper scythes adorning his person, one for each limb/head and Eternal holding a rocket launcher the size of Godzilla, which in turn actually fired Godzillas. The two then proceeded to spend the next three hours facing each other down samurai style. It was clear that the next attack would end the fight, though who would win was anyone’s guess. The two of them visibly tensed as they prepared to charge! “WHO LEFT THE RADIO UNATTENDED?!” Distracted by this totally unexpected outburst, the two turned and formed visible sweat drops as Mecha-Goddess-Supreme Kai Kana descended from the heavens, an angry scowl plastered across her features. Oblivious to the carnage around them, she proceeded to glower at the two djs as they in turn proceeded to mumble excuses about how it wasn’t their fault and it was totally the other’s fault as it was THEIR shift after all, and Kana had had enough. With a wink of her eye two gigantic hammers appeared from the sky and slammed into the two, sending them hurtling off into the distance, Team Rocket style. Satisfied by her handiwork, she then ascended back into the sky, leaving the ruined city to rebuild. After all, she had interviews to do!

So yeah, if you bothered to read that, congratulations I guess? This was a fanfic prompt from Eternal with no specifics other than it was between him and Zero and I had a half hour to write it. Hopefully it didn't cause too much damage. Now if you'll excuse me, I need a drink.