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~~Oni~~ · 01-04-2010, 04:50 PM

I'd agree, a lot of 'she' in there. I get that the character is anonymous and doesn't have a name, but you could replaced those with things like 'the girl' and stuff.

Other than that, good job.

01-04-2010, 04:50 PM	#4
~~Oni~~ Banhammer'd Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NSW, Australia Posts: 564 Rep Power: 0	Re: The Cabin I'd agree, a lot of 'she' in there. I get that the character is anonymous and doesn't have a name, but you could replaced those with things like 'the girl' and stuff. Other than that, good job. ______________________