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Old 06-21-2011, 12:25 AM   #1
littlefileuser
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Sleeping Under the Sun (original poem)

I wrote this poem for a guy that I'm struggling with. It's a free verse and I'm not looking for any professional responses but just if my message is stated clearly. Any response would be appreciated though (such as personal input). I describe a dream that I had the other "day" about a guy that lives very far away from me.
So sleeping under the Sun,
I have nice dreams;
Your lips comin' to approach me,
The distance of my tongue.
And although I look away,
a mischievious smile,
You still look for me and try for the enchanting kiss.
It's annoying, isn't it, to see you in my dreams,
it's crazy, seriously, that I want to go back.
Who are you,
and where are you from?
No matter how far,
I'll always come.
It's that kiss you want,
the touch of my skin,
But for me, you see,
I want feelings.
A selfish love,
You don't have to say,
But wait for me forever until I arrive.
I'll be walking barefeet to you under the Sun.
*EDIT: The poem actually has many complex emotions to it besides the obvious "love letter" theme. It's very personal to me, and I would like to know what you guys think! :)
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Old 06-21-2011, 12:38 AM   #2
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Re: Sleeping Under the Sun (original poem)

I actually really enjoyed it. The message does seem clear. At least to me it is. And I think it contains a fairly decent amount of emotion in it, too. Thumbs up!
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Old 06-21-2011, 12:43 AM   #3
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Re: Sleeping Under the Sun (original poem)

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Originally Posted by Kusari View Post
I actually really enjoyed it. The message does seem clear. At least to me it is. And I think it contains a fairly decent amount of emotion in it, too. Thumbs up!
Thanks for the reply Kusari! Especially at this time! (my time)
:) Very appreciated.
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Old 06-21-2011, 04:49 AM   #4
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Re: Sleeping Under the Sun (original poem)

Very nice!
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Old 06-21-2011, 04:52 AM   #5
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Re: Sleeping Under the Sun (original poem)

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Originally Posted by EagleEyes View Post
Very nice!
T-Thanks :D It makes me happy to see that, xD, I'm too easily satisfied. :P
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Old 09-19-2012, 12:56 AM   #6
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Re: Sleeping Under the Sun (original poem)

It is meaningful and heart touching. A lovely poem about love.
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