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Old 09-12-2010, 11:48 PM   #1
Leviathan Mist

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Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

Have you ever wondered why so many guys who are just flat out douchebags end up with the women who are nice, smart, and good-looking? Ever wonder why the nice guys always end up getting used by some filthy tramp? Well, I have your answer.

It's all about who is attracting who, who is dominating who, and for what reasons. In this world, the villain usually has the upper-hand. Let's take a nice girl, for example, Nice girls are usually modest, and don't have a very big ego. Having a big ego doesn't usually coincide with being nice. So, these girls may see nice guys and think about how nice it would be to actually be with one of them, but in the end, the girl doesn't feel she is worthy of a nice guy who treats her right. Also, every person has faults, and being with a guy who has more faults will make the good girl's faults seem less pronounced, as well as give her more lenience and allow her to be mean to get what she wants. Therefore, the good girl chooses to go with the bad guy, simply because she feels her flaws are on the same level as theirs, which is usually far from the truth.

Now let's take the example of the good guy always getting used. The good guy is being rejected by the good girl because the good girl doesn't feel like she's worthy enough for the good guy. Now, who DOES feel worthy enough for the good guy? The bad girl, of course. The bad girl is a skank, the worst of the worst. She see's all these good guys in this world who are single as something to take advantage of, and boy does she take advantage. The good guy will do anything for this girl, because it's all he's been able to get, and the girl will indulge in everything the guy gets her, until she becomes unsatisfied, and then she will toss the guy on the street, taking whatever valuables she can from him, and move on to the next helpless nice guy.

So good guys, you need to step up and be aware of what's going on here. Girls are smart, cunning, and deceptive when they want to be. Keep going after those good girls, and don't fall for the bad girl's tricks. And good girls... seriously, take the nice guy for once. Don't worry if you mess up now and then, the nice guy will forgive you because he IS the nice guy. You both will be happy if you make it happen.

As for the bad people in this world, I have nothing to say to you. I only hope my message will get across and you bad people will have no one to take advantage of.
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Old 09-13-2010, 01:02 AM   #2
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

Ancient lore tells us that women like assertive men.

What is more assertive than a douchebag?

Psychology lesson is over, your homework is to find the nearest douchebag and put him out of our misery
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Old 09-13-2010, 04:19 AM   #3
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

Uhm....Professor Kibs... my dog ate my homework O.O
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Old 09-13-2010, 04:32 AM   #4
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

I think you just need a boobie mousepad.
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Old 09-13-2010, 04:53 AM   #5
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

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I think you just need a boobie mousepad.
Yeah but really, who doesn't need one?

Do they come in Minorin form? :o
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Old 09-13-2010, 06:05 AM   #6
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

I think that you are completely wrong overall. There are those occasions in which that girl who feels unworthy of that good guy feels safest with that good guy. Believe it or not, women like men who actually care about them. Assertive or not, respect and kindness make the man, not douchbagery. Not every girl thinks the same way and not every girl falls for that bad boy archetype. I feel your blanket statement speaks some truth here and there, but the world won't explode if happiness spawned from the relationship of two genuinely kind hearted people. Most of the time, we wait for our prince charming to speak those words we have wished to hear (most men can never wrap their minds around that). That underlying dream doesn't fade with adolescence. Sounds corny, I know, but you men lack that knowledge of how to treat a woman. If you knew, we just want to be treated kindly with the respect we try to return.

The Bibbles has spoken. Now go snag yourself a nice girl :P
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Old 09-13-2010, 06:36 AM   #7
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

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I think that you are completely wrong overall. There are those occasions in which that girl who feels unworthy of that good guy feels safest with that good guy. Believe it or not, women like men who actually care about them. Assertive or not, respect and kindness make the man, not douchbagery. Not every girl thinks the same way and not every girl falls for that bad boy archetype. I feel your blanket statement speaks some truth here and there, but the world won't explode if happiness spawned from the relationship of two genuinely kind hearted people. Most of the time, we wait for our prince charming to speak those words we have wished to hear (most men can never wrap their minds around that). That underlying dream doesn't fade with adolescence. Sounds corny, I know, but you men lack that knowledge of how to treat a woman. If you knew, we just want to be treated kindly with the respect we try to return.

The Bibbles has spoken. Now go snag yourself a nice girl :P
I never said it applies to every relationship. Obviously there will be exceptions where the right girl finds the right guy and vice versa. I don't see how you could think I'm wrong about the people whose relationships are flopping because of it. Then again, I am pretty stubborn about my opinion - it's not easy to get me to change my mind about something I formulated in my own head.

Overall, I'd rather be the nice guy who's single all his life than the douchebag. It's simply natural for me to try to make everyone around me better.
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:17 AM   #8
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

I always get confused when the nice guy complains or is angry because a girl chooses to be with someone they consider to be a jerk or a douchebag. Every story has 2 sides to it, and while some people are "bad" and some "good" most people are varying shades of grey. The idea that "nice guys" "nice girls" "filthy tramps" and "douchebags" are set in stone to me is pretty ridiculous, and it speaks a LOT to me about how nice a "nice guy" is when they talk in those absolutes in such a fashion.

I think many "nice guys" may CONSIDER themselves nice guys, but EVERYONE considers themselves a nice guy. Most of the time when I hear complaints from nice guys about how girls aren't bright enough to stop going out with douchebags it sends up red signals like crazy. To me it's like "Ok, you're angry because they girl isn't bright enough to choose "nice guys" to go out with and instead end up with "douchebags"?" To me it's just very telling.

Of course, not saying nice guys don't exist. But when the nice guy is so inwardly (and sometimes outwardly) negative to that degree, I think it's mostly an act to get girls, which is odd because they are complaining about how nice guys DON'T get girls... To me it feels like a person trying to be manipulative, but not knowing how to go about it properly.


Not directing that rant to anyone in particular here, I've just seen it MANY times before and this is what I've come to think when I do see it.
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Old 09-13-2010, 11:31 AM   #9
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

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Originally Posted by AnarchoELK View Post
I always get confused when the nice guy complains or is angry because a girl chooses to be with someone they consider to be a jerk or a douchebag. Every story has 2 sides to it, and while some people are "bad" and some "good" most people are varying shades of grey. The idea that "nice guys" "nice girls" "filthy tramps" and "douchebags" are set in stone to me is pretty ridiculous, and it speaks a LOT to me about how nice a "nice guy" is when they talk in those absolutes in such a fashion.

I think many "nice guys" may CONSIDER themselves nice guys, but EVERYONE considers themselves a nice guy. Most of the time when I hear complaints from nice guys about how girls aren't bright enough to stop going out with douchebags it sends up red signals like crazy. To me it's like "Ok, you're angry because they girl isn't bright enough to choose "nice guys" to go out with and instead end up with "douchebags"?" To me it's just very telling.

Of course, not saying nice guys don't exist. But when the nice guy is so inwardly (and sometimes outwardly) negative to that degree, I think it's mostly an act to get girls, which is odd because they are complaining about how nice guys DON'T get girls... To me it feels like a person trying to be manipulative, but not knowing how to go about it properly.


Not directing that rant to anyone in particular here, I've just seen it MANY times before and this is what I've come to think when I do see it.
In my defense, when I said that even the good girls aren't perfect and have flaws, I was implying that for good guys too, and I know that everyone has some "bad" in them. However, I firmly believe that some people are nicer than others, and that often we find poor matchups in relationships in which a girl or guy who is actually trying to make things work ends up with a girl or guy who just wants to use their partner or simply doesn't care. It's nice to see differing opinions though.
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Old 09-13-2010, 04:25 PM   #10
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

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Originally Posted by AnarchoELK View Post
I always get confused when the nice guy complains or is angry because a girl chooses to be with someone they consider to be a jerk or a douchebag. Every story has 2 sides to it, and while some people are "bad" and some "good" most people are varying shades of grey. The idea that "nice guys" "nice girls" "filthy tramps" and "douchebags" are set in stone to me is pretty ridiculous, and it speaks a LOT to me about how nice a "nice guy" is when they talk in those absolutes in such a fashion.

I think many "nice guys" may CONSIDER themselves nice guys, but EVERYONE considers themselves a nice guy. Most of the time when I hear complaints from nice guys about how girls aren't bright enough to stop going out with douchebags it sends up red signals like crazy. To me it's like "Ok, you're angry because they girl isn't bright enough to choose "nice guys" to go out with and instead end up with "douchebags"?" To me it's just very telling.

Of course, not saying nice guys don't exist. But when the nice guy is so inwardly (and sometimes outwardly) negative to that degree, I think it's mostly an act to get girls, which is odd because they are complaining about how nice guys DON'T get girls... To me it feels like a person trying to be manipulative, but not knowing how to go about it properly.


Not directing that rant to anyone in particular here, I've just seen it MANY times before and this is what I've come to think when I do see it.
~ Im with AnarchoELK here
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Old 09-21-2010, 09:07 AM   #11
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

Want the nice girl? Here's some advice: she, like other girls, doesn't want a nice or a naughty guy, just the guy that another girl is already with. Hire a "professional" lady to accompany you where you usually see the good girl of your intention. (Yeah, her extra bath, clothes, and time will cost you extra. Deal with it. Remember, she's used to getting paid for undressing and getting dirty, not the opposite.) Let the good girl see how attentive you are, how respectful and just plain nice. Three or four times, then show up alone. If good girl asks, act sad and say it just wasn't working out. If she doesn't ask, call up your professional and try a date on her normal terms--it'll be cheaper this time, and probably more fun. ;-p
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Old 09-21-2010, 10:19 PM   #12
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

>>
<<

I know my statement is gonna be just completely empty on the subject. But both sides of the argument are both wrong AND right. Like what Molly-chan said before, girls think differently, guys too, from MY POINT OF VEIW, it seems like girls either are hoping to change the "bad guy" image that everyone else sees in their special someone, that or feel they themselves are special because they "see something good about him". Now some girls are just "meh" and go for whatever peeks her interest in the slightest, bad boy or prince charming, then we have the fairy tale kind who just want the perfect romance, and highly ideal family life style, grow old together have 2-3 kids, who are college graduates me and such... which is nice but then some girls lose that idea and end up going for the bad boys thus betraying their spouse, and it's not just the girls, guys do it too, and you can't say "especially men/women" because... frankly it's a "I rule, you drool"-argument.

Now I'm no super special expert on dating, heck, I've been abandoned and cheated on with my best friend, and i have whacked standards when it comes to both girls and guys (I always fall for girls who don't want kids for some reason...) I'm the LAST person you wanna look toward for how to find your "special someone".

In short, it's really ALL just "Spur of the moment.... or "love at first sight" (which isn't any better, it just means you oogled them before you actually knew them you dirty, dirty person you....).

I say screw trying to impress them, let them come to you, getting girls (or guys in some of our cases) is not worth the hassle.

-ducks a dart-
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Old 09-22-2010, 01:07 AM   #13
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

my advice is go after slightly older girls . . . . . but dont go to up there in the age brackets
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Old 09-22-2010, 02:04 AM   #14
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

Haha, okay so I totally just got around to reading this and Mist, you totally described my ex in that last bit about the ###### (Lovely girl). Spot on, actually. Coincidence, I think not (lol, she was totally a skank). If you want my opinion though, here goes...

I don't think any two people can fit into the same stereotype as 'good' or 'bad', as far as dating is concerned. Sure, there are some nice guys out there, sure there are some nice girls out there and vice versa for bad ones, but I don't think it is as horrid as you've made it seem. I mean, when I was with my ex, I was more protective and I guess in this scenario you could say "douchey" when other guys got in the room, but I'm not normally like that. It's more of a caveman instinct to be alpha. I think a lot of guys appear to be douches when another male is around because just the same, when you are thinking she's too good for him, he's thinking back off dude. So the douche-baggery comes out. I understand this isn't the case and some dudes are totally just bananas and ridiculous, but in the same light and to be fair, lots of guys have softer sides too, even if the outward appearance and actions that outsiders see are different.

As for girls, just like any other capable thinking human, they can appear to be something they are not. Every girl is different. One seemingly "nice" girl can totally have a side you don't know, or just be into what someone else has to offer more than another guy. I agree with the post above me, a lot of the time you are going to find girls don't know what they want. They are too young and generally inexperienced with the dating world (women are much better, and when I say women, I mean a female who has matured emotionally and socially, not just age-wise, like I said, every girl is different). I think this is in most cases when you see Nice Girl A with Bad Guy B. Those things usually are temporary and don't last.

Overall, I think this is really on a person-to-person basis. Yeah, it sucks when a girl chooses someone you don't think she should, but maybe she just needs someone to show her a better option. I mean, if the guy is truly a douchebag, she'll figure it out. Like Molly said, a girl just wants to be cared for. If a guy can show her that she is his whole world, that's usually the anchor. Of course, you have to follow through and provide for her, but that is just common sense, on a strict emotional level, generally you just need to appreciate the other and, well, love them. ^_^

Okay, I'm done. Hope that opened some new windows for you or anyone in despair about this kinda thing. Twillÿ out, yo. Like Fuko Ibuki up in this sandcastle.
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:55 AM   #15
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

Look, there's a reason prostitution is called "the oldest profession." It's so much simpler than a continuing relationship, also a lot less work and much cheaper in the long run. Not that I condone such, I'm just old and experienced enough to recognize its practicality and sympathize with the viewpoints of ALL involved or affected.

That said, relationships can be more challenging for men, especially initially. Women tend to develop more complex social networks than men; because of this, women often read more into other people's actions and words than a man might. He's speaking in an AB vocabulary, but she's hearing ABCDE. No wonder he's confused and maybe even a little intimidated. She's wondering about nuances, he's just wondering "wtf?" I've been married more than two decades. Yeah, I can finish her sentences now, but believe me, there's now way in h_ll I could ever start one of those same sentences!
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:10 AM   #16
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

Ok, just can't help but play devil's advocate here. Also this has been a sad sad clod of nonsense and babble to have to read through and I demand some form of compensation for my time wasted in reading this thread at all in the first place. D:< (You know... just in case anyone is wondering why I'm posting at all; other than the obvious reason of reveling in being an intentional jerk. ...I know... no one actually cares, but too late you've already wasted your time reading this! >:D)

You seem to have overlooked one very major problem in this assessment, your own perspective on the matter. Good girls don't go for bad guys. Smart girls don't go for bad guys. Stupid, naive, and arguably "innocent" girls go for bad guys because they don't know better --but then what is ignorance if not a vice? A truly intelligent and respectable woman is nearly never caught dead with a guy dumber or less respectable than her. What you see as a "good" girl chasing after a bad guy is your own delusional goddess image hoisted upon some inappropriately sized pedestal being toppled over when its inevitably feeble foundations are swept out form under it: she was likely never a "good" person to begin with, you just seemed to think so. In other words, your standards of what makes a "good girl" are just skewed, and possibly entirely sub-par to begin with.

So again, I assert that the biggest flaw in the calculation here was yourself. The problem lies not in some cruel, melodramatic, soapopera-esque, social dynamic in which good girls are drawn to, and subsequently ruined by bad guys. The problem in fact lies in you, yourself, and your need to attempt to rationalize and rectify your own sorry and jaded perception through a contrived, amateurish, cold reading of a demographic you yourself can't even begin to draw proper boundaries around, and masquerading said vague generalization as an educated attempt at a social dichotomy, resulting ultimately in self-delusional theatrics aimed at preying upon the sympathies of other such sorry subjects as yourself in order to cobble together a safety blanket from the empty positive reinforcement of your peers.
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:24 AM   #17
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

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Ok, just can't help but play devil's advocate here. Also this has been a sad sad clod of nonsense and babble to have to read through and I demand some form of compensation for my time wasted in reading this thread at all in the first place. D:< (You know... just in case anyone is wondering why I'm posting at all; other than the obvious reason of reveling in being an intentional jerk. ...I know... no one actually cares, but too late you've already wasted your time reading this! >:D)

You seem to have overlooked one very major problem in this assessment, your own perspective on the matter. Good girls don't go for bad guys. Smart girls don't go for bad guys. Stupid, naive, and arguably "innocent" girls go for bad guys because they don't know better --but then what is ignorance if not a vice? A truly intelligent and respectable woman is nearly never caught dead with a guy dumber or less respectable than her. What you see as a "good" girl chasing after a bad guy is your own delusional goddess image hoisted upon some inappropriately sized pedestal being toppled over when its inevitably feeble foundations are swept out form under it: she was likely never a "good" person to begin with, you just seemed to think so. In other words, your standards of what makes a "good girl" are just skewed, and possibly entirely sub-par to begin with.

So again, I assert that the biggest flaw in the calculation here was yourself. The problem lies not in some cruel, melodramatic, soapopera-esque, social dynamic in which good girls are drawn to, and subsequently ruined by bad guys. The problem in fact lies in you, yourself, and your need to attempt to rationalize and rectify your own sorry and jaded perception through a contrived, amateurish, cold reading of a demographic you yourself can't even begin to draw proper boundaries around, and masquerading said vague generalization as an educated attempt at a social dichotomy, resulting ultimately in self-delusional theatrics aimed at preying upon the sympathies of other such sorry subjects as yourself in order to cobble together a safety blanket from the empty positive reinforcement of your peers.
You're not playing devil's advocate at all, since every single person who has posted so far disagreed with my philosophy :P
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:34 AM   #18
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

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You're not playing devil's advocate at all, since every single person who has posted so far disagreed with my philosophy :P
Actually, Levi, I'll readily agree that nice guys get screwed over and otherwise ignored because they're nice. (At least, that's part of what I think you said originally.) I'll also agree with Bismarck that perspective might easily be an unrecognized but dominant factor. Both seem valid points: the latter, intellectually; the former, by empirical observation.
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Old 09-22-2010, 03:23 PM   #19
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

Devil's advocate just means I'm stating an opinion other than my own for the sake of disagreement or argument: it has nothing to do with the general consensus. It was supposed to be ironic in that I critiqued your opening cold reading as a poor one with an equally baseless one of my own, though intentionally so with the goal of coming off as sarcastic. Looking back however, the tone of the whole thing doesn't come across very well in text alone. :\
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Old 09-22-2010, 08:35 PM   #20
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Re: Why the jerks/bad dudes always get the best women and more: My philosophy + rant

Well, some interesting posta here: a few enabling, a few not. Levi, I'm assuming you got dumped. It hurts but with time you'll pick up the pieces in your head and heart and move forward. All women are different, for them all guys are different. It has been that way since the beginning of time. Self-help relationship books are a crap shoot as are advice columns in media outlets. Some of that advice is relevant for an individual while the rest of it is bunk. You need to figure out the top 4 qualities you are looking for in a person that you would like to get to know. If you add more qualities, like top 10, be careful as the probability of meeting such a person with that much criteria diminishes exponentially.

I don't know if you're looking for just a friend or a life partner. I do know once you start your quest for "that special person" you will be going on an amazing Life journey. You are going to "grow". This will be better than a game. This will be an epic adventure with you as the main protagonist. If you dare, try e-Harmony.com. It worked for me. I found my wife there on that site almost 5 years ago and am still happily married. It took darn near 30 years to find this lady. I won't bore you with my bio but it was worth the wait. Good luck!

If you want to figure out where you stand compared to other folks in your age group or cohort you might look up the book Passages by Gail Sheehey. It's been out about 20 years but the info is still revelant. The book breaks down the expectations of people according to age cohorts. It's not the end of the world if you make it through your twenties and are still unattached.
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