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Old 02-16-2012, 11:03 PM   #6
homie_jiraiya's Avatar
Join Date: May 2010
Location: space oklahoma
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homie_jiraiya is meh
Re: Bittersweet Violin

too many repeated words, the more descriptive termsneed to be first then the nondescript( ie glass should be something like chalice or grail or goblet)
second order of the dragon was led by dracula
third the name would be dracul not dragos
it was the turks nopt the church that were against dracula
the man van helsing was not born
until the early 1900s

i suppose as a n early attempt it would be ok but you seriously need to find a good editor ar thesaurus
eternaly nerdy homie_jiraiya

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