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-   -   My Sun (original poem) (http://918thefan.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2143)

littlefileuser 06-21-2011 03:33 AM

My Sun (original poem)
 
I was extremely inspired. As you can tell, by nature. I have two other short-quick poems that I'd like to submit so please check them out as well as my first. I'd really want input on these as I've only just begun again to write this crap. Another free verse. You may think this an interesting idea, I sort of do. I want to know if the message is clear and other personal inputs, hm? Sorry for so many posts here guys.
Sparkling, enticing, I want to touch.
Like a star, but impossible to reach.
You're too far away, Pavel, it's difficult to think.
Your undying existence to me, though, is what keeps me with you.

I know you're there,
though I can't see your face.
Your shape, your figure;
I am blinded by the light.
You forbid me to sleep,
You replace the Sun;
It isn't 'til you leave may I am allowed to go.
You lock me in a house, my love, but I am so glad.
If you are my Sun, dear, then I don't need the world's.
I may edit this some more.

Leviathan Mist 06-21-2011 04:03 AM

Re: My Sun (original poem)
 
Nicely done. Who is Pavel?

Also, why haven't you made an intro topic yet in the introductions forum? :o

littlefileuser 06-21-2011 04:49 AM

Re: My Sun (original poem)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Leviathan Mist (Post 30138)
Nicely done. Who is Pavel?

Also, why haven't you made an intro topic yet in the introductions forum? :o

Thank you, and at this time. :) It's 6:44 AM here so I really appreciate this.
and Pavel is my ex-boyfriend's name. We are kind of suffering right now xD but I'm too optimistic to be down. :P
I've made this account long ago; I think I did. But if not was probably because I think the forum wouldn't allow. I'll do it again though since those introductions are always fun. :)

EagleEyes 06-21-2011 04:50 AM

Re: My Sun (original poem)
 
Keep them coming!

littlefileuser 06-21-2011 05:09 AM

Re: My Sun (original poem)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by EagleEyes (Post 30141)
Keep them coming!

You are too wonderful, thank you for the support :)


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