Hey, everyone: we made it. The final episode! In light of this momentous occasion, Shiki has even broken with the episode naming conventions. Whoa, Shiki! Slow down before you hurt yourself!

Abandoned in the woods (in a suitcase), Sunako wakes. Afraid, bewildered, she takes off running, presumably to find her Monky mate. Meanwhile, Cat Ear Hair Werewolf Dude runs from another crowd of hunters. He’s shot, flips end-over-end (reminds me of that scene from Watership Down, you know?) and is hit by a car. But joke’s on them – he steals the car and drives off. Until he crashes it and gets shot some more.

Megumi fantasizes about getting the heck outta Dodge. The Doc lectures his hunters for not staking CEHWD. Sunako cries. The hunters hear her. She runs again. Monk…dies? The Doc and some other guy head out to fight the fire raging at Yamairi.

Hey, Shiki fans: why did the Megumi cross the road? To draw attention to herself so the hunter would be able to stake her, obviously!

The fire can’t be helped. Yuuki makes a sad face at the corpses of his former friends. Megumi begs for her life and is run over by tractors (sort of an ironic touch, no?). She makes a hysterical speech about how much she hates the sleepy town of Sotoba, so someone runs over her head with a tractor. Yikes. Then they stake her.

CEHWD isn’t dead (SHOCKER). Instead he and Yuuki prepare to face off. Sunako is sighted in the woods. She runs. The Doc urges the townspeople to get to burnin’ bodies, even the women and children have to help toss ‘em on the pyre and clean up the mess. Nobody leaves! Everyone works! That’s the rules!

Yuuki, dead-eyed and morose, half-heartedly fights CEHWD. Sunako ends up at the secret place she once shared with Monk. The forest burns. Yuuki admits he’s not pro-human, just vehemently anti-Shiki. My favorite bearded geezer catches Sunako. The fire comes closer. Sunako tries to fight but he head-butts her into submission. After a lecture on morality, he…is killed by the Monk?! NOOOOOOOOOO!

Yuuki and CEHWD fight their way into a pit of dead bodies (gross). Yuuki pulls some dynamite from his pocket and blows them up. Sunako and the Monk opt to die by fire in the burning chapel. OR DO THEY? Actually the Monk opts to get out of town via car and he’s got a box in the back seat. Gee, I wonder?

The Doc and some other survivors flee their burning village. The Doc wonders if anything he’s done matters. Seishirou wanders into the burning mansion.

During the ED, we find out Akira and Kaori make it, somewhat; she’s in a sort of trance at the hospital in one scene but I guess snaps out of it later. They run into Yuuki’s dad and some chick who’s name and story I forgot (the one who owned a store? with the sick mom?) on the bus. Small talk is probably awkward. The End.

Shiki gives us little nibbles of things that could be interesting (the Doc questioning his efforts, Yuuki’s admission that he’s not on the human’s side per se, Akira and Kaori making it out alive), but ultimately abandons these things in favor of blood and squishy sounds and absolutely nothing surprising. Which is about what I expected from the finale, since that’s how the series has been all along.

I love to make fun of Shiki (obviously), and while I think the story could use a major overhaul, I have to admit it’s not terrible. It’s not unwatchable. Great? No. Good? No. Average? Yeah, I guess I’d call it average. I feel like a mom after my kid has brought home a bad report card: I’m not upset, I’m just disappointed. Shiki, my dear, I know you could have done better but you didn’t bother to push yourself.

What did you think about Shiki overall? Would you recommend it? Do you give Shiki an A for effort? Maybe a B for gooey blood sounds?

Welcome to the second-to-last episode of Shiki and the latest installment of the human-on-vampire bloodbath. They’re dropping like flies!

I’ll be honest, the opening scene with all the villagers stacking bloody bodies and re-staking the ones that aren’t quite dead and then taking a break to drink tea and chit-chat gives me the creeps. It’s a bit frightening to see how quickly people adapt to killing their (former) friends and neighbors. It’s a good touch, for sure, but still creepy. Guys, promise if I get vamp’d you’ll at least spare a moment to feel bad before staking me?

Oh, poop. Bad news. My favorite butch nurse got eaten by wild dogs and/or werewolves in wolf form. Shoot. What an undiginifed way to go for such a classy broad.

Still in the basement, Sunako continues carrying on about her impending death. She takes a break to talk to the Monk about his suicide attempt…and he answers in terms of SPOILER ALERTS for his unfinished novel. Which is how I answer questions, too. It’s a writer thing. No big deal.

Masao is still alive, but probably not for long (how do they not hear this fool splashing around in the river and talking to himself?). He goes to see his sister and begs for her help. I hope she stakes him. All that stuff I said before about the ease of killing be creepy, I totally take back.

As dawn approaches, the vampires decide to start fighting back instead of just being killed off. I dunno, I feel like that would have been my first strategy, you know? Why wait so long? The plan isn’t foolproof, though. Seishirou shows up, all moody and upset, and shoots Yoshie the Werewolf just as she’s off to wreak havoc. I might have missed the scene where he had a change of heart. Though he does have bite marks on his arm. Why would a vampire want him to kill werewolves? Unless Yuuki bit him? Or whoever bit him doesn’t care which werewolves get killed as long as Yuuki is one of them? Shiki, you make my brain all twisty.

Oh! Great news! My favorite nurse climbed up a tree and she’s (relatively) safe. Whew!!

She brings news that the vamps are holed up in Yamairi, so the Doc leads a team of killers to go do some killing. Papa Monk died as a vampire, sadface. Toru and Ritsuko are also among those killed. Then someone remembers that the manse has a basement and they head there for yet more killing. It’s sort of a crappy day to be undead.

Cat Ear Hair Dude puts Sunako in a suitcase (oh, anime…always putting girls in boxes) and insists that the Monk flee with her down some super secret path while CEHD distracts the mob. Monk asks why he’s so dedicated to Sunako and I find CEHD’s answer silly and unsatisfying, but whatever. Monk seems to like it.

The distraction works (humans are so dumb) and Monk takes the super secret open road to safety – which, shock of shocks, is not so secret nor very safe. He takes a different route and passes the Doc and his killin’ team…who promptly decide to chase after him. No really?

Monk heads for the temple and hides in a cupboard. When the killers show up and demand to know where he is, Monk’s family and friends plead ignorance – which is the truth, they haven’t seen him. But the killers don’t care for that answer so they declare them traitors and kill them. Monk comes out of hiding to find his loved ones slaughtered and decides to get moving again. Some guy attacks him with a cleaver, but he’s no match for our boy Monk, who escapes once again with the suitcase.

It’s not much of an escape, as he leaves an easy to follow blood trail, but he does manage to prolong the inevitable, so. He also abandons Sunako, presumably to the fury of the mob – though with night falling, maybe she’ll wake up and save herself.

One episode left!!! I imagine Shiki will end with more killing (and a forest fire, according to the preview) and all the vampires will be disposed of. That’s kind of a boring ending, but it seems to be what the series is building towards. Anything interesting will have to come from the way the characters face death (or not) and each other.

Who do you think will make it out alive? Who are we still going to lose?

This week we get a lot of blood and guts and sadness, so I’m forcing a little levity into the recap. Who can focus on presents with all this gore? Leave it to Shiki to try to ruin Christmas!

(If you don’t celebrate Christmas or resent the idea that Christmas is all about gift-getting, just imagine yourself trying to enjoy some other special occasion with this kind of madness in the background. Are you imagining it? It sucks, right? I know. I know!)

So the townspeople are searching the vamp stronghold and they’re all, oh man, where is everybody? And then they find one! And sunlight hits his skin and he EXPLODES!!!!! Well, not really. But kind of. A little explosion. So they stake him.

It’s rinse and repeat across the complex - they find vamps hidden and they drag them out and stake them. There’s lots of blood and mess and screaming. During the search, the Doc’s mother is found. She’s not a vampire, she’s been bloodily murdered as a sort of dig at the Doc (“your kind isn’t worth drinking…also DON’T MESS!”). We’ve been pretty well groomed to dislike the mother, but it’s still sad to see her dead like that. Sorry, Doc. That’s rough.

The Doc, of course, is kind of a genius (he’s a DOCTOR after all) so he follows a trail of bloody footprints upstairs. It’s Atsushi, apparently, who’s killed the Doc’s mom and his daddy is PISSED. Atsushi begs for forgiveness but Pops stakes him. And weeps. Aw, jeez, this episode is sad.

They bury all the bodies and Doc notes that there’s only twenty in the grave (…twenty mournings?) and he’s SURE there are more vamps than that running around. But where are they? The underground tunnel! Luckily Poseidon, King of the Sea, lives in Sotoba and has knowledge of the town’s irrigation tunnels. He’s all set to lead the mob to the pump house when he EXPLODES!!!!!

Well, kind of. Mr. Not-A-Vamp shoots him. And then he yammers on to Yuuki about how Shiki aren’t really any worse than people. I mean, people do crappy things to other people, and hunt people, and hurt people. Same difference! See, Mr. Not-A-Vamp wants to be a Shiki SO BAD. Which is weird, considering how much time he spends around Shiki. What’s taken them so long? What’s wrong with this guy that they don’t want him on their team, officially?

Meanwhile, night has fallen! Sunako wakes and immediately demands that they go find Seishiru (Mr. Not-A-Vamp) because he’s bound to have gone off his rocker. DING DING DING! Tell the little lady what she’s won, Bob!

Remember Toru and Butch Nurse and Ritsuko?Remember how they’re off away somewhere together? And he’s trying to convince Ritsuko to eat Butch Nurse but she won’t? Well, she still won’t. Or – she doesn’t want to. But it’s harder and harder to resist that sweet sweet blood. She tries to distract Toru while the door is open so Butch Nurse can get away, but Toru swats her aside like a skeeter. Ritsuko, crumpled on the floor, gives a valiant speech about her love of nursing and helping people, causing Toru’s tiny heart to grow three sizes so he lets Butch Nurse leave (also, this poor woman is in her freakin’ nightie – somebody let her borrow a shirt for goodness’ sake!).

Back in town, a few more vamps have been staked, and a few vamp-helpers have been discovered to be human, but under a vampy spell. Doc is not super excited about killing these helpers (remember, his buddy Monquette is one of them), but he hopes if they’re kept apart from the vamps long enough they’ll come back around. We’ll see.

Sunako continues to hide out with her domesticated Monk and CEHD, entertaining them with a morbid explanation of how much it would suck to be staked. Turns out, our little killer is afraid to die. That’s understandable, I guess, but I don’t feel that sorry for her. Something about this girl rubs me the wrong way, all the time, no matter what she’s doing. Even when she’s begging for her life and crying. Boo-freaking-hoo, lady.

The sun rises on another day in town. Doc is exhausted, out of ideas, struggling to keep his hold on the mob and his own sanity. Then a villager wanders into the shrine, sunken-eyed and sad. Doc’s spider sense tingles, but it’s too late. The villager shoots and kills a random lady that we don’t much care about (wow, Shiki, way to up the ante) before my favorite bearded behemoth takes him down.

Only two episodes left. Two episodes for the Doc to pull it together or lose it forever. Two episodes for Yuuki to make himself relevant again. Two episodes for the Monk to finish his novel. Two episodes for whatever is coming to come.

Are you ready?

We’re getting down to the wire and Shiki is done messing around. THERE WILL BE BLOOD.

So, the blonde lady-vamp has been beaten by the mob (no sparkle-tears here, people) and the Doc is all set to stake her. But then! She pops up! Tries to bite him! Epically bearded liquor store owner to the rescue!! Megumi’s papa is the one who ends up staking her and makes a gruesome bloody mess of it. Better than being tortured to death, a la Mrs. Doctor, but still rather unseemly.

Then the Doc makes a big speech about the Shiki and needing to band together and hunt them down. Despite what they’d seen and heard, the townspeople seem a bit reluctant to get involved. Uh, hello? Vampires on the loose? Killing off your whole town?

Back at Vamp HQ, Cat Ear Hair Dude tells Sunako about the lady-vamp’s death and advocates getting the heck out of Dodge. Perhaps he is not as dumb as he looks? Sunako argues against leaving, makes Angry Face and orders the Doc killed. I’d hate to be him right now, oh boy!

In town, the Doc gives a lecture about how to kill vampires. The townspeople are not super eager to go around staking people, especially people they may have once loved, which i totally understand. But still – vampires? On the loose? Killing everyone?

Anyway, with or without the full support of the town: THE HUNT BEGINS AT DAWN!!!!

The women go around to spread the word and check into suspicious activity. There’s plenty of that, don’t worry. Meanwhile, the vamps have a big vampy meeting and then tromp around town. Megumi ends up with Masao and rips into him when he suggests running away together. My favorite scene yet? Might be!

Back at the shack in the woods, Ritsuko continues to fight her hunger. Toru has brought her my favorite buxom nurse as a little snack. NOOOO! Run, buxom nurse! Run! She can’t end up as vampire take-out, she just can’t!

Meanwhile, Kaori snaps out of her trance and decides to kick some vampire butt. ‘Bout time! She beats someone to death with a baseball bat. Her dad maybe? That’s sad.

The vamps are understandably concerned about what awaits them when the sun rises – they’ll be sleeping and vulnerable, after all. CEHD makes Capt. Von Monk promise to keep Sunako safe and hidden. He agrees, and then also lets CEHD feed on him. Like, totally gross, omg. What if his hair is contageous?

Down in the safety of the basement (I guess), Sunako is all, Tell me a story! Talk to me about your story! Answer my questions! Oh, OK, fine, I’ll answer my own questions! And El Monk thinks to himself, your theory is garbage, but out loud he’s like, “oh yeah, yeah, good one, totally.”

The villagers break into the Shiki clinic and find some unrisen corpses. It’s not shown, but I imagine they get staked. Likewise every vamp dumb enough to be caught outside. (Turns out, the villagers don’t have much trouble with the killing of vampires.)

Other villagers bust (literally) into the vampire stronghold of Kanemasa and make a big mess of the place. Presumably after they’re done trashing the joint they’ll go off in search of more things to kill. Like Frere Monque, who waits quietly in the basement for death. Heckuva protector, that guy!

So we’re getting to the meat of the Epic Battle Between Good and Evil, or something. Only three episodes left and I feel like the vamps don’t have much of a chance, but what do I know? I’d like to think that Shiki is setting us up to explore what “good” and “evil” really mean and if things are ever so black and white – we’ll see how it shapes up in the end.

Do you think the vampires will be victorious or slaughtered by the villagers? (And also, is it just me or is it harder to root for the “good” guys, with all the murdering going on?)

Last week I was all, “Where’s everybody at?” And this week Shiki was like, “Chill, girl. In time all will be revealed. Actually, not all, but some. I mean, a little. More than nothing. You’re welcome!”

After the OP, we see the Cat Ear Hair Dude marching off to Yuuki’s house, dressed to Do Business in a singularly epic red jumpsuit with horned shoulderpads. Papa Yuuki lunges at him from behind the door and stabs him, cackling in an unhinged way (so here’s one more that isn’t dead, but he seems to have been driven mad by grief). He thinks he’s killed CEHD, but of course it’s not that easy. Papa Yuuki drools on the wall a little (not a euphemism) and then invites CEHD in for tea for Baby Yuuki. Aw, jeez.

Here we get a gamechanger. Sort of. Guess who’s not actually a vampire? Guess who is, in fact, a werewolf? Yep, it’s Yuuki (and also CEHD, not very subtle). CEHD reveals this (and then hints at Akira’s death) hoping to get a rise out of Yuuki, who answers in a catatonic monotone. CEGD realizes this is because Yuuki hasn’t been feeding and that makes him angry. Super angry. Why he cares, I am not sure, but he does. Apparently the littler girl loooooves doggies.

Meanwhile, in a shed in the woods, Ritsuko (the green-haired nurse) wakes up, undead. Toru and the Vampire College house mother, Yoshie, welcome her back to unlife and then Toru is left to teach her the ropes of being newly risen. Ritsuko, for her part, is not super excited about this new switch and tells Toru she’s not going to eat anyone, every if it means starving to death. Toru (who said that once and has since eaten PLENTY of people) is all, “YEAH RIGHT GIRL! Good luck with that!”

The Doc (not quite dead, but not loving life) has settled in as a happy helper to the main vamp lady. Well, not exactly happy, but he’s helping her our and revising all his charts to reflect zero deaths. Wait till the ethics board hears about that one! Then lady-vamp gushes about how, like, totally awesome it will be when, like, everyone is a Shiki and, like, she can, like, totally go shopping! Then the Doc decides he has a thing for her (or maybe just her cleavage) so he asks her out on a date. He comes up with an excuse in case anyone wonders why they’re out together (she’s so clumsy) and she’s soooo excited to go out and see the festival and show off her pretend injury and she and the Doc can bicker just like a normal doctor and patient out on a date. Totally!

Ms. Vamp is a little freaked out about the religious aspects of the festival and I guess can’t get too close to the temple and such without something terrible happening, but the Doc convinces her to suck it up and go. Apparently there are a LOT of people still alive in Sotoba and they’re all SUPER excited to see the Doc and his ladyfriend. Until she has a little meltdown and the the Doc tries to get her to go into the shrine’s office. But then she sees Doc’s bite marks (that, uh, she put there?) and freaks out MORE. And then the Doc is like, “oh yeah, that lady? She totally killed everyone. GET HER!”

And they do.

…Until the Vamp Bodyguard Squad shows up to rescue her. Well, kind of. The driver of the getaway car sees his still-living dad and has his OWN freak-out and rushs away, leaving the lady vamp to fend for herself against an angry crowd. Dun dun dunnn!

I’m glad that the Doc has totally given up and gone to the dark side. And I’m glad that we got a little more information about Yuuki’s situation, even though it’s not really helpful or vital to the plot at this point. Still, it’s episode 18 and we’re getting some baby steps toward a potentially interesting resolution for the series. I’ll take it.

How do you feel about these revelations? Did you know the Doc was still on the side of good? Or did you get tricked by tricksy, tricksy Shiki like I did?

Other possible episode titles: Seventeen Bad Decisions. Seventeen People Who I Thought Would Live Through This Series But Won’t. Seventeen WTF Moments. Seventeen Hundred Lingering Questions. Sotoba: Population Seventeen (Or Less).

Remember that whole Doc killing his undead wife thing? Turns out, Monkenstein is still feeling pretty bad about being friends with a murderer – and also feeling bad that he considers it murder. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Meeting up with Toru in the woods doesn’t help matters; he’s just as confused and conflicted about his need to kill to feed. Characters in legit conflict? No easy answers? Huh. Maybe there’s hope for Shiki yet.

Back at home base, we learn that one of the volunteers has died. And also Daddy Monk is…gone. Weird, considering how obviously ill he is. After snooping a bit, Baby Monk finds a creepy letter on Daddy’s computer, inviting the Kirishikis to come for dinner. What’s on the menu? DADDY MONK, OF COURSE. Yikes.

Meanwhile more and more people are falling ill, and now Doc’s decided to deny that it’s an epidemic. Interesting game plan – the green-haired nurse thinks so, too. She wants to know, “What’s up, Doc?” but he doesn’t have an answer and she wanders away unsatisfied and probably ready to quit her job.

Later, a very dirty deranged Kaori shows up at Casa del Monk and tries to eat a shovel. Or something. Given that her whole family is dying off one after another, she’s pretty freaked out about her chances of survival. She’s even dug her own grave already. Let’s revisit that: she’s dug her own grave. Yikes. YIKES.

Unfortunately Baby Monk isn’t able to offer much in terms of comfort, just the usual mumbo-jumbo about how no one can predict these things and blahdy blah. I dunno, I figure when everyone around you is dying, maybe thinking your time is near is not so far off? Sick with himself, or something, Baby Monk heads to the vampire lair to have a discussion or get eaten or something.

Shots of Yuuki! Running through the woods! Legs pumping! Coat flapping! To where? From what? Who cares! Go, Yuuki, go!

The green-haired nurse gets a call from another nurse that she’s in trouble, and rushes to her friend’s aid. She almost gets hit by a bus and…wait? Was that the nurse who called her for help? Inside the truck? Bound and gagged? This is cause for alarm, I think, but the green-haired nurse chooses instead to get all catatonic and allow some vamps to feed on her. What is going on?!

The head lady vampire shows up to visit the Doc in her best outfit yet (looks just like my prom dress). He tries to stake her, but her hubby intervenes. (Did anyone else not realize the hubs is human and not a vampire? I missed that little detail completely.) She goads the Doc into having a little tantrum about how stupid all the other villagers are and how he’s sick of being the only smart one and maybe he’ll just be stupid for awhile…and then he lets her bite him.

Are you kidding me? I mean, seriously. SERIOUSLY.

Suffice to say this did not go AT ALL in the direction I anticipated it would. I guess that’s a good thing, but it’s also a totally confusing thing. I mean, what kind of person actively fights against an Evil Thing and then one day just says, “oh, heck, you win, I’ll be an Evil Thing, too.” WHO DOES THAT? I don’t even know what this series is about anymore. It’s clearly not a fight against vampires. They won!

Who’s even alive anymore? Kaori for the time being (girl’s going to give herself a heart attack from all the stress if the vamps don’t get her). Mommy Monk. My favorite butch nurse. The dog? I can’t even think of five characters. Who else am I missing?

In this episode we learn that vampires are lonely and sometimes killing people they love makes them sad. (But not sad enough not to do it, apparently.) I say: Boo hoo, vampires. BOO HOO.

We get a bit of backstory about our creepy little girl vampire: she was rich and happy and then got bit by the male boss vamp. Why? Dunno. We didn’t get that part of the story, just the part about how she had a whole bunch of servants and a big house. You know, the important part.

We also get a little of Nao’s story: abandoned by her loser parents as a young girl, she finally finds love with her husband and his family…before, you know, vamping them. Only none of them rose to be with her as she hoped they would. Which is pretty sad, actually.

Meanwhile, Toru got “summoned” by the little girl and he’s shaking in his boots over it. Apparently she’s got quite a reputation for being cruel. Yeah, whatever – cruel and two feet tall. She doesn’t punish him just yet; instead we get some more of her story. She woke up in a coffin and screamed until someone came to help her. And then she ate him. No good deed goes unpunished, folks! Somebody took her in again (I mean, they shut her up in a shed alone) and fed her a steady diet of servant women. When she escaped and returned to the house, though, they were gone. She looks and looks and looks for her family, but never finds them and enough time passes that a mortal human’s life would have long ended. Aww, sad.

So Toru hears this story and he’s like, wtf? What do I care? And she’s like, hey dude, just making conversation.

Later, Megumi is skipping along a path singing to herself about how happy she is to be eating so many people (this is not hyperbole, for serious) and comes across Kaori and Akira’s dead daddy. He’s risen, see, and is not super receptive the idea that he go munch on the rest of his family. I am shocked by his reluctance! Shocked I say!

But Papa can’t stay away. He goes home to see his wife and kids, but can’t get in because he’s dead and no one invited him. The barking dog wakes up Mama, and Papa is like, hey! It’s me! Can I come in? And Mama is like, NO FREAKIN’ WAY YOU CRAZY ZOMBIE! So he eats her. But he feels super bad about it, I’m sure.

The next morning the kids are all, why did we sleep late? Where’s Mom? Where’s my breakfast? How come Mom looks so anemic? Are we next? Why is Megumi such an epic jerk? Does this mean we don’t have to go to school anymore? Can we fight vampires now or what?

Yuuki comes back (and wearing that ridiculous coat) to have a powwow with the Doc about their options. Uh, fight or die? Those are the options, right? Yuuki wants to help with the killing, but also admits that he’ll have to be killed too before the fight is over. You had me at hello, Yuuki.

Akira gets all gung-ho to fight vampires on his own and breaks into a house to kill one. For being undead and strong and such, they’re pretty easy to kill. He even had time to give a whole big speech! Oh, wait, just kidding. He actually gets tied up by Cat Ear Hair Dude and left as a snack for the very vamp he intended to kill. Didn’t except a sneaky vampire to go sneaking around in the dark, did ya? Did ya??

This is going to sound strange coming from me and it pains me even to say it, but I wish Yuuki was around more. I know, I know, he’s an insufferable, melodramatic character, but until very recently he felt like the focal character (he, the Doc and Monquitto are our three musketeers). Yuuki’s experiences were our experiences. He was the character through which we viewed the show, more or less. And now he’s completely abandoned us and I feel disoriented. Instead of a character to relate to, we’re left with some boring secondary characters and too many questions. Where does he go? What is he up to? How come he can go out during the day? Where did he find that hideous coat?

Do you miss Yuuki? Or is Shiki better off without him now? (Leaving aside the obvious answer that Shiki would have been better off without him from the very beginning, let’s just work with what we’ve got.)

With Episode 15, Shiki shows us that it’s not afraid to be boring. How edgy! How mysterious! How dark! Also, how sick am I of these episode titles? Really, really sick.

We pick up exactly where we left off: The Doc asks his old buddy Monk to help him clean up the mess, basically saying, “hey, what else was I supposed to do?” Monk isn’t falling for it – in case you might be confused about possible grey areas, it turns out murder is a big fat NO in his book. So instead he goes home and works on his novel and meditates on his character’s intentions behind killing his brother. Were there intentions? Is it murder if it’s unintentional? Shiki, you make my brain hurt with all these big questions. Let’s go back to making squishy, drippy blood noises.

Later – presumably after he’s cleaned up his wife’s remains and had a shower – the Doc chats with some of the boys down at the local watering hole. Mostly he just yammers on about death and people not being in their coffins and upsetting everyone. Doc, you are really no fun to be around anymore – and everyone in town clearly thinks you’re a loony.

Even more loony, the public health office is only open at night and is entirely staffed by VAMPIRES. And they’re all like, “dead? Nobody’s dead in this town, silly!” What is wrong with these guys? You’re undead! Take a holiday! Relax a little! The Doc doesn’t like it either, for entirely different reasons. He threatens to make a stink about the vampires, but then a silk curtain is pulled back to reveal…the head lady vampire? Lounging on a chaise? Threatening to eat him? Uhh…okay. Is this a thing in Japan, bosses lounging behind curtains, spying on their employees and threatening to kill guests? I’m just curious.

After the break, we get to meet the director of the new funeral parlor! Guess what? He’s a chocoholic mad hatter and the funerals he holds are grand spectacles. As someone who finds the ways in which people deal with death endlessly fascinating, I have to admit I’m digging this scene. The looks on his parents’ faces! Ha! And then Cat Ear Hair Guy, Captain Buzzkill, demands that the funerals become immediately de-flashified. Boo hiss!

The Doc’s wife’s funeral is pretty sad and tame, in comparison. Except for the part where one of the nurses has a total meltdown, but even that doesn’t seem so out of place at a funeral, you know? She later quits, but it’s not clear whether she quit because of the reasons she gave (the doctor’s apathy over the disappearance of her friend and coworker) or because she was going off to die like everyone else. I’m going to pretend she left to pursue better opportunities.

AND THEN YUUKI SHOWS UP! Guys, he’s not cremated after all! He doesn’t even look that dead, to be honest, but I guess he is. He asks the Doc if he believes Megumi died, and the Doc says, “yeah…but she’s still out and about, being an annoyance like always.” Then Yuuki gives him that trademark angsty glower and sings, “you are not alone, I’m always here with youuuu,” before walking off.

What? WHAT? That’s all we get, thirty seconds of Yuuki pretending to be mysterious at the end of the most boring episode ever? That’s all I get to tide me over until next time? That’s supposed to make me want to tune in for Episode 16 (Sixteenth Disappointment)? Are you kidding me? Seriously, am I being punked?

Oh, Shiki. Shiki, Shiki, Shiki. You are doing it SO WRONG.

Be honest: did this ending work for you? Does it make you want to keep watching? Or does it make you want to take a nap?

Despite all the dead bodies piling up and also, uh, un-piling-up (more than fourteen, I’m pretty sure!), life continues as usual for some of the citizens of Sotoba…

Little kids still fall and scrape their knees. Doctors lock their undead wives in rooms and wait on edge for them to wake up. Scheming grandmothers pit father against son. Epic facial hair unceasingly rules the day. Hot blonde ladies in sparkly low cut hot pants jumpsuits prowl the street. And a poor dumb man falls for the old “sexy vampire seduction” trick.

Everybody’s pretty sad and it’s really starting to bum me out. At least Awesome Mustache continues to fight the good fight! Oh, wait. He passes away and Junior Monken Cheese has to deliver the news to Papa “Crazy Eyes” Monk, but all Papa is interested in delivering the mail. Junior is all, “this isn’t my job! I’m a monk!” and Papa is all, *CRAZY EYES*, so Junior is like, “ok, sure thing, pops.”

Then Megumi visits Kaori and Akira’s house and freaks everybody out with the news that Daddy’s dead. This probably doesn’t freak them out as much as finding his dead body, though. But no prob, Mommy calls the new undertaker in town and they show up instantaneously. Now that’s service!

Back at Casa del Doctor, the Doc tries to eat his dinner in peace while his Mom runs her mouth and is generally unpleasant. The Doc muses that it’s been almost five days since his wife dies and he’s starting to get annoyed that she hasn’t Risen yet. So he goes to check on her and SCARYTHINGS and oh, wait, just a hallucination. Oh, wait, again, she’s actually sort of alive? Way to doctor, Doctor.

Ooh! Ooh! We finally get a little sneak-peek into the Vampire Camp! Guess what? They have a House Mom/RA named Yoshie who sends them all to bed when they get grumpy and dispenses advice when needed. Aww, it’s like Vampire College!

Anyway, Megumi is getting impatient that Yuuki hasn’t Risen. Yoshie very unhelpfully reminds her that things are different in big cities – you know, cremation and all. Then Masao wanders over to act like a jerk and Megumi slaps him around. Hey, no horseplay in Vampire College! Lights out!

But it’s not all bad news: Yoshie lets slip that Megumi could be assigned to a big city contingent of vampires. Yay, dream come true! Then we find out (because she has to explain it to Masao, who is a Risen but also totally out of the loop) that some Risens need to take field trips to the city because they can’t hunt in town, or something.

Cut to the Doc filming himself in his dead wife’s hospital room. There’s a couple directions this could go, all of them pretty gross. I vote torture. Torture?? Yes??

Cut AGAIN to the Doc calling the amazing nurse whose name I can never remember – and her house! While she’s asleep! In bed! With a man! In a sexy nightie! And makeup! (I mean, she’s in the nightie and makeup, not the man.) Nurse is kind of a sexpot, who knew? I’m officially off Team Torture and onto Team Hooray For Anime Characters Who Are Sexy And Don’t Look Like Children Or Ridiculous Parodies Of Conventional Beauty, or THFACWASADLLCORPOCB for short. Well, it’s a little shorter.

Back to the Doc. Aw, shoot. I guess I’m on Team I’ll Settle For Torture? First he does all kind of doctory experiments with blood and wifey wakes up but she’s scared and pathetic and unthreatening and now I think I should switch to Team No Torture…

Sooo…torture? He injects her with pesticides (yikes), shakes bells in her face to scare her, shows her religious idols, then cuts on her and sticks a drill in her brain and finally stakes her, all while she screams and struggles. Folks, this is maybe the darkest Shiki has ever been or will ever be.

Then Monkasaurus shows up and the Doc is like, oh hey come on in…TO MY OPERATING ROOM OF HORRORS! Back away slowly, dude. Back away slowly.

Sooo…torture. I have to admit, I thought for sure Shiki would totally botch this scene and make it horror-lite like everything else, but wow. It was pretty horrific. Looking back to the initial preview, Shiki sort of told us it would be bad, but my expectations are so low that I guess I didn’t put much stock in the warning. Wow. I feel gross for being so excited for it.

How do feel about the torture scene? Too gory? Not gory enough? Do you think this is a sign that Shiki is going to get dark for real or just an empty promise? Is “dark” a place where you want Shiki to even go?

Hey, everybody, remember those sad, empty weeks when no episodes of Shiki aired? Turns out it was all a tricksy plan to have episode 13 release near Halloween – and even better: everyone is in costume!

So we meet some of the background monks and The Monkerator (who’s dressed up like a monk, how lazy) fills us in on how the monastery wouldn’t function without all those nice villagers volunteering their time (how do you suppose volunteer attendance is faring, with the vampire takeover and all?), while his dad furiously presses his button and grumbles over how bad the service has gotten. Ooh, I see Papa has his costume on! Wait, don’t tell me – Hungry Zombie? Tired Old Man Waiting To Die?

Meanwhile Nao’s dad is brought to the clinic, sick of course – remember, he’s the only one from the lumber company left (and his Man With Mustache costume is amazing). AH HA! Now it makes sense, the vampires are trying to break into the lumber industry by killing off his family and neighbors and taking over his business! Of course! The Doc wants to keep him in the hospital, but he refuses because he needs to be able to tend to his Buddhist altar. The Doc is all, “I am completely skeptical of a man who wants to devote himself to religion after all his friends and family have died one after another – this has to be a vampire conspiracy!” But of course since the Doc said it we have to take it as the truth. Boooo-ring.

And then the Doc’s little wifey, dressed up as Sexy Wife, comes up sick. (Doc’s mom didn’t think to alert him to the fact until there had been no answer from Kyoko for 2 or 3 days. Good call, Mom – and I love your Mean Jerk costume!) Das Monken and the Doc have a conference call (awww, you guys) and Doc assures his buddy that he can handle protecting Kyoko by himself. Good thing, because Monk Sr. has gone totally nutso bananas and Monk Jr. doesn’t want to leave him alone.

Yuuki, I think, is going as Rip Van Winkle (or maybe Lazarus?) this year. Mostly he lays in bed and sleeps and dreams about running. Then Toru shows up for a little late-night makeout session/blood drinking and Yuuki wakes up for that, but still doesn’t move much. Toru seems to be weeping pearls, which I guess Yuuki is totally cool with. Hey, dude, save those and we’ll make a commitment necklace!

AND THEN YUUKI DIES. And Mama Yuuki takes off (or is eaten by vampires). She leaves Papa Yuuki a letter telling him that both of those things have happened. And he’s all, “Wife? Wife? Where are you? Have you been eaten? Oh yeah, I guess I should check on that kid we have. I mean had…he’s definitely dead now.”

Through the background characters we learn now that a new funeral home and a new clinic have opened, but I’m not sure why that’s significant yet. Probably vampires.

They finally let that deranged old guy out to visit his friend and all he does is look at him and then ask to go home. Jeez, man – you threw a big tantrum just for that? But he seems to have reached some kind of conclusion based on the little visit, so maybe there’s a reason this guy is revered as the senior monk in town?

So those meddling kids show up at Yuuki’s house looking for Yuuki and instead they find Papa Yuuki, looking totally vamp’d out, and they’re like, “Sweet costume! Who did your make-up? Trick or treat!” And someone dressed up as the mailman is like, “TREAT! Some kid died, haha!”

They rush home to cry and Megumi (in her best of many Sexy Megumi costumes) giggles over how they’re, like, totally doomed. See, Vampire Dad just got home and HE’S HUNGRY for…noodles? Huh. Weird.

At the clinic, Kyoko is still alive but she’s sorta bleeding in a way that suggests maybe the Doc wasn’t actually very good at protecting her from vampires drinking her blood. Hey, it happens! I’ve been there, brother!

Then she dies and he slaps on his Deranged Psycho mask and puts her body on ice. Which is totally cool, we all grieve in different ways, I’m not judging. Though it does seem a bit, hm, unsanitary perhaps?

I’m pretty disappointed that the writers took away Yuuki’s chance to eat his folks, but we are finally getting to the episode where the Doc tortures his dead wife. Toru continues (in my eyes) to be the most sympathetic character, for an undead killer, and those goofy kids remain those goofy kids. People are dying left and right, Megumi is flouncing around town like a strumpet, blah blah blah, etc etc etc, Shiki as usual.

So? Thoughts? Do you think this show is actually about vampires anymore or is it about ambition and doing whatever you need to do to get a leg up, even if it’s totally gross and turns you into a terrible person? That’s my theory of the week. What do you pretend Shiki is about to make yourself feel better about watching?